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      07-21-2021, 06:56 AM   #1
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Asking for Help for my Sister - Wellness / Life Coach Online Programs

Monday evening my older sister suffered a heart attack. She's 38 and overweight.

I'm exhausting all resources looking for recommendations for a wellness coach or program online (and in person) THAT ACTUALLY WORK and aren't scam.

My sister nearly lost her life Monday night because of an unhealthy lifestyle, high BP, and high heart rate. I’m looking for recommendations for her to jumpstart her new, better life. ‘Thoughts and prayers’ are a nice thought, but in reality they don’t do shit, only actions do. So, I am actively reaching out to this online community for assistance, because I care about her. If I didn’t, I’d 'thoughts and prayers' a text to her.

All the warning signs were there when my brother killed himself this past May, and no one helped him. We didn’t take it seriously. I’m not letting these warning signs blindside my family a second time this year.

Wellness/life coaches or programs, drop their names in the comments or DM me.

Thank you so much!

Sincerely,

A little sister who cares enough to ACT
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      07-21-2021, 09:17 AM   #2
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Damn, hope she is doing better since the event on Monday.

First and foremost, she has to be onboard with this decision. You can push a person to work out and eat healthy, but unless they want to do it for themselves it is destined to fail - this is essentially my disclaimer whenever anyone asks for workout or diet advise. The goal is to find something she can enjoy doing as well as foods that she can eat without doing to much damage - a happy medium if you will. If she can make it through the starting few weeks of that medium then she can eventually start becoming more stringent from there. 70-80% is diet, 20% is exercise, remainder is sleep.

I wish I had a great wellness/life coach or program to throw at you, but unfortunately bulk of those programs are just scams (in my opinion). My wife does enjoy beach body - the coach on there makes it a point to change your lifestyle not just add in workouts. She does have a positive message and it is about being motivated and goal oriented in everything you do, not just the big things like your job. I'll get the coaches name from my better half. With that said, the supplements through beach body are outrageously expensive and I would not recommend purchasing anything other then their program. My cousin-in-law is a coach on there and is always trying to get the wife to buy the supplements because she gets some profit - I tell her no way in hell haha
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      07-21-2021, 09:30 AM   #3
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Damn, sounds like a year from hell.

+1 to what JP10 said about mindset. She has to be on board, and usually there is a reason for lack of motivation. Depression, unhappiness, lack of self worth, etc, can be the root cause of why she won't work on herself. A coach can help motivate, but she has to be willing to listen and put in the work. A good friend is a fitness coach, and he always says the biggest hurdle is getting people over the wall that is preventing them from being consistent. Anyone can work out once, but there has to be a reason for them to come back.

Hopefully this was a wake-up call for her, and having you as an advocate will help.
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      07-21-2021, 01:38 PM   #4
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My $0.02 is to have her check with her doctors about the availability of cardiac rehab from the hospital, whether it is appropriate for her treatment plan, and if her insurance will cover the costs.

Cardiac rehab is a hospital-managed gym, full of cardio exercise equipment and no weights. It is staffed by nurses and medically-trained workout coaches, who hook up each patient to a portable wireless ECG transmitter and supervise 40 minute workouts 2-3 times per week in a small group setting. When the patient graduates out in 3-6 months, they know how all of the cardio equipment in a typical gym works and have a workout plan to follow. The one at our local hospital also offered to let patients stay on (not wired or strictly supervised) for $50/month after they graduated, which is sort of in line with gym membership costs in our area.

My ticker condition is not usually treated with cardiac rehab, but one of my cardiologist team doctors signed me up for 3 months just for the supervised exercise in a gym for sick people and not muscle-heads. Hence, why I'm suggesting a similar plan for your sister if her doctors think it would be helpful.....
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      07-21-2021, 05:21 PM   #5
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As mentioned above, get her as many contacts for psychologist/psychiatrist.
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      07-22-2021, 06:03 AM   #6
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Glad your sister is still here. It sounds like a healthy eating and proper exercise life goal is in order. After the critical post heart attack care is finished.

