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      03-26-2014, 12:44 PM   #23
solstice
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Wise people has been known saying that when you look back on your life you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did. I used to ski ~40 days a year split between the alps and North America, I rock climbed, scuba dived, sailed and commuted on a race bike. I've now cut out rock climbing and scuba diving altogether and commute in an M3 with child seats and pay about $6k a month for private schools and other child related costs. I still ski a lot and I never found myself regret having kids and even if I quite often miss the time before them there is no way I would want to live without them. A conondrum it seems but isn't that true about much in life?
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      03-26-2014, 12:45 PM   #24
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      03-26-2014, 12:48 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MediaArtist
Kids aren't for everybody. I wasn't big or obsessed on the kid thing either until I had one (now two).

Now it's amazing. My toddler son has turned into a verifiable car aficionado, and it's freaking great. When we go to Cars & Coffee, he goes nuts and can name pretty much any car there. One time an R8 pulled into the parking lot next to the Porsches, and I said "Hey little man, it's an R8!", and he replied, "Dad, R8 Veee-Ten!" You know what? He was right!

Little weird things like that make my day now. You have to be a parent to understand, but it just makes sense in the greater scope of things.
Interesting. So how'd you decide to have them and what were your expectations

Litos- LOL...how does anything I wrote give the impression I'd be irresponsible? Almost the whole thing is about what a big responsibility they are. You seem like you have a nice family. What do you do? What were your expectations and how'd that match reality?
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      03-26-2014, 12:49 PM   #26
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One example would be, imagine looking your very own son/daughter in their eyes and knowing this is your seed, you made this human being...
I'm not trying to trivialize anyone's parenthood experience but this is just about the most common reason I hear for having kids and it always seemed a little selfish to me? I'm one of those who says you should adopt if you want a kid but a lot of people really really want their own that they made... i dunno. You could turn right back around and say that I'm the selfish one because I don't want kids and it is largely for financial reasons.
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      03-26-2014, 01:00 PM   #27
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I'm not trying to trivialize anyone's parenthood experience but this is just about the most common reason I hear for having kids and it always seemed a little selfish to me? I'm one of those who says you should adopt if you want a kid but a lot of people really really want their own that they made... i dunno. You could turn right back around and say that I'm the selfish one because I don't want kids and it is largely for financial reasons.
I think properly planning to have your own child is the least selfish thing one can do. We're talking about lack of sleep, time, money, etc... in varying amounts over the span of 18+ years.

Now, adopting a child takes the selflessness level up one more notch because you could be taking on a child from Satan haha
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      03-26-2014, 01:06 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by solstice View Post
Wise people has been known saying that when you look back on your life you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did. I used to ski ~40 days a year split between the alps and North America, I rock climbed, scuba dived, sailed and commuted on a race bike. I've now cut out rock climbing and scuba diving altogether and commute in an M3 with child seats and pay about $6k a month for private schools and other child related costs. I still ski a lot and I never found myself regret having kids and even if I quite often miss the time before them there is no way I would want to live without them. A conondrum it seems but isn't that true about much in life?
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      03-26-2014, 01:09 PM   #29
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saw that too haha...That's pretty much my take home income. #GoodLife
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      03-26-2014, 01:12 PM   #30
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LOL- yeah. Private schools would be a necessary expense where I live- the public schools suck, despite having a bigger budget than the rest of the city. $6k though!?
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      03-26-2014, 01:13 PM   #31
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Litos- LOL...how does anything I wrote give the impression I'd be irresponsible?
because, you were the one that said you and your lady were still deciding if kids were in your future....

you should already know the answer if you said yourself that you have no real burning desire to have kids......

having kids without that desire ultimately leads to junk marriages and broken families more times than not......
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      03-26-2014, 01:13 PM   #32
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I couldn't envision my life with kids for the longest time but I knew that I wanted to have them. When I met my now-wife, she didn't want to have kids. We're both in our early 30s and have a 9mo old daughter who is now our entire world. That being said, we haven't been to a movie, been out to dinner, or been on vacation since she's been born but the joy that stuff brought pales in comparison to the joy that she has brought to our lives. That's also not to say that you have to stop doing anything that you currently do. You can bring a kid pretty much everywhere and watching them learn to do the things you do is one of the great joys of the experience.

I do have friends who are extremely active and self-focused who I don't think will have kids. I always picture them growing older as Todd & Margot from Christmas Vacation.

You speak of children ravishing the body like it's a given. My wife had a nice tight package when we met seven years ago and snapped right back after giving birth. It depends on the person, honestly. Unless your wife is a swimsuit model, the change won't be so dramatic and some key elements are even enhanced by the process. Some women do take advantage and gain 60lbs and give birth to a 6lb baby - that's just a lack of self control.

