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      07-04-2012, 12:05 AM   #1
tshoww
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I Hate Feeling Unsuccessful

How old were you when you felt successful? Where were you at age 21?

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Last edited by tshoww; 07-20-2012 at 11:08 PM.
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      07-04-2012, 12:19 AM   #2
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Sell the car, buy condoms.
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      07-04-2012, 01:32 AM   #3
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I'm about to graduate college in a month
Get that done and over with and then see where that takes you. Even though a degree is by no means a guarantee of anything especially in today's economy, it'll definitely help your chances and things can snowball in a good way.
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      07-04-2012, 01:54 AM   #4
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you already own an E92? things could be a lot worse than that.
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      07-04-2012, 02:15 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ejheverest
you already own an E92? things could be a lot worse than that.
forgive my ignorance but how do you afford an e92 with 1 kid and wife and 2nd on the way? is your wife some sort of sugar-mama?
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      07-04-2012, 08:54 AM   #6
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This is why I dont want to think about getting married/kids until my 30's. Im selfish and I want to live my 20's with no regrets. Still so many bucket list things to do.....
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      07-04-2012, 09:13 AM   #7
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How you feel comes from self-esteem, not what you have. Focus on where you want to be and not where you're currently at. The feeling of success will never escape you.
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      07-04-2012, 09:24 AM   #8
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Sell the car, buy condoms.
wish I saw this a 2 years ago...

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Originally Posted by TK-421 View Post
Get that done and over with and then see where that takes you. Even though a degree is by no means a guarantee of anything especially in today's economy, it'll definitely help your chances and things can snowball in a good way.
exactly, i'm hoping this degree will give me opportunity to be promoted or find an actual career

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you already own an E92? things could be a lot worse than that.
yeah well i'm regretting buying it :/

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forgive my ignorance but how do you afford an e92 with 1 kid and wife and 2nd on the way? is your wife some sort of sugar-mama?
i budget very well, she works maybe 1-2 times a month. We never eat out, or buy anything extra. If we ate out a lot, and bought new clothes, electronics, etc then I couldn't afford it.

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This is why I dont want to think about getting married/kids until my 30's. Im selfish and I want to live my 20's with no regrets. Still so many bucket list things to do.....
I definitely don't regret having kids so young because when i'm in my 40's they will be all grown up and I can enjoy my life/retirement

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How you feel comes from self-esteem, not what you have. Focus on where you want to be and not where you're currently at. The feeling of success will never escape you.
Great advice, now I just need to figure out where I do want to go in life.
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      07-04-2012, 09:33 AM   #9
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You have a job, a car, a place to live, a wife and 2 children all of which you are taking care of. I consider that successful my man.
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      07-04-2012, 09:43 AM   #10
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You have a job, a car, a place to live, a wife and 2 children all of which you are taking care of. I consider that successful my man.
I agree, you're doin pretty good i reckon. Maybe you just gotta relax your mind, always be grateful and take things one day at a time.
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      07-04-2012, 10:08 AM   #11
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You have a job, a car, a place to live, a wife and 2 children all of which you are taking care of. I consider that successful my man.
+1 your holding it all together a lot better than many other people out there. I'd say your also pretty successful
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      07-04-2012, 10:49 AM   #12
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You have a family, have held a job through a bad economic downturn, an education and Internet access not mention a BMW: I think your perception of yourself and your self esteem need to be worked on. Just because your not a self-made millionaire, won a noble prize and read about yourself in the Times doesn't mean your not successful. Dont compare yourself to others as we are all on different paths through life. Take control over how you feel about yourself and you won't feel like a "victim". You're still young, OP, and making (based in what I read) sound responsible choices. Keep up the good work!
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      07-04-2012, 11:09 AM   #13
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I'm also 21 and don't feel successful by any stretch. I believe success to be relative and probably won't feel successful until I've secured a comfortable lifestyle for myself and my future family, hopefully by my mid-30s. I think I've always set high standards for myself and they've motivated me since I was a kid. I was lucky--my dad is wired the same way and I think he passed that on.

Confidence and self-esteem, however, really shouldn't be affected by your measure of success at 21. They'll come naturally after you notice a prolonged commitment to your goals begin to pay off.

This leads me to the main point--the issue of motivation and success I've seen in many people I've met is a mental one. People look for short-term payoffs or changes and don't want to think several years down the line. They are quick to abandon commitments because they look for immediate change in their lives and when they don't realize it, they go back to how they were before.

You need to imagine exactly where you want to be at 25, at 30, etc., to consider yourself successful. Do some research and make it realistic based on your background and skills/knowledge. Then plan out what needs to happen and when for you to come closer to realizing those goals, and change your lifestyle to work towards them, little by little, each day. Confidence in yourself will build once you begin to notice the results of your work (might take weeks/months before you might look back and realize how far you've come). This will also help you to stay focused and motivated.

