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      11-23-2017, 05:34 PM   #1
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Christmas presents for shitty people!

Everyone has "that" relative! I thought we could share tips on what to buy to them!

My mom is on top of my list this year (every year). She apparently is visiting nyc (I'm so sorry guys) in January so I'm getting her a Make America Great Again - hat, even if i have to knit it. That should make her trip to the new country more fun for her. She is stupid enough to wear one there.

For my aunt, who has taken over the family tradition of making the ugliest wool socks ever made, I'm knitting a wool shirt made from all the fucking eye hurting wool socks she has given me in my 35 years. Picture five of the worst colors you can imagine and put them in one pair, multiply it by 70(i get from her two pairs per year) and i think this will be the worst looking thing anyone spends a week to make.

My brother is getting a beautiful, very old and extremely sticky looking copy of Kama sutra. I found it from a book store, but i paid a porn shop to get a price tag with their logo and -70% off sticker to it.

So, anyway, does anyone else go through this much trouble at being a horrible gifter?

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Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.

Last edited by Lups; 11-23-2017 at 05:52 PM.
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      11-23-2017, 05:46 PM   #2
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No.

For me, it comes naturally. I don't even have to try.
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he's Canadian. By international law we all must worship him and all other products of the country.
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      11-23-2017, 05:51 PM   #3
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No.

For me, it comes naturally. I don't even have to try.
Go sorting out your excuses for giving your wife a juicer!
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Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.
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      11-23-2017, 06:13 PM   #4
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the dog had to have back surgery about four months ago. wife insisted we do it. happy birthday and merry christmas. enjoy the dog.
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      11-23-2017, 06:29 PM   #5
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For your information.
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      11-23-2017, 06:31 PM   #6
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For your information.
Good. I hate Christmas with passion.
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Originally Posted by Uber Commuter View Post
Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.
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      11-23-2017, 06:38 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Everyone has "that" relative! I thought we could share tips on what to buy to them!

My mom is on top of my list this year (every year). She apparently is visiting nyc (I'm so sorry guys) in January so I'm getting her a Make America Great Again - hat, even if i have to knit it. That should make her trip to the new country more fun for her. She is stupid enough to wear one there.

For my aunt, who has taken over the family tradition of making the ugliest wool socks ever made, I'm knitting a wool shirt made from all the fucking eye hurting wool socks she has given me in my 35 years. Picture five of the worst colors you can imagine and put them in one pair, multiply it by 70(i get from her two pairs per year) and i think this will be the worst looking thing anyone spends a week to make.

My brother is getting a beautiful, very old and extremely sticky looking copy of Kama sutra. I found it from a book store, but i paid a porn shop to get a price tag with their logo and -70% off sticker to it.

So, anyway, does anyone else go through this much trouble at being a horrible gifter?

Indeed.

I usually buy my wife a new dildo at Christmas, and leave it sticking out the turkey's ass.
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      11-23-2017, 06:45 PM   #8
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Indeed.

I usually buy my wife a new dildo at Christmas, and leave it sticking out the turkey's ass.
You wanna try selling yours and my marriage as a baggage deal to a marriage counselor? I bet we would get a huge discount because we sure would be long term customers.
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Originally Posted by Uber Commuter View Post
Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.
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      11-23-2017, 08:32 PM   #9
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There's the old Grinch now, right on schedule to spread her Christmas cheer like it's Chlamydia...

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      11-23-2017, 08:56 PM   #10
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Generic chocolate boxes - in the USA it would be Whitmans (nice brands for those you don't know well but don't dislike). Everybody will eat chocolate, and you don't even have to think about anything but how much to spend per person.
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      11-23-2017, 10:12 PM   #11
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Good. I hate Christmas with passion.
And how is your day going? Remember, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and all that other bs. Actually your view on things is not always clear. Are you saying you don't like elves?
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      11-24-2017, 04:53 AM   #12
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Good. I hate Christmas with passion.
Me too! C'mon over and we stick hamsters on christmas trees tops instead of dumbass angels
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      11-24-2017, 05:06 AM   #13
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Me too! C'mon over and we stick hamsters on christmas trees tops instead of dumbass angels
Ha, i love the tree tho, i go through a lot of trouble to find a really ugly one, then i let the kids at it to make it even worse! We've had the most horrifying trees ever to be used as decoration!

As for presents, i don't buy stuff to people usually since everyone I know has everything already. Last year i finally convinced the kids to regift the crap they get to a shelter so now i only expect to get 3-6 m3 of crap in the house.