If your relationship is as healthy as you think it is, having the focus evolve from exclusively on the two of you to your child shouldn't be disruptive. If you think it'll cause problems having the focus shift, then you probably shouldn't go down that road. That's where it seems a little selfish.

In all honesty, it's a huge responsibility but it becomes routine almost instantly. It's far less disruptive to your life than you're making it out to be.



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Last edited by KingOfJericho; 03-26-2014 at 01:29 PM.
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      03-26-2014, 01:13 PM   #33
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Yep, welcome to parenthood. Private school tuition for my kids is almost $4k per month plus other expenses. Youngest is a type 1 diabetic, every year the insurance company covers less and raises deductibles. Monthly out of pocket for his supplies/insulin is easily another $350 per month, not counting quarterly hospital visits to see his endocrinologist... Then fees for soccer teams, swim teams, food, clothing for two teenage boys that outgrow their shoes and clothes every two-three months. You get the idea...
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      03-26-2014, 01:15 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingOfJericho View Post
I couldn't envision my life with kids for the longest time but I knew that I wanted to have them. When I met my now-wife, she didn't want to have kids. We're both in our early 30s and have a 9mo old daughter who is now our entire world. That being said, we haven't been to a movie, been out to dinner, or been on vacation since she's been born
ya'll need to get out more.....that's not healthy.....

my work week is my vacation from all the activities we do on the weekend.....
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      03-26-2014, 01:17 PM   #35
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I do have friends who are extremely active and self-focused who I don't think will have kids. I always picture them growing older as Todd & Margot from Christmas Vacation.



Ha!! Loved Todd and Margot in the movie! Have friends with no kids, nothing wrong with that decision either. To each their own. OP needs to decide whether kids are right for him...
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      03-26-2014, 01:17 PM   #36
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My wife and I both work so this include full days care. They are also running one to two years advanced curriculum. For example my 3rd grader is following 4th and 5th grade curriculum. Her class size is 7 kids. It's pricey but for us it's worth it. The class as a whole scores in the 99% percentile nationally and my kids love it there.

Then as kscarrol mention you have after school activities that aren't exactly cheap.
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      03-26-2014, 01:17 PM   #37
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having kids will likely destroy your life. people with kids can't ever admit that they made a life long mistake and will justify it any way possible. the thought always crosses their mind but they dare never speak of it as to be looked at like monsters.

to the person that said this thread title is offensive... don't be so dramatic. your life might be ruined but that doesn't mean this thread has to be.

haha i'm just messing around. i'm really indifferent.
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      03-26-2014, 01:18 PM   #38
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OP needs to decide whether kids are right for him...
even after reading the first post, you still think it's up in the air for them ??
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      03-26-2014, 01:20 PM   #39
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even after reading the first post, you still think it's up in the air for them ??
Nope, I think his decision is made. Simply trying to say it is his choice, guess I could have phrased it better!
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      03-26-2014, 01:21 PM   #40
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having kids will likely destroy your life.
for me It didn't.

kept me from doing things in my twenties that could have potentially destroyed my life...

I was a bit of a loose canon back then, but when kids came around, I stopped staying up late and I stopped doing things that were hazardous to me staying alive HAHA !!!!

during the week I'm all about homework, bath time and playstation with my kids....

on the weekends, we can barely stay in the house because we're always doing something awesome....

that's why I said that when I come to work, it's like taking a breather/vacation from the weekend.....I catch up on my relax time at work
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      03-26-2014, 01:23 PM   #41
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Quote:
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for me It didn't.

kept me from doing things in my twenties that could have potentially destroyed my life...

I was a bit of a loose canon back then, but when kids came around, I stopped staying up late and I stopped doing things that were hazardous to me staying alive HAHA !!!!

during the week I'm all about homework, bath time and playstation with my kids....

on the weekends, we can barely stay in the house because we're always doing something awesome....

that's why I said that when I come to work, it's like taking a breather/vacation from the weekend.....I catch up on my relax time at work
lets revisit this when they're at the age of hating you and sneak out the window to eff around with boys.
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      03-26-2014, 01:25 PM   #42
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Interesting. So how'd you decide to have them and what were your expectations
Drunken night, hate condoms, you know how the rest goes.

My expectations were all over the board. I didn't know anything. But I'd say if you're a responsible tax paying American who can hold a job, buy a BMW, and have some semblance of an education, you won't find the first kid hard at all. Some adjusting, but not life ruining. You could probably still ski, and vacation plenty.

The second one on the other hand can be a handful depending on how close you have them. I've seen people mightily struggle with the toddler/infant combo.
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      03-26-2014, 01:25 PM   #43
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lets revisit this when they're at the age of hating you and sneak out the window to eff around with boys.
That's when you need to re-train your dobermanns to not let anyone OUT of the house...
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      03-26-2014, 01:32 PM   #44
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lets revisit this when they're at the age of hating you and sneak out the window to eff around with boys.
That's why I bought a house with a moat (literally).
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