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      09-13-2018, 02:09 PM   #23
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Ask again on Friday, preferably before 10 pm my time. I'm going to open a beer at 9 pm and in that hour I'll probably be so tired I'll answer you
My beer day got pushed for today.

So in alphabetical order or what do you want these stories? I'm always getting myself in deep shit so I got a ton
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      09-14-2018, 03:00 AM   #24
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My "gurl" and BFF that died 1.5 yrs ago always had my back (even if it was to make fun of me and I of HIM). We had this catty thing of who could humiliate the other the best/worst in the most embarrassing way.

We'd had a falling out (as ALWAYS) but we were like family in the sense of "I can talk about you but if anyone else does they're gna get their asses kicked by BOTH!" I told this guy EVERYTHING And during a fall out the gloves were off smdh.

I randomly stopped by a store on the way home from work one night and walked in and saw my buddy and just threw my hand up in a "hey...fuk off bitch" kind of way. I heard small talk and laughter as I made my way to the register. (Cringing) All I heard my buddy say was "yes! Ron! Don't you know RON Miss. Freddy?!" (I just glared at him as he was smiling...)

I had to think about it as I was being rang up, but I remembered and my boy goes "welllllll...this is Rons BOYFRIEND!" And he looks at me and laughs and walks in between me and Ron's "boyfriend" and says to me "what a COINKIDINK YOU two have something in COMMON!!"

It was ultra cringeworthy but all I said was "yeah, me and Ron Fkd but I didn't know about you. It was the most worthless piece of diK in my life, but you can have him back cause I'm done." The bitvh says "well RON told me that you was paying for all his car parts and buying him stuff" and I stopped the biH right there and said "only dumb bitcheZ like you pay for weak DiK like that...I got bettah ish to spend my money on..." and turned around and left.

My bff jumped in my car and said "now THATS MY BITCH! Ain't no South Carolina bitch gna dirty up YOUR name". And we carried on like we'd nvr fallen out. That's friendship. But I got him back tho...stay tuned OnerDriver
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      09-14-2018, 07:45 AM   #25
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Jr. High: I walked straight into a metal post as I was checking out the girls in the cafeteria.

University: Similar situation as above but it was outside at my dorm, the girls were in the quad, and this time it was sidewalk stairs (going down). Thankfully it was only two steps down.

Post-university: I was working at a bank branch and I said "good morning sir" to a customer who replied "I'm not a sir". That sort of pissed me off because she was full on bull-dyke.
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      09-14-2018, 09:56 AM   #26
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My sister did that once...
She went in a pharmacy, and it was a super hot day, and there was no AC.

At the cashier she is melting and goes: "wow it's super hot today"
The female cashier replies "tell me about it, I'm standing here the whole day."

To which her most "empathetic" response was to say: "oh I can imagine it must be really hard for you, especially with this enormous belly! When are you due?"

The cashier replied with "that's the thing. I'm not pregnant"
Made my day
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      09-14-2018, 11:30 AM   #27
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In 4th grade I had a "GF" and we used to write each other page long notes and exchange them in class. Well one day the teacher caught me as I went to hand the girl the note, and since she had already asked me not to do that once, decided to read the entire thing out loud to the class. Both of our faces were beat red. At that point in time I wanted to be anywhere but there.

Pretty sure these days a parent would sue for ego damage or something.

It definitely worked, never passed notes in that class again.
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      09-14-2018, 11:34 AM   #28
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Started working for a telecom company back when I was 20 years old and ended up being volunteered to represent the company for a local beauty pageant the company sponsored. At this point I've never worn a suit in my life and didnt have any in my closet so cool enough the company told me to buy one and I'd get reimbursed.

I go to the beauty pageant in my suit, meet a bunch of people, the girl we sponsor is smoking hot, I get to walk her down the catwalk and everything. A few weeks later one of my brothers sees my suit and asks me why I haven't taken the sewn on tag on the left forearm of the suit..

I was walking around thinking I was hot shit at this pageant the entire time with the tag.
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      09-14-2018, 12:03 PM   #29
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Back in High School we used to have a yearly fundraising fair, three schools got together for the event. Well I was hanging out with a big group of friends when everyone noticed a particularly attractive girl nearby hanging with her friends. Her name was Jenny and she was very popular, a cheerleader, and looked like a barbie. I proudly told all my buddies that I knew her (we grew up together). Well of course they dared me to talk to her so I nervously walked over to her with all my buddies in tow. I tried to play it cool and while eating Cheetos said "Hey Jenny..." and a huge piece of Cheetos flew out of my mouth and nailed her on the cheek. Everyone busted out laughing and I was mortified. She was gracious about it and just wiped it off like nothing happened, but I was seriously embarrassed. Of course my buddies joked about the event for several years afterwards, lol.
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      09-14-2018, 12:31 PM   #30
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I'll report back. I have no shame and have no problem telling on myself. Let me ponder the subject and come back.
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      09-14-2018, 01:56 PM   #31
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Too many to recall. Iím literally the cringe king.
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      09-14-2018, 03:28 PM   #32
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lame
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I was thinking of foaming that hole as well.
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      09-17-2018, 11:36 AM   #33
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I was pretty damn promiscuous not so long ago. A handful of my close friends, who stop by my house often, would always meet different girls and give me a hard time about it. Fast forward 8 months and I've been dating the current girlfriend for a few months. A good friend of mine, myself and the girlfriend are on the back deck having a drink when my buddies phone rings and it's a mutual friend of ours that I hadn't seen in about a year. My buddy puts his phone on speaker he tells the guy on the phone he's at my house. The guy on the phone not knowing that my girlfriend is present, says loudly, "Hey Jody, are you still swimming in 'tang? And by 'tang I'm referring to all those whores I see at your house every time I stop by."