Only the individual can make a difference in his/her own life. For the ďothersĒ in her life, prayer is the most effective choice.
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      07-22-2021, 07:49 AM   #7
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All I can say is research any "life coach" you find, and then research some more.

We had an ex-Navy pilot in our squadron who accidentally let it slip that he was a "life coach" by leaving his "Captain Larry Life Coach" webpage up on a squadron computer.

Good enough pilot, but I wouldn't take his advice on where to go to lunch, much less how to handle life decisions.

He was doing it as a.... well, not quite a scam.... but an easy way to make money from the gullible who were impressed by his website. He had about as much training in life coaching as I do. Just because you can drive a jet, doesn't mean that your personal life isn't a train wreck.

MAKE SURE that whoever you pick has certifications, training, and licensing.

PS: He was ridiculed *unmercifully*-- and his life coaching business went away shortly.

PPS: Good Luck, and good on you for stepping up. This sounds like a tough row to hoe.
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      07-22-2021, 07:58 AM   #8
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Change in diet,stepping up exercise and drinking more water often is a hard thing for some.
Garlic has blood thinning properties and having it in foods and salads would be stepping in the right direction.
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      07-22-2021, 08:41 AM   #9
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My main gripe with them - they try and do too much too soon and the person gets overwhelmed. I see trainers also do it all the time. That works with highly motivated determined people, but "highly motivated determined" people are not usually in this situation to begin with.

Main thing to focus on to me is sustainability. Anyone can eat kale and workout like mad for 2-6 weeks. But is that sustainable? No.

These people need small goals. F the exercise outside of maybe some walking etc. To lose weight - it's all about diet. Focus on small changes that will get some results. Someone loses 5-10 pounds - they get more engaged. They make some more changes and lose some more - now they feel good about themselves and find themselves wanting to be more active without it feeling forced.

I obviously don't know your sister, but it sounds like she probably eats poorly and does not exercise? So going from 0 to 100 will be overwhelming. Like smoking. Smoking one less per day seems less daunting than cold turkey.

Set small goals with some diet changes that are not drastic to start. Small victories builds confidence and desire to do more. I struggled more when I was much younger before I decided to find a diet that fits MY life - not trying to exercise to the diet I was eating. I now have a diet that fits my life and I fight it FAR less and my numbers have never been better - even at 50. I use diet to control my weight and exercise to improve my wellbeing and cardiovascular health - independent of each other. I believe trying to use exercise to control your weight is a unsustainable endeavor for people (like me) who do not enjoy working out as much as some do.

Lots of opinions on this for sure and many way to tackle it, but this worked great for me - and I was also this type of person. Luckily I did not have a life changing event before I corrected it.

I wish her all the best!
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      07-23-2021, 01:54 PM   #10
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Thanks so much everyone!

I have the drill sergeant mentality and she doesn't have the same sense of urgency, so we've been butting heads a lot this week over this. It's been a heck of a week.
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      07-23-2021, 02:40 PM   #11
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...which is why I suggested cardiac rehab if the doctors/hospital think it applies. The patient doesn't realize that they are actually learning how to use a gym, so it makes it an easier sell for the gym-o-phobics as an extension of the hospital stay and treatment plan.....
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      07-23-2021, 02:43 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by vreihen16 View Post
...which is why I suggested cardiac rehab if the doctors/hospital think it applies. The patient doesn't realize that they are actually learning how to use a gym, so it makes it an easier sell for the gym-o-phobics as an extension of the hospital stay and treatment plan.....
She's working with a doctor right now. I just wish she'd put 110% into this right away, like I would.

I don't know how much more of a wakeup call one would need after having one foot in the grave.

I feel like I care more about her health than she does
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      07-23-2021, 04:37 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Sara View Post
I feel like I care more about her health than she does
Find out what she wants (speak less, listen more ). There must be something. Then connect it to her health. Even if she has no idea what to live for, convey it's because she's suppressed with that poor health of hers and when she feels better her horizon will extend. She can lose her life only once, so no need to hurry with that. There can be something useful in it. Share your values, just for example - she can choose anything when she's ready. Once you live, the quality of living is important and well-being is the absolute key point: nothing can replace it while it can replace anything. And it depends on you only. So no excuses. If she does not want even to live, start with finding out why: there must be a reason...

