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      08-23-2007, 02:26 PM   #1
Josh49
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Best man speech/toast jokes..

Best man at my brothers wedding in a couple weeks..

What are some of the best wedding one-liners/toasts you have heard?? Trying to brainstorm as many ideas as possible for this thing and then I'll focus in on exactly what I want to say.. Any openers or closers are greatly appreciated..

I guess I'm looking more for jokes. I don't do the serious and emotional stuff.. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just not my style..
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      08-23-2007, 02:36 PM   #2
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I've pretty much seen everything google has to offer on this matter btw. I guess I was curious to hear some personal experiences/lines that people enjoyed..
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      08-23-2007, 06:11 PM   #3
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Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"
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      08-23-2007, 06:12 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by specialque View Post
Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"
eh, who hasn't been to a wedding where they've heard that one?
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      08-23-2007, 06:20 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by specialque View Post
Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"


That's awesome..
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      08-23-2007, 06:56 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by specialque View Post
Instruct the Bride to hold out her hand palm down...
Have the groom place his hand over the brides hand, again palm down...
Then say to the groom, "Enjoy this moment, because this is the last time you'll have the upper-hand in the relationship"
My best man did this to me at my wedding about 7 years ago. Prior to that day, I had been to at most 1-2 weddings so I definitely wasn't expecting it. The funny thing is that the photographer managed to get a shot of our expressions. Me and my wife had shocked looks on our faces, while the best man just stood there looking mischievous.
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      08-23-2007, 08:10 PM   #7
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Ending/Toast:

"To ________ and ________ may all your ups and downs come only from the bedroom"


or

"To _________ and ________ may you never lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie...lie together, if you must cheat...cheat death, and if you must drink, then drink with all of for we all love you and wish you all the happiness that you deserve."
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      08-23-2007, 08:44 PM   #8
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Like I've told everyone else who's asked me my opinion (never been a best man, groomsman ~ times) just wing it. Collect thoughts before hand, maybe write a few topics down, but when it comes down to it, it will just come out.

You'll remember stuff you never thought of. Everything will flow.

Good luck, best wishes to your bro and his bride.
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      08-24-2007, 07:18 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jon@themshop View Post
Ending/Toast:

"To ________ and ________ may all your ups and downs come only from the bedroom"


or

"To _________ and ________ may you never lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie...lie together, if you must cheat...cheat death, and if you must drink, then drink with all of for we all love you and wish you all the happiness that you deserve."

ive heard your second one before. it was from a movie right? sounds soo familiar. HITCH!!!
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      08-24-2007, 07:23 AM   #10
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am i right?
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      08-24-2007, 07:35 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jon@themshop View Post
"To _________ and ________ may you never lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie...lie together, if you must cheat...cheat death, and if you must drink, then drink with all of for we all love you and wish you all the happiness that you deserve."
The Hitch version is a tad different but it's a pretty old toast that it's based on.

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."
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      08-24-2007, 09:23 AM   #12
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Quote:
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The Hitch version is a tad different but it's a pretty old toast that it's based on.

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."
I like that point up until the drink part. Why not drink!?! I understand never stealing or cheating, but why say never drink..

Yep, from Hitch..
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      08-24-2007, 09:48 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmulax View Post
eh, who hasn't been to a wedding where they've heard that one?
Agreed, my wife did that one at a wedding a couple months ago, first time I heard it, but I figured she got it from somewhere. Be original, that's my advice.
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      08-24-2007, 01:35 PM   #14
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Here's to getting Honor

Here's to staying Honor

And if you can't come in Her

Come Honor.
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      08-24-2007, 01:52 PM   #15
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Here's to getting Honor

Here's to staying Honor

And if you can't come in Her

Come Honor.
ROFL!!!!



Her family would absolutely kill me!!!
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      08-26-2007, 02:11 PM   #16
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Actually, I think it goes...

Here's to Honor..[pause]
get on her and stay on her,
and if you can't cum in her, come on her.

another...

Here's to the women in high heel shoes,
that spend our money and drink our booze.
Though they may not be virgin's, that is no sin,
They still have the box the cherry comes in...
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