The only pure joy i get from the holidays is this bad present crap i pull every year. You should try this, it brings some joy to the holidays for seconds!
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Originally Posted by Uber Commuter View Post
Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.
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      11-24-2017, 10:20 AM   #14
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My idea of angering my mom was, that I'd given her a small parcel and she dont recognized my evil smile behind it. She was more complaining about and it was going like "ya know I dont want any presents and you shouldnt give me anything".
Yadayadayada, few minutes later as she got unwrapped the paper and opened the box she found it empty.
Onto her asking look I'd just said "You wont have a present, so here is nothing"
The rest is history
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      11-24-2017, 12:03 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Go sorting out your excuses for giving your wife a juicer!
Funny thing, I've actually just ordered it. Found it online at Costco for $580 plus tax for a decent middle of the line blender.

I think she'll enjoy it greatly. Especially since that is going to be her combo birthday and Christmas present this year (her birthday is about 10 days away from Christmas, so really convenient to just get her one present and be done).

She hates when I do that though, so I'll have to make some efforts I suppose for whatever date she doesn't get the blender on.

If you don't see any posts from me, post Christmas, then I've probably been blended.
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he's Canadian. By international law we all must worship him and all other products of the country.
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      11-24-2017, 01:01 PM   #16
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Funny thing, I've actually just ordered it. Found it online at Costco for $580 plus tax for a decent middle of the line blender.

I think she'll enjoy it greatly. Especially since that is going to be her combo birthday and Christmas present this year (her birthday is about 10 days away from Christmas, so really convenient to just get her one present and be done).

She hates when I do that though, so I'll have to make some efforts I suppose for whatever date she doesn't get the blender on.

If you don't see any posts from me, post Christmas, then I've probably been blended.
Can you in the case of your vision happens make sure i get your windows info? I need the brand and her review on the product. You know, for a friend!
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Originally Posted by Uber Commuter View Post
Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.
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      11-24-2017, 01:19 PM   #17
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Indeed.

I usually buy my wife a new dildo at Christmas, and leave it sticking out the turkey's ass.
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      11-24-2017, 01:32 PM   #18
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Can you in the case of your vision happens make sure i get your windows info? I need the brand and her review on the product. You know, for a friend!


Will do. I'll specifically ask her to provide her opinion on how well it blends human sized femurs, since I'd imagine that's of a pressing interest...for your friend.
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he's Canadian. By international law we all must worship him and all other products of the country.
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      11-24-2017, 01:36 PM   #19
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Will do. I'll specifically ask her to provide her opinion on how well it blends human sized femurs, since I'd imagine that's of a pressing interest...for your friend.
Yeah, my friend wants to know, and she'd prefer if she could get the info before she has to invite or not to invite her family for Christmas. They love smoothies.

(a pacifist and a religious freak talking about Christmas, and this is what we blend to!)
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Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.
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      11-24-2017, 01:48 PM   #20
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Yeah, my friend wants to know, and she'd prefer if she could get the info before she has to invite or not to invite her family for Christmas. They love smoothies.

(a pacifist and a religious freak talking about Christmas, and this is what we blend to!)
Well, Christmas is about the birth of Christ, so me talking about it fits nicely with my religious freak image. Further, Christianity places a pretty high importance on death, especially one man's death in particular when you think about it...so again, I'm sticking with my image quite well here.

But you on the other hand, a self avowed pacifist, devolving into discussions pertaining to serving human smoothies...well, as to what you are doing in this thread...





BTW, you may be interested in the "Will it blend" videos on Youtube. They'll be old by now, but a helpful source of information I'm sure.
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      11-24-2017, 01:55 PM   #21
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Well, Christmas is about the birth of Christ, so me talking about it fits nicely with my religious freak image. Further, Christianity places a pretty high importance on death, especially one man's death in particular when you think about it...so again, I'm sticking with my image quite well here.

But you on the other hand, a self avowed pacifist, devolving into discussions pertaining to serving human smoothies...well, as to what you are doing in this thread...





BTW, you may be interested in the "Will it blend" videos on Youtube. They'll be old by now, but a helpful source of information I'm sure.
Hahahaa!

I meant no offense, i actually am sorry i put it like that. That was poor in humor and in taste.

I've told you how i do my mental murders right? I don't do blenders in them. I use math to get over my anger.
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Do you believe in Lups?

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Lups.
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      11-24-2017, 02:17 PM   #22
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Hahahaa!

I meant no offense, i actually am sorry i put it like that. That was poor in humor and in taste.

I've told you how i do my mental murders right? I don't do blenders in them. I use math to get over my anger.
All good - it would take a lot more than being called a freak to offend me! I was actually somewhat pleased. After all, it is nice to be different, and Christians are supposed to stand out from the rest of the world as an example.

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