Regarding those "professionals" you are asking about: "if you want something done right, do it yourself". Helping to find motivation requires a good personal contact (doesn't it?). If you already have one, use it. If you don't - imagine how difficult it will be for a stranger, she has no business for, to find it. Don't repeat rebekahb's mistake when she wanted to motivate her husband to workout, but "had no time" for him while he wanted to do it together with her (which must've been her best chance probably). Don't leave them when they need you: there are things money can't buy.

I believe those "life coaches" are shameless bastards trying to make money on people's troubles.
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      07-23-2021, 06:48 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by No one View Post
Find out what she wants (speak less, listen more ). There must be something. Then connect it to her health. Even if she has no idea what to live for, convey it's because she's suppressed with that poor health of hers and when she feels better her horizon will extend. She can lose her life only once, so no need to hurry with that. There can be something useful in it. Share your values, just for example - she can choose anything when she's ready. Once you live, the quality of living is important and well-being is the absolute key point: nothing can replace it while it can replace anything. And it depends on you only. So no excuses. If she does not want even to live, start with finding out why: there must be a reason...

Regarding those "professionals" you are asking about: "if you want something done right, do it yourself". Helping to find motivation requires a good personal contact (doesn't it?). If you already have one, use it. If you don't - imagine how difficult it will be for a stranger, she has no business for, to find it. Don't repeat rebekahb's mistake when she wanted to motivate her husband to workout, but "had no time" for him while he wanted to do it together with her (which must've been her best chance probably). Don't leave them when they need you: there are things money can't buy.

I believe those "life coaches" are shameless bastards trying to make money on people's troubles.
I want to help her as much as possible. She lives an hour away so seeing her in person everyday isn’t an option, though I would do it if I could! I feel like she needs a work out buddy, a drill sergeant, or just someone to motivate her and hold her accountable.

She’s been overweight for 15 years now. If she was capable of losing the weight herself, she would have done it already. IMO

We got into it so bad last night. She was “resting.” I told her resting is what you’ve been doing for over a decade and to get your ass up and go walk the block, do anything but sit. She started yelling at me and it escalated from there.
I’m sick myself, picked up a bug in Florida, and couldn’t be bothered wasting anymore energy on her.

I just don’t want to give up on her. She’s the only sibling I have left. It’s hard for me to sit back and only listen. I feel if she needed to tone up, sure, I’ll go easy and be sweet. This is life or death. She needs to lose about 70 lbs. She doesn’t have the luxury of empathy from me at this point. When we’re out of the critical zone, sure I’ll start to be empathic.
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      07-24-2021, 02:06 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Sara View Post
She’s been overweight for 15 years now. If she was capable of losing the weight herself, she would have done it already. IMO

We got into it so bad last night. She was ¬ďresting.¬Ē I told her resting is what you¬íve been doing for over a decade and to get your ass up and go walk the block, do anything but sit. She started yelling at me and it escalated from there.
This is how your "outside", "drill sergeant" motivation works. It just doesn't. You want to hire someone to kick her big lazy ass. This won't work either. The true motivation comes from the inside. She's ready to do what she wants. The trouble is she doesn't want what you want her to do.

What's your motivation? Does anyone make you do what it takes? It's a matter of seeing the point. You do. She doesn't. This is only why she "can't do it". For even a professional guidance to work she should be willing to use it, otherwise it's a waste of time and money.

What about your horses? Is there any chance she might share your passion and it will motivate her to lose some weight to ride?

What does work is an example. Instead of making her do it, do it with her. Walk the block with her when you can (bait her with shopping? ). A perfect work out buddy should be someone making a realistic example for her to strive for. Or a competition if she's competitive by nature. Also, don't offer anything exhausting. It should look easy to do to start with. Maybe Wu-Shu (Tai-Chi), yoga, dancing... What she absolutely needs is to get interested. Somehow.

