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      04-25-2013, 07:35 PM   #1
faou4rm
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Relationship Question(s)

Hey guys,
I visit this forum almost daily and obviously don't really post much, but I decided to give it a shot..

Anyways, I figured there are many older (I'm almost 22) guys that have experienced relationships a lot more than i have, that could possibly share their views with me

Although people may have different opinions and perspectives, i just wanted to know what you guys think about my question..

-Can a straight GUY and a straight GIRL be best friends?

I do honestly think there are exceptions to every situations, but i find it impossible to believe that guys and girls can be bestfriends in GENERAL without one side feeling some sort of attraction to another.
I do think girls have the capability of seeing guys just as friends (like a brother), but impossible for guys to do that because of our PENIS. Yeah i feel like guys can be friends with girls but it's too difficult for a guy to be spending all the time and effort into a girl just to be best friends. Yeah i may seem shady and shallow for saying that but i feel like it's the TRUTH that we never admit

I ask this question because whenever my gf and i get into arguments about her best guy friends, i always stand by my perspective. I just wanted to know what you guys think about it.


Thanks !

(if this goes well, i have some other relationship questions)
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      04-25-2013, 07:42 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Torxist View Post
If one or both are sexually attracted to the other, then NO.
Let's just say that they (she has many best friends, but 3 that she hangsout the most with) have been "best friends" for a few years before i met her and i fully trust her when she tell me that she never felt any attraction towards them. Her argument is that they've been best friends for such a long time and nothing ever happened and there's nothing to worry about.

I'm not worried but I just don't trust her best friends 100%. My argument is that if there ever is an opportunity to have sex with her, they would take it in a heartbeat. She seems to think i'm ridiculous for saying that though lol
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      04-25-2013, 07:45 PM   #3
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This often complicates our relationship because of my stubborn view.

She always has to reject her bestfriends when they want to hangout at a bar or a house party. I do sometimes go with her so she can hangout with her friends but sometimes i just don't feel like going. I do feel guilty when she rejects her friends and we end up getting into a circular argument about 'friends'
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      04-25-2013, 07:47 PM   #4
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if shes your girlfriend she should be your best friend
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      04-25-2013, 07:52 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenkirby21 View Post
if shes your girlfriend she should be your best friend
haha i know right? I've tried to offer and make up for her 'bestfriends' that she doesn't see as often because of me.

So is that a NO to my question ? haha
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      04-25-2013, 07:55 PM   #6
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On the side note....

I'm about 5'9-10" and she's 5'8"

I really don't like it when she's 6' and towering over me in her 4 inch heels..

Since i'm almost 22 i'm really close to being stuck with my height forever..

Is there any way i could potentially maximize my height for the little time that i have left to grow?

Drink milk? stretch? sleep? don't smoke or drink? anything? lol
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      04-25-2013, 07:58 PM   #7
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I'll answer your question by stating what would I do. There are some chicks I consider friends and would normally not have any intrest in sexually. HOWEVER if I were single (which I'm not) and if she decided she wanted to be more than friends, who am I to deny her? After all she's my best friend and I'll do anything to help out a friend!
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      04-25-2013, 08:03 PM   #8
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im a girl and my whole entire life i had maybe one or two girl friends.. every friend that i had/have is a guy. I feel like i can relate a lot better to guys and i get along with them a lot easier than with girls.

I am only friends with them, i am not attracted to them in any sexual way.

p.s. i am not a lesbian. lol
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      04-25-2013, 08:05 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps View Post
I'll answer your question by stating what would I do. There are some chicks I consider friends and would normally not have any intrest in sexually. HOWEVER if I were single (which I'm not) and if she decided she wanted to be more than friends, who am I to deny her? After all she's my best friend and I'll do anything to help out a friend!
My perspective comes from things i've personally experienced or felt as well.

For me, best friends is someone who you talk and hangout with the most..
I just find it hard to believe that a group of 3 guys can hangout with my gf so often and for so long without feeling any attraction..

I just don't believe in PURE close friendship between a guy and a girl and i'm hoping to hear what other people think
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      04-25-2013, 08:07 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by sasha1015 View Post
im a girl and my whole entire life i had maybe one or two girl friends.. every friend that i had/have is a guy. I feel like i can relate a lot better to guys and i get along with them a lot easier than with girls.

I am only friends with them, i am not attracted to them in any sexual way.

p.s. i am not a lesbian. lol
that's EXACTLY what my girlfriend said to me..