What followed was the longest awkward silence I have ever experienced. My friend that was sitting there had no idea what to say and after a few seconds or a few years as it felt busted out laughing. I then made the comment of, "Hey Drew, allow me to introduce to you my girlfriend." She, with a very uncomfortable look on her face, said hello an suddenly went inside.

Last edited by Not_Judy; 09-17-2018 at 03:10 PM.
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      09-17-2018, 01:21 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
I was pretty damn promiscuous not so long ago. A handful of my close friends, who stop by my house often, would always meet different girls an give me a hard time about it. Fast forward 8 months and I've been dating the current girlfriend for a few months. A good friend of mine, myself and the girlfriend are on the back deck having a drink when my buddies phone rings and it's a mutual friend of ours that I hadn't seen in about a year. My buddy puts his phone on speaker he tells the guy on the phone he's at my house. The guy on the phone not knowing that my girlfriend is present, says loudly, "Hey Jody, are you still swimming in 'tang? And by 'tang I'm referring to all those whores I see at your house every time I stop by."

What followed was the longest awkward silence I have ever experienced. My friend that was sitting there had no idea what to say and after a few seconds or a few years as it felt busted out laughing. I then made the comment of, "Hey Drew, allow me to introduce to you my girlfriend." She, with a very uncomfortable look on her face, said hello an suddenly went inside.

Ouch. I guess the question in the air is..... Is she still currently your girlfriend?
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      09-17-2018, 01:28 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by usshelena725 View Post
Ouch. I guess the question in the air is..... Is she still currently your girlfriend?
She is actually. Her response to all this, because obviously we talked about it later, was whatever I did before her has no relevance to our relationship. I'm guessing for her to overlook this there is obviously some shit in her past that I want to have no knowledge of.
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      09-17-2018, 01:31 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by usshelena725 View Post
Ouch. I guess the question in the air is..... Is she still currently your girlfriend?
She is actually. Her response to all this, because obviously we talked about it later, was whatever I did before her has no relevance to our relationship. I'm guessing for her to overlook this there is obviously some shit in her past that I want to have no knowledge of.
Most likely. Wrap and tap my friend.
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      09-17-2018, 01:38 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by usshelena725 View Post
Ouch. I guess the question in the air is..... Is she still currently your girlfriend?
She is actually. Her response to all this, because obviously we talked about it later, was whatever I did before her has no relevance to our relationship. I'm guessing for her to overlook this there is obviously some shit in her past that I want to have no knowledge of.
They all say that, but file it away to bring it up years later...
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      09-17-2018, 02:02 PM   #38
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They all say that, but file it away to bring it up years later...
I'll give her credit, it's been almost 2 years since this happened and she still hasn't brought it up. phew....
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      09-17-2018, 02:16 PM   #39
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Today at a bank.

" So since we have time thanks to this official being an idiot, what do you do?"

"I'm finishing school. I'm going to be a coroner/pathologist"

"Hey when we meet again, can you do some extra stitches on me? I'll have jalapeno poop in me and you don't want to do a bad job closing"

Fine, we were stuck in a room for two hours but why... Shutting up is an option one should consider more often!
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      09-17-2018, 02:20 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Today at a bank.

" So since we have time thanks to this official being an idiot, what do you do?"

"I'm finishing school. I'm going to be a coroner/pathologist"

"Hey when we meet again, can you do some extra stitches on me? I'll have jalapeno poop in me and you don't want to do a bad job closing"

Fine, we were stuck in a room for two hours but why... Shutting up is an option one should consider more often!

After reading the quote in your signature this made more sense
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      09-17-2018, 02:27 PM   #41
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After reading the quote in your signature this made more sense
What can I say, I've laid down some roots.
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      09-17-2018, 03:20 PM   #42
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I can't think of any recent off the top of my head, but coming across a girl I liked in HS on Facebook reminded me of one from then.

We were in class in theater style seating. She was a few rows below me. Not thinking, I start pulling tiny pieces off the gum I am chewing & tossing them in her hair. I did this a few times. By the time my stupid ass realized that it was not paper (What I intended), it was too late.

She, obviously, hated me after that. Later that day, her big brother slammed me against a wall & threatened me.

So what do I do as an adult? I message her on Facebook, of course! Let's see if she even replies. I doubt she'll even remember me anyway.
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      09-17-2018, 03:24 PM   #43
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What can I say, I've laid down some roots.
Aside from eggs, you’ve laid roots?

Do tell.

My whole life has been an embarrassment so I’ll spare you all the unpleasantries.
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      09-17-2018, 03:29 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
What can I say, I've laid down some roots.
Aside from eggs, you've laid roots?

Do tell.

My whole life has been an embarrassment so I'll spare you all the unpleasantries.
Any embarrassing moments as an Uber/Lyft driver?

Like, say, accidentally impregnating a passenger?
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