Finally, a healthier lifestyle will allow you to be more productive and to accomplish much more each day. This is key and often overlooked, and will be hugely difficult for you with young kids. Eat unprocessed food, run every day, get in shape. Work on your social and conversational skills, hold conversations with people you typically wouldn't. Follow the news and learn about topics you typically don't. Avoid unproductive (time and cost) hobbies. Think of your spending each time you do so (especially important with your 2 kids - time value of money is extremely high for you).

With the obstacles you have, you have it especially difficult. The rate at which you progress towards your goals might be 20-30% of what it could be otherwise. But you need to also realize that you'll come out much stronger and better prepared to deal with stress and other constraints because of it, regardless of where you wish to end up.
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      07-04-2012, 11:36 AM   #14
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son

success is relative.

Compared to some, you're at the bottom of the pit.
Compared to others, you're wealthy.

Know what you have, accept it, live happy, but always look for more. That's the positive attitude.
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      07-04-2012, 11:58 AM   #15
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Could be worse. Don't focus on where are you now, invest in your future and on your long run. Trust me I know
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BMW have tapped into this by mirroring typical BMW dynamics and steering communication within the new UKL cars.
You mean massive body roll, a steering system that is not connected to the front wheels, and the engine note played through the speaker system?!?!?!?!
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      07-04-2012, 12:08 PM   #16
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In some ways, you are more successful than me. You have children, a woman that you love, and presumably a home.

On paper, I'm considered a relatively 'successful' person already. I'm a graduate student, and (assuming I make it through the rest of school) will soon be entering a lucrative, fulfilling profession without any concerns about employment or finances in the long run. A profession that many dream about, for them and their children.

But at what cost? I'm 25, at the prime of my life, and yet I have no life outside my chosen career. I work 12-14 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. Sometimes more, including overnight, and sometimes less. When I'm not working, I'm studying for classes. When I'm not studying for classes, I'm doing research. When I'm not doing research, I'm preparing for my board exam. And what do I have to look forward to? Increasing work hours for the next 4-6 years, at a minimum. Example: I'm working on the 4th of July. Till midnight.

Forget about hobbies; how will I have time to meet that special person, start a family, and even have time to enjoy with them?

"Success" has a price. Take a look at what your priorities are in life, before you try to pursue success. Best of luck to you.
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      07-04-2012, 12:24 PM   #17
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The sad things is its all about money. If op made another 50k$ on the side, he or we wouldn't be depressed. If you are mentally strong enough then those things won't matter and you will enjoy the simple joys of life. Wine, wife, life, and weather.

It comes down to money and how much more you can make. I know people who make 6 figures and are still unhappy and I know some who make 400$ a week and are happy.
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      07-04-2012, 12:44 PM   #18
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Hi there. I'm 40. I have 5 kids. The oldest, 20. The youngest, 1. On second wife. I just have one question for you...


WTF were/are you thinking?!
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      07-04-2012, 12:46 PM   #19
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The sad things is its all about money. If op made another 50k$ on the side, he or we wouldn't be depressed. If you are mentally strong enough then those things won't matter and you will enjoy the simple joys of life. Wine, wife, life, and weather.

It comes down to money and how much more you can make. I know people who make 6 figures and are still unhappy and I know some who make 400$ a week and are happy.
Mid 6 figures here... can never seem to get ahead. Fuckin broke most of the time.

Money doesn't equal jack shit. Piece of mind and being happy with who you are are priceless.
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      07-04-2012, 12:49 PM   #20
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When I was 21, I was taking the bus to campus, my room was maybe 200 sqft, shared a kitchen/bathroom (5 students on the floor all sharing the same bathroom).

I didn't have a girlfriend, worked as a math tutor, and student registration assistant, and at a vietnamese pho place. I even teamed up with other poor students to do "meal" nights where we would make a meal from combined ingredients we would all pitch in. My grocery bill per month was sub-$60.

I didn't have a car until I was about 6 months into graduate school. I was happy, and enjoyed living the student life.

You're doing pretty good. It all depends on how you judge success. One of my closest associates lives in a $1.5 million bedroom luxury apartment in West Hollywood. He's in his mid-40s, no kids, no family in the area, and thinks his life is awesome. Myself, I think that's a nightmare being a father myself.

Love the wife, appreciate the kids. Friends, well, trust me you will make a lot of friends later in life.
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      07-04-2012, 01:06 PM   #21
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r3cKoNize= $30,000 Millionaire G
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      07-04-2012, 01:11 PM   #22
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at least you married a girl you wanted and you have family.
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