Top 25 Jeremy Clarkson Quotes

ZWEAPON · 02-09-2010, 09:52 PM

25 Jeremy Clarkson Car Quotes

“I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”

[On the Porsche Boxster]

“It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”

[When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel]

“When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire.

But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’

They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”

“I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”

“Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

“Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable.

More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”

“Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”

[On the Renault Clio V6]

“I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

[On the Enzo Ferrari]

“I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”

[On the Porsche Cayenne]

“I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

“The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”

“Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

“If you were to buy a BMW 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”

“That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”

[On a Chevrolet Corvette]

“The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

[On the Alfa Romeo Brera]

“Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste.

But you would, wouldn’t you?”

“A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”

“This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”

“In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

[On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG]

“It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

“I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”

“Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

“Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels.

You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”

revmmm · 02-10-2010, 05:40 AM

Thanks for sharing. There are some good ones in there for sure.

Jaypod · 02-10-2010, 07:29 AM

Always loved this one:

“Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

Do you see this one Steve....

[On a Chevrolet Corvette]

“The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

ZWEAPON · 02-10-2010, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaypod

Always loved this one:

“Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”

Do you see this one Steve....

[On a Chevrolet Corvette]

“The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Jay it's easy you hold the Botton down for 3 sec's and it's Off....I should Know...

pmeloche · 02-10-2010, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZWEAPON

A Botton?

02-09-2010, 09:52 PM	#1
ZWEAPON Captain 37 Rep 815 Posts Drives: 540 RWHP Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: K/W iTrader: (0)	Top 25 Jeremy Clarkson Quotes 25 Jeremy Clarkson Car Quotes “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.” [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.” [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.” “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.” “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.” “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what… being stabbed?” “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.” [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.” [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.” [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!” “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.” “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.” “If you were to buy a BMW 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.” “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.” [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!” [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?” “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.” “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’” “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.” [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.” “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.” “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.” “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”
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02-10-2010, 05:40 AM	#2
revmmm Captain 57 Rep 835 Posts Drives: 2008 E93 M3 Cab SSII Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Toronto iTrader: (2) Garage List 2007 X5 4.8i [0.00] 2008 M3 E93 [0.00]	Thanks for sharing. There are some good ones in there for sure. __________________ 2008 E93 M3 - SSII, 6MT, 19", EDC,...
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02-10-2010, 07:29 AM	#3
Jaypod Brigadier General 125 Rep 4,971 Posts Drives: Frozen M3, AM V8V, 991 GT3 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Toronto iTrader: (7)	Always loved this one: “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.” Do you see this one Steve.... [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”
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