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      04-30-2018, 01:07 PM   #1
jaye944
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Things kids say

Daughter (7) has some slime thing, she got.

think it's called silly putty / slime

she put the two words together as she was sitting on my lap playing with the slime, saying "daddy look SLUTTY"

double take "what did you say" as I wasn't really paying much attention.

"It's slutty"

"Slime, Putty.... slutty"

"Dont say that... that's actually a real word, you made up and it's a bit rude"

"OK"


Can anyone top that ?
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      04-30-2018, 01:30 PM   #2
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I use it as a compliment
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      04-30-2018, 01:43 PM   #3
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While standing in line at the check out at a grocery store I was a witness the conversation below.

Unruly Child: I want it! (pointing to a candy bar)

Mother: No, you can't have one.

Unruly Child: (now screaming) I WANT A CANDY BAR!!!!

Mother: If you scream again, I'm going to bust your butt.

Unruly Child: If you don't get me a candy bar, I'll tell grandma you had dads pee pee in your mouth.


Jaye as a parent to two adults now, get ready. If you think this is cute just wait to hear what she has to say after the age of 16.

The mother grabbed the child by the arm and began busting his ass the entire way out the door. Left the buggy full of groceries in the line. The cashier and I made eye contact laughed our asses off.
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      04-30-2018, 01:46 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaye944 View Post
Daughter (7) has some slime thing, she got.

think it's called silly putty / slime

she put the two words together as she was sitting on my lap playing with the slime, saying "daddy look SLUTTY"

double take "what did you say" as I wasn't really paying much attention.

"It's slutty"

"Slime, Putty.... slutty"

"Dont say that... that's actually a real word, you made up and it's a bit rude"

"OK"


Can anyone top that ?
We were at an Audi dealership there and our then tiny kid heard me tell the salesman to fuck off at the end of the conversation. The child thought that meant good bye. It took a few week to teach the kid to say goodbye instead.
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      04-30-2018, 01:51 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Lups View Post
We were at an Audi dealership there and our then tiny kid heard me tell the salesman to fuck off at the end of the conversation. The child thought that meant good bye. It took a few week to teach the kid to say goodbye instead.
LOL, now that's funny
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      04-30-2018, 01:54 PM   #6
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oh another one...

I was lying on the couch a few years ago, DD was maybe 4,
she piped up out of the blue in a loud voice

"Your SICK !"

I'm like what ? thinking she's calling me some kinda pervert.. Or some new fangled slang she'd picked up from daycare

I said "what?"

Again she replies "Daddy your sick !"

Wife comes over and says "Daddy your not feeling well"

Penny drop
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      04-30-2018, 01:54 PM   #7
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LOL, now that's funny
Yeah, so was listening them singing to my usual music and then translating it to a more kid friendly forms. That's why we became a strictly megadeth family for car journeys.
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You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
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      04-30-2018, 01:58 PM   #8
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Mine has a "VERY" good musical appreciation, traditional R&B, Gospel

Though I must admit I slipped yesterday, was playing some HIP-HOP and an NWA track played after stopped the car to pup my mail, they dropped the F bomb a few times, got back to the car quick to flip to the next song.,,,

LOL
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      04-30-2018, 02:07 PM   #9
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"Mommy, you have enough diamonds already"

I SWEAR, no coaching on my part at all. Mom was PISSED!!! "Don't you tell me how many diamonds I need"
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      04-30-2018, 02:17 PM   #10
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"Mommy, you have enough diamonds already"

I SWEAR, no coaching on my part at all. Mom was PISSED!!! "Don't you tell me how many diamonds I need"
Mine told at school once that we have a cabinet filled with shit.

The teacher called.

I may have had a breakdown over family silvers over the weekend.

I fucking hate that pretentious shit.
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You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
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      04-30-2018, 02:32 PM   #11
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First time we were heading to Disney, sitting at the airport terminal, my oldest who was three at the time chimes in, "sometimes planes fly into buildings" just as a hush fell on the crowd. This was a few days after 9/11 anniversary.
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      04-30-2018, 03:47 PM   #12
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Not the child, but the wife to the child.

Child keeps leaving wife's hairbrush downstairs, this annoys wife, she wants to use it in the morning upstairs. Child keeps saying she'll put it back upstairs when done in the morning but never does.

Cooking supper in the kitchen this evening and I hear 'CHILD! If you leave my hair brush downstairs one more time, it's going up your bottom'

'but mummy, you won't will you? It won't fit'

'Anything fits if you're brave enough'...

'OK'
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      04-30-2018, 03:53 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daftasabrush View Post
Not the child, but the wife to the child.

