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      10-16-2013, 05:21 PM   #23
panicos81
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So why dont you just marry her. You love each other, whats the problem?
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      10-16-2013, 06:21 PM   #24
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depends on the family background, not the race, i'm Chinese/Taiwanese my parents want nothing to do with me..

wait..
...

lol jk but in all seriousness ever since I was a kid my parents made it very clear that they would not be a burden or live with me when I had a family
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      10-16-2013, 10:51 PM   #25
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"She was the love of my life and made me happier than I had ever. I loved her the same way and made her happy the same way. I can NOT say one negative thing about her"

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...Maybe she actually wants more stability and a marriage. You mentioned you discussed no marriage on the first date...and haven't talked about it since. Perhaps she changed her mind and wants to get married.

1) So she loves you and you love her
2) Her mother treated you really well

You: Don't want to get married. Calls her mother who treats you well a F'in B***ch. Hmmm....

But yes, Asians are usually more respectful towards their elders, especially their parents. Confucian based principles.
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      10-17-2013, 01:47 AM   #26
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Quote:
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Does anyone know if this is really the way it woks in Chinese families?

Thanks
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Yes I am a white gut and never been in a relationship with an Asian woman.
Digging the freudian slips.
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      10-17-2013, 08:44 AM   #27
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"She was the love of my life and made me happier than I had ever. I loved her the same way and made her happy the same way. I can NOT say one negative thing about her"

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...Maybe she actually wants more stability and a marriage. You mentioned you discussed no marriage on the first date...and haven't talked about it since. Perhaps she changed her mind and wants to get married.

1) So she loves you and you love her
2) Her mother treated you really well

You: Don't want to get married. Calls her mother who treats you well a F'in B***ch. Hmmm....

But yes, Asians are usually more respectful towards their elders, especially their parents. Confucian based principles.
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      10-17-2013, 08:58 AM   #28
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I've been going through this. Been dating my girlfriend for 4 years. Her parents are very against the relationship because I am Mexican and she shouldn't be dating anyone until she is done with medical school (she hasn't even started it yet, is about to)
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      10-17-2013, 09:13 AM   #29
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Now I have a much better picture of what happened. Thank you all for your inputs!
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      10-17-2013, 09:19 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by panicos81 View Post
So why dont you just marry her. You love each other, whats the problem?
I have my reasons :

1 - After a bitter experience with my first marriage, and going through a costly divorce ($4K alimont a month forever) I have to admit that I am little bit scared.

2 - She has 2 kids whom I love but fathering 2 kids forever is a gigantic responsibility which I am not sure if I can handle

3 - If I marry her, I have to live with her parents on top of her 2 kids (and my daughter). That makes it impossible
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      10-17-2013, 09:20 AM   #31
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Digging the freudian slips.
Haha! Good catch! MaybeI haven't forgotten about her yet!!!
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      10-17-2013, 09:32 AM   #32
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As a number of people pointed out, it is an Asian cultural thing and you should not blame the mother, it is just the way it is done and you have to accept it if you want to be part of the of they family.

Here is another thing I learned from Asian friends which still seem to be common. It not unusually for the kids to send money home to the parents. If you're going to married into a Asian family and do not want to alienate yourself and Asian spouse from the Asian parents you have to be prepare to make the money payments to the parents so they can live and support themselves.

One good friend of mine comes from a family of 9, and all of them more successful than the other. I could not understand why my friend drove a crap car when I knew what he was making, he was married and had a child and explain to me he could not afford a new car, and part of the reason he was sending money home to his parents as well as his wife parents. I asked him if all his sibling sent money home and he said yes. Needless to say the parents were living very well in their retired life.

On a similar note, I grew up with my grandmother in our house, my dad was the youngest of 5 and was expected to take care of his mom, so she lived with us until I was 11 and she died at 86. I grew up in a traditional Italian family, but there is no way my parents are moving in with us today.

Last edited by Maestro; 10-17-2013 at 10:55 AM.
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      10-17-2013, 10:17 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by Maestro View Post
As a number of people pointed out, it is an Asian cultural thing and you should not blame the mother, it is just the way it is done and you have to accept it if you want to be part of the of they family.

Here is another thing I learned from Asian friends which still seem to be common. It not unusually for the kids to send money home to the parents. If you're going to married into a Asian family and do not want to alienate yourself and Asian spouse from the Asian parents you have to be prepare to make the money payments to the parents so they can live and support themselves.

One good friend of mine comes from a family of 9, and all of them more successful than the other. I could not understand why my friend drove a crap car when I knew what he was making, he was married and had a child and explain to me he could not afford a new car, and part of the reason he was sending money home to his parents as well as his wife parents. I asked him if all his sibling sent money home and he said yes. Needless to day the parents were living very well in their retired life.

On a similar note, I grew up with my grandmother in our house, my dad was the youngest of 5 and was expected to take care of him mom, so she lived with us until I was 11 and she died at 86. I grew up in a traditional Italian family, but there is no way my parents are moving in with us today.
Thanks.

I finally realized that this is how it is in Asian especially in Chinese culture but it was too late The damage was done!!!
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      10-17-2013, 10:36 AM   #34
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Now I have a much better picture of what happened.
I came in for pics of GF but was hugely disappointed...

and carrots have no place in a taco salad.
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      10-17-2013, 11:07 AM   #35
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Does anyone know if this is really the way it woks in Chinese families?
I see what u did there

Edit: late to the party dammit
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      10-17-2013, 11:17 AM   #36
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I see what u did there

Edit: late to the party dammit
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      10-17-2013, 03:57 PM   #37
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Weren't you the guy with the Divorce thread months ago? That 20-page one?
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      10-17-2013, 04:24 PM   #38
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Weren't you the guy with the Divorce thread months ago? That 20-page one?
Yes it was me, unfortunately
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      10-17-2013, 04:31 PM   #39
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Yes it was me, unfortunately
Ah, congrats to you for pulling yourself out of that hole and moving on. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to do as well.
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      10-17-2013, 04:40 PM   #40
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Ah, congrats to you for pulling yourself out of that hole and moving on. I know for a fact I wouldn't have been able to do as well.
Thanks. It was not easy and took long time. But happy ending
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      10-17-2013, 05:19 PM   #41
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I have my reasons :

1 - After a bitter experience with my first marriage, and going through a costly divorce ($4K alimont a month forever) I have to admit that I am little bit scared.

2 - She has 2 kids whom I love but fathering 2 kids forever is a gigantic responsibility which I am not sure if I can handle

3 - If I marry her, I have to live with her parents on top of her 2 kids (and my daughter). That makes it impossible
I'm very sorry to hear that.
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      10-17-2013, 05:36 PM   #42
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A 42 year old man telling relationship stories on an internet forum...sad.
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      10-17-2013, 06:22 PM   #43
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Is it normal? In Asia - perhaps. In US - no.

Everyone probably has one or two Asian friends who are known to do this, and this type of behavior is probably more prominent in Asian cultures than any other, but I gotta say majority of Asians in US don't do this, so I wouldn't say it's quite "normal."
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      10-18-2013, 08:10 AM   #44
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A 42 year old man telling relationship stories on an internet forum...sad.
Thanks! I appreciate your thoughts...
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