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      07-24-2021, 07:13 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Sara View Post
I feel like I care more about her health than she does

Youíre right, you do.

Itís her job to care. Not yours on her behalf.

If she doesnít care the consequences will be hers to contend with. Itís simple.
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      07-24-2021, 10:05 AM   #17
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This is how your "outside", "drill sergeant" motivation works. It just doesn't. You want to hire someone to kick her big lazy ass. This won't work either. The true motivation comes from the inside. She's ready to do what she wants. The trouble is she doesn't want what you want her to do.

What's your motivation? Does anyone make you do what it takes? It's a matter of seeing the point. You do. She doesn't. This is only why she "can't do it". For even a professional guidance to work she should be willing to use it, otherwise it's a waste of time and money.

What about your horses? Is there any chance she might share your passion and it will motivate her to lose some weight to ride?

What does work is an example. Instead of making her do it, do it with her. Walk the block with her when you can (bait her with shopping? ). A perfect work out buddy should be someone making a realistic example for her to strive for. Or a competition if she's competitive by nature. Also, don't offer anything exhausting. It should look easy to do to start with. Maybe Wu-Shu (Tai-Chi), yoga, dancing... What she absolutely needs is to get interested. Somehow.

Before Katrina, we used to ride a lot together. We also had a lot more horses during those years. I only have three horses now, none of which can accommodate a rider over 180 lbs. My sister is about 220 on a 5í6Ē frame. She doesnít have the equitation to ride properly, or the ability to move quickly for an emergency dismount or similar situation.

She was in a car accident last year that left her right ankle in shambles. It was either surgery or amputation. She elected for surgery. Her foot now is much better but she couldnít wear a riding boot as itís forever going to be enlarged with all the pins and screws they put in Bareback would be an option for her if she lost weight and could move quick enough.

I do miss my riding buddy.
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      07-24-2021, 10:06 AM   #18
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Youíre right, you do.

Itís her job to care. Not yours on her behalf.

If she doesnít care the consequences will be hers to contend with. Itís simple.
No, the consequences will be mine. I will be the one burying her. Just like we did two months ago. Her actions have a ripple effect.
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      07-25-2021, 07:55 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Sara View Post
No, the consequences will be mine. I will be the one burying her. Just like we did two months ago. Her actions have a ripple effect.
And you will still be living.

Death is not the original post but it is related. Oneís own health and consequences related thereto are oneís own responsibility. Referring to lifestyle choices, not talking about congenital conditions.
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      07-26-2021, 07:45 PM   #20
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"She's been overweight for 15 years now. If she was capable of losing the weight herself, she would have done it already. IMO"

- It's psychological. There's something else going on. Years ago I was told that women who intentially put on a lot of weight do so because the weight acts as a psychological barrier between them and whatever they're unable to deal with.


I also suspect she's in a lot of discomfort with that repaired ankle.
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      07-27-2021, 10:56 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by F32Fleet View Post
"She's been overweight for 15 years now. If she was capable of losing the weight herself, she would have done it already. IMO"

- It's psychological. There's something else going on. Years ago I was told that women who intentially put on a lot of weight do so because the weight acts as a psychological barrier between them and whatever they're unable to deal with.


I also suspect she's in a lot of discomfort with that repaired ankle.
Agree. High likelihood of past trauma, unfortunately, that is not being dealt with, sadly. The choice evidently is to eat and put on weight and suffer consequences of poor self care and not addressing past or current trauma.
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      07-28-2021, 12:40 AM   #22
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women who intentially put on a lot of weight do so because the weight acts as a psychological barrier between them and whatever they're unable to deal with.
Intentionally? Are there such women? Unable to deal with looking attractive? Well, I've just recently seen on TV there is a tribe where girls build up weight intentionally for the purpose of marriage because that's considered attractive.

There's like a well-known fact that people eat to fight stress because that distracts, calms down (chewing ) and effectively diverts blood from head to stomach. Gaining weight is a side effect here.
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