Guys are js easier to get along with, no drama, no shady stuff, etc..

I understand that and i do trust her but i js don't trust the guys.

She can have guy friends here and there but i js don't trust her close friends lol
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      04-25-2013, 08:09 PM   #11
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To clarify, i do trust her guy friends that they would respect me and my relationship enough to never cross the line as long as we are together.

However it always bothers me a lot when she wants to js go drink or hangout with them at night till like 2am or go over to their houses..
Js something about the idea of my GF out late at night with other guys..
I want to change or something because i HATE the fact that i have to be bothered by these things even when i trust her..

It's not like she js wants to hangout with them all of a sudden. That's js how they spent their time together for a few years before she and i got together. She's accustomed to js hangingout with them whenever since they're js 'friends'
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      04-25-2013, 08:18 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faou4rm View Post
To clarify, i do trust her guy friends that they would respect me and my relationship enough to never cross the line as long as we are together.

However it always bothers me a lot when she wants to js go drink or hangout with them at night till like 2am or go over to their houses..
Js something about the idea of my GF out late at night with other guys..
I want to change or something because i HATE the fact that i have to be bothered by these things even when i trust her..

It's not like she js wants to hangout with them all of a sudden. That's js how they spent their time together for a few years before she and i got together. She's accustomed to js hangingout with them whenever since they're js 'friends'
Well, if you trust both of them, then whats the problem? You don't, that's the problem.

Not saying that you should, after all I don't know any of these people. I think the more pressing question is, why does she want to hang out with these guys so much (enough that it upsets you) instead of hanging out with you?
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      04-25-2013, 08:22 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by faou4rm View Post
To clarify, i do trust her guy friends that they would respect me and my relationship enough to never cross the line as long as we are together.

However it always bothers me a lot when she wants to js go drink or hangout with them at night till like 2am or go over to their houses..
Js something about the idea of my GF out late at night with other guys..
I want to change or something because i HATE the fact that i have to be bothered by these things even when i trust her..

It's not like she js wants to hangout with them all of a sudden. That's js how they spent their time together for a few years before she and i got together. She's accustomed to js hangingout with them whenever since they're js 'friends'
yeah i do the same. i do go out sometimes with my guy friends and i do go over their houses and stuff.. my boyfriend trusts me and im assuming he trusts the guys i am hanging out with since he is ok with me hanging out with them. I never really stay out until 2am (partially because i get exhausted and partially because i dont want my boyfriend to start worrying and freaking out [which is what im assuming ur doing])
i do see your point completely though. But, i think the main thing is you just need to trust her... if you trust her completely then theres nothing to worry about. If some guy starts hitting on her or makes a move, she will stand up for herself, and you will be the first to know about the incident.
if her whole life she had guy friends then you cant really tell her NO... thats like telling someone they cant have friends at all.
hope this helps...
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      04-25-2013, 08:32 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps View Post
I think the more pressing question is, why does she want to hang out with these guys so much (enough that it upsets you) instead of hanging out with you?
I'm pretty sure that that's exactly what he's asking himself, hence him being upset.

OP: Have you met these friends of hers? Knowing them can make it a lot easier to swallow her being around them all the time, and you might not get left at home anymore.
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      04-25-2013, 08:38 PM   #15
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I'm pretty sure that that's exactly what he's asking himself, hence him being upset.

OP: Have you met these friends of hers? Knowing them can make it a lot easier to swallow her being around them all the time, and you might not get left at home anymore.
This^ why dont you ALL hang out?
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      04-25-2013, 08:51 PM   #16
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Ménage?
Sooo.....your idea of a good time is crossing swords...or at least getting one other guy in there with your own g/f?

This gives me great insight into your desires...great insight indeed.
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      04-25-2013, 08:53 PM   #17
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I'm pretty sure that that's exactly what he's asking himself, hence him being upset.

OP: Have you met these friends of hers? Knowing them can make it a lot easier to swallow her being around them all the time, and you might not get left at home anymore.
Instead of writing a lot more than what i already have in the first few posts, i figured i'd give out more information about myself as the thread goes on..

I met my current gf when i was 18 and she's 4.5 years older than me (transfer double major student) and we started off living together. It's been about 3.5 years since we've been living together.

