Quote:
Originally Posted by smyles
Ok. Offer one solution. To any problem. One. Go.
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My son isn't doing his homework.
Do I:
a) call him a lazy dummy
or
b) tell him I am here if you need help with homework. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, my job as a parent is to help you. I asked for help, and your mom asked for help when we were your age.
I know where you are going with this.
"Telling me I need help is shaming!!!"
I get it. We are all sick of that, but what is important is that we separate actual shaming from being
accused of shaming. #2 isn't actually shaming, it's just that people are sensitive and it's a defense mechanism. I totally get the frustration. We can't really control how other people react to us, all we can control is how
we act.
When I say I can't condone shaming, I'm saying we shouldn't be telling obese people
"You are a fat POS and a burden on health care. You need to work out".
That is not a discussion. That is an accusation, and a demand for action.
Instead we should be saying:
"Obesity is a risk factor for heart disease. If you want to lose weight, there are ways to do it and we/I can help."
It won't always be successful, and we could be falsely accused of shaming, but it hopefully promotes discussion more times than the other method. And at least we know in our hearts we didn't shame them.