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Originally Posted by jesselou
so back in senior year of HS, i met this girl through class and we started off as normal friends. she's kinda the touchy- feely type, even though she had a bf at that time but she definitely wasn't my type of girl and i had no intentions of hooking up with her. soon enough, we graduated and i went up to norcal for college and she stayed in socal.
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Okay, so far normal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesselou
freshmen year around march- she broke up with her bf on fb and i texted her to see how she's doing and we hanged out twice during spring break and things kinda got a little heated, so we got in a "relationship". it's in quote becuz she's the touchy- clingy type and i kinda just gave in and didnt want to say no but she still sorta had feelings for her ex. of course, being that we were long distance and that we were just immature, stupid freshmen, we lasted 3 months and then "broke up".
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Two hangouts during Spring Break and you're in a "relationship"? Imo, nothing happened and you're making this up. Did you even kiss her? You must have confused holding your hand with a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesselou
sophmore/junior year college- we still kept in touch. occasionally hanged out when i went down to LA. we talk about once week or every 2 weeks and she's been with a few other guys during these years. ohh and one time, she used me to lie to her mom about visiting her new bf in texas. basically, her mom really trusts me and she lied to her mom that she was gonna hang out with me in norcal, when wat she did was come up, hang out a few days, then flew out to texas to hang out with the bf, then flew back to norcal and i drove her down to LA... yea, i know that was pretty f***ed up of me to let her do that to me...
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Again, you're not on a regular talking basis with this girl. 2 days over spring break, chit-chat once every week or two. What's the big deal here? Is this
invasive to you? She hardly seems clingy. But
you certainly seem clingy. Brother, she's hardly around you and already you're making a mountain out of a mole-hill.
And "So What?" if she used you as an excuse to go see her boyfriend? If you're her best friend,
covering for her is peanuts compared to what I would do for my best friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesselou
senior year college- we were suppose to hang out during thanksgiving and i canceled on her becuz of family and she got pretty pissed off at me. so i felt bad and tried to make it up by hanging out more during winter break. lets just say, we hanged out way too much. we went from talking sporadically, to talking few times a day. she even said that i became her 'best friend'. (we had agreed that we would never be a match for each other and that we're both looking for something else in our significant other) i also learned that during winter break she dumped her bf that she's was with for 2 months in florida.. so now's shes moping about it again. and right before i was about to head back to norcal for school, she said she wanted to hang out one last time in SD (she goes to UCSD and had school/work, so she couldnt come up to LA) and i stupidly agreed to haul my a$$ down there to hang out for just a few hours.
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So about 5 years later you begin having "regular conversations" on a daily basis with this girl. Slowest friendship development in
history. And whether or not you wanted to drive her down to LA, you did. She didn't hold a gun to your head, you wanted to do it because you felt connected to her as "her best friend". Nothing wrong with this? Imo, for someone to drive that distance, it's not against your will. You felt like her best friend, she felt like yours too, at least both of you did at that time. Again, this isn't out of the way for a "best friend" still, jmho.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesselou
there's some stuff that happened afterward from winter break to now (mid march) and i doubt u guys wanna read anymore. so ill just end the story here. i just can't help but think that im always being used by her. hanging out with her is fun and all, but i feel like i deserve better. i know most of u are gonna say that there's alot of fish in the sea, or that i need to set boundaries so i dont always get the short end of the stick. its just, i dont mind her taking advantage of me, its just that she sometimes gets too accustomed to it and takes it for granted. it also doesn't help when i know she has this other guy she's interested in seeing in SD. so, the thing is that i like her as a friend and i care for her as a friend (and only as a friend), but at the same time, it bugs the $hit out of me whenever she's texting or talking with guys that try to hit on her. so as naive or as stupid as it sounds, i sorta have the feeling that if im not gonna get her, i dont want others to have a shot at her either...
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Wow dude, you have huge issues. Have you even had a girlfriend before? From what you're telling us, there was NO WAY she took "so much advantage of you" over these last 5 years that even warrants you to say that you "deserve better". Brother, you talk to her like once every two weeks. How the hell is this affecting your life? It's been 5 years since you first met this girl. She's had attempts at relationships, what about you? I haven't read anything to suggest you've had a girlfriend from Highschool through to college graduation and thereafter. Oh, I mean, with the exception of your "3 month" rendezvous with
her, that fruited from 2 days during spring break. Of which, I'm sure everyone on this forum is going to call you out on for BS. That wasn't a relationship or even quoted as a "potential relationship".
To top it off, you hardly see her and you're possesive of her? Would re-affirm my argument that you've been single all this time and she's the closest thing you have to a relationship (I know that line hurt, I'm sorry). Which is why, even though she's miles away and your contact-basis is short-bursted, you feel invaded and taken for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesselou
so wut should i do? should i continue being friends, forget about her and move on or do something else?
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Yes dude, you need to move on. This girl is not your problem. You need to spend some time finding yourself and build confidence. As far as I'm concerned, this girl has done nothing wrong to you. She's not "clingy" (and if you think she is, you don't know what clingy is). She has her own relationships, and travels quite a bit.
What do you do? Irregardless of the fact of how long her relationships last, at least she attempts them.
Do you?
You're in your mid-twenties. Supposedly, you drive a BMW 335i also. You also live in Cali. You have problems, this girl shouldn't have been anything to hold you up for the last 5 years.