I met her bestfriends since the beginning and i get along with them but we are js different. Her friends are a lot older but always find the need to drink and party whenever they hangout. My friends and i occasionally drink but not every single weekend. I got tired of going with my gf every time, and decided to js let her hangout with them. Nomatter what i do, the idea of her hangingout at night while socially drinking with guys does NOT escape my mind until she COMES back home to my house.

Yeah i do trust her a whole lot, and her bestfriends ENOUGH but i get bothered and i don't know what to do about it. I've tried to tell her that i'm fine with her having lunch with guys etc but that's js not the way they're accustomed to hangingout. She still needs to social/party life and it frustrates her to see how much it bothers me.

I've tried to change and be more loose. It aggravated me for a few days when i was at a club with all her friends and different random guys kept trying to dance with her when i was js drinking at the booth. I understand that they're guys and they go to clubs mainly for girls. My gf did the right thing and shoved them away but i couldn't help but to think that SHE put herself in that position to be touched and grabbed by guys.

Yeah she's the girl that i picked and she js happens to love partying and having a good time, but i js can't seem to ever be tolerant enough. We both make sacrifices and tried to change for each other but it's proven to be very difficult here and there...
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      04-25-2013, 09:06 PM   #18
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im a girl
Ah...this makes your other thread less creepy now. lol
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      04-25-2013, 09:12 PM   #19
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lol im in that situation right now.. except the guy she is friends with has told her he still really likes her and they have had sex before.

but by you getting mad about this topic all its doing is making her closer to those guys because she can complain to them about you... live your life and don't get frustrated by this girl. If you want her to change she will hate you for making her lose friends or she will always go back to them sooner or later. If you dont like the situation then its probably best to break up with her. That or live with it lol.
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      04-25-2013, 09:13 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sasha1015 View Post
yeah i do the same. i do go out sometimes with my guy friends and i do go over their houses and stuff.. my boyfriend trusts me and im assuming he trusts the guys i am hanging out with since he is ok with me hanging out with them. I never really stay out until 2am (partially because i get exhausted and partially because i dont want my boyfriend to start worrying and freaking out [which is what im assuming ur doing])
i do see your point completely though. But, i think the main thing is you just need to trust her... if you trust her completely then theres nothing to worry about. If some guy starts hitting on her or makes a move, she will stand up for herself, and you will be the first to know about the incident.
if her whole life she had guy friends then you cant really tell her NO... thats like telling someone they cant have friends at all.
hope this helps...
Thank you for your inputs. i really appreciate it.

I DO let my girlfriend go hangout with her friends. I do let her go to bars parties clubs etc. But she and i both know that i'm never happy to let her go, which is why she rejects her friends half the time.

What complicates our relationship is the boundary that we can't seem to agree on when it comes to friends.
Idk when why or how but i don't really talk to my girl friends now because i know i'd get bothered she was hangingout and texting them a lot.

I would never mind if she were to grab a casual lunch or something with her friends. However she loves to party, go clubbing for music, and be in that kind of atmosphere. I honestly don't mind that kind of environment js not when you're in a relationship. I know i'm difficult but i always js hoped that she'd respect my conservative views. It's js hard when she wants me to respect her friendship and social values at the same time. The most i can go is to give her the approval of drinking and hangingout with her friends, but she js wants me to be more supportive and genuine about it. I hold grudges and never forget things so i prefer to make her go home to her house since i don't want to be sitting at my house waiting for her, and it always makes her sad because she feels like i'm pushing her away after. That's basically how the arguments begin and we end up tiring each other out.

But yeah, I js narrowed it down to the basic question on whether ppl felt like there can be a true friendship between a guy and a girl.. haha
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      04-25-2013, 09:17 PM   #21
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lol im in that situation right now.. except the guy she is friends with has told her he still really likes her and they have had sex before.

but by you getting mad about this topic all its doing is making her closer to those guys because she can complain to them about you... live your life and don't get frustrated by this girl. If you want her to change she will hate you for making her lose friends or she will always go back to them sooner or later. If you dont like the situation then its probably best to break up with her. That or live with it lol.
Lol that's exactly what i've narrowed it down to.

Js deal with it or end it

I definitely can't end it so i've been dealing with it for 3.5 years now.

My gf and i have very different perspectives on friendships and i js wanted to see how many guys here actually agree/disagree with me when it comes to pure friendship between a guy and a girl.

I js refuse to let go of the belief that given the opportunity, the best guy friend would agree to have sex with the girl.
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      04-25-2013, 09:32 PM   #22
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What specifically are you afraid of happening? What's the worst-case scenario?
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