Child keeps leaving wife's hairbrush downstairs, this annoys wife, she wants to use it in the morning upstairs. Child keeps saying she'll put it back upstairs when done in the morning but never does.

Cooking supper in the kitchen this evening and I hear 'CHILD! If you leave my hair brush downstairs one more time, it's going up your bottom'

'but mummy, you won't will you? It won't fit'

'Anything fits if you're brave enough'...

'OK'
You married a good one sir!
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      04-30-2018, 03:59 PM   #14
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My very own self, when I was a wee sprout of about 3 or 4 years old...

Had problems pronouncing the letters TR

They came out more like an F

....

Was big fan of trucks at the time. Liked to announce to the whole world whenever I spotted one.

Back then, travelling often included stopping at truck stops to eat...

MOM! LOOK THERE'S ANOTHER FUC.....


Pride of my family I tell ya...
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      04-30-2018, 04:03 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1and1 View Post
My very own self, when I was a wee sprout of about 3 or 4 years old...

Had problems pronouncing the letters TR

They came out more like an F

....

Was big fan of trucks at the time. Liked to announce to the whole world whenever I spotted one.

Back then, travelling often included stopping at truck stops to eat...

MOM! LOOK THERE'S ANOTHER FUC.....


Pride of my family I tell ya...
31 years ago I told my aunt she has the perfect boobs.

"yours are so long you can toss them over a shoulder and then just wash over them"

I hope she'll forgive me soon and stop telling that story.
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You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
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      04-30-2018, 06:53 PM   #16
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not a one time deal, but my 3 yo niece is in love with "What the shit"

Drops toy "What the shit"

change channel while shes watching a show "What the shit"

1yo sister cries "What the shit"

Needless to say, my wife and I spend all night getting her to say it over and over
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      05-01-2018, 07:42 AM   #17
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This thread makes me think of this part of an interview with John Oliver:

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      05-02-2018, 12:32 PM   #18
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My folks continue to tell the story of how, at about 5yo, I had such a foul mouth that they prepared me for having company over by carefully going over all the words I wasn't allowed to use when company was over. I promptly marched out into the middle of the group and announced "you know what? I'm not allowed to say...." and ran through the entire list. Apparently it was a fairly long list.
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      05-23-2018, 08:23 AM   #19
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"mom! My teacher said she's glad i won't be in her English class next year when i said the latest example of American expansionism is the volcano erupting in Hawaii. She didn't want to argue with me but she didn't ask me to answer after that!"

My kid explaining in English how to use the word expand in different sentences.
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      05-23-2018, 10:16 AM   #20
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My son was arrested at celebrating his 16th public and I had to pick him up at the police station.
What happened? He headed towards a big party tent with his lot and they encounterd inside that it was overcrowded. Slight drunk he was, he pulled off his backpack, threw it against the next located table and shout "FOR ALLAH" after it.
The rest is history.
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      05-23-2018, 12:02 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Dang3r View Post
My son was arrested at celebrating his 16th public and I had to pick him up at the police station.
What happened? He headed towards a big party tent with his lot and they encounterd inside that it was overcrowded. Slight drunk he was, he pulled off his backpack, threw it against the next located table and shout "FOR ALLAH" after it.
The rest is history.
That sounds like a wonderful age to look forward to.

Mine is practicing already. "Well mom. She corrected my pronunciation and didn't take my complaint seriously when I told her that it's old fashioned to limit us students to British English when there are plenty of other accents too that are perfectly acceptable. It's been two years but I like to hold grudges"

Parenting is so much fun.
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      05-23-2018, 01:21 PM   #22
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alright I got one....Lord help us all....I was like 7 yrs old BTW...

It was in a Food Lion...
The low flickering of fluorescent bulbs lit the check out line I was in...
There I was...dumb to the world around me...just learning about things...
Of course standing there next to me was my mom...being a normal adult.

Then of course there is a cashier and bagger....
If you don't know, a bagger bags your groceries for you.
I know right, we actually pay people to do menial tasks that we can literally do...

Now it's important to note that the bagger...I don't know who she was, but unfortunately for her I was just learning about slavery in school....and she was black.

Now look, we can fill in the void memories and give reasons on why this event took place, but it happened.

Ok so I guess I was never told that slavery ended....I don't know, it was like 25 yrs ago. Like awesome stuff, people shouldn't be slaves...but here I am behind a desk at my job.

So yea I told the poor bagger that she was a slave and not just any slave, but MY slave.
The gasps and look of horror from my mothers face as her little dumb white child uttered these words.

Look yea it was fucked up, but I didn't know any better. I was dumb, I still am, but I think that was one of more dumb moments that sticks out.
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