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      06-27-2012, 10:13 AM   #23
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I wouldn't get rid of him, but sit down and talk with him (Like you mentioned)

Mention that you two used to be real close, alot closer than you really are now and that it is important to you that he participates in your wedding wholeheartedly.

If he doesn't react, ask him if he even wants to participate as a best man.. ask him if he'd like to be a groomsman instead
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      06-27-2012, 10:15 AM   #24
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It's all about #1. Do what you want to do. If he's not getting it done for you, then he really isn't your best man.
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      06-27-2012, 10:27 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMWinNorthdakota View Post
I wouldn't get rid of him, but sit down and talk with him (Like you mentioned)

Mention that you two used to be real close, alot closer than you really are now and that it is important to you that he participates in your wedding wholeheartedly.

If he doesn't react, ask him if he even wants to participate as a best man.. ask him if he'd like to be a groomsman instead
well i think he's best suited as a groomsman, I know he supposedly already wrote a speech and everything, which he can still do. But he just doesn't deserve the title.

Thanks for all the honest feedback guys it's appreciated. All my other groomsmen feel pretty much the same way. Many of them are pretty taken back and disgusted by how terrible of a best man he has been.
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      06-27-2012, 10:34 AM   #26
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This is a good time for a "Home Improvement" quote! Has he been your best friend for 10 years, or was he your best friend 10 years ago?

You HAVE to drop this guy. You will regret it if you keep him as your best man. Obviously, he and his wife have major trust/jealousy/possessive/whipped issues. He also is apparently too "high class" for the likes of you, being that he deleted his FB due to old pics now that he has a "new image".

I would have a heart-to-heart with him. Tell him you're offended and hurt because you thought more and expected more out of your friendship. And although his wife should be the most important person in his life, it shouldn't mean that he disregards his friends.

I'll give you an easy out: tell him he HAS to dance with the bridesmaid or you'll need to replace him. He'll probably voluntarily drop out.
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      06-27-2012, 10:35 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PicassoM View Post
well i think he's best suited as a groomsman, I know he supposedly already wrote a speech and everything, which he can still do. But he just doesn't deserve the title.

Thanks for all the honest feedback guys it's appreciated. All my other groomsmen feel pretty much the same way. Many of them are pretty taken back and disgusted by how terrible of a best man he has been.
Sometimes even close friends need a kick in the ass or slap in the face (figuratively usually) to come to a realization. He may not realize it now but he might, who knows til you speak with him. At least everyone can say that have tried. I suggest talking to him 1v1 in case you plan on getting everyone together as he might feel more defensive and ganged up on if it's everyone. Another friend along could work, it just depends on the group dynamics.
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      06-27-2012, 10:41 AM   #28
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Sorry to hear about ur problem dude...


But it's not the worst best man story I know. My friend's best friend and best man, who he has known since they were infants, cheated with my friend's fiancee and got her pregnant. So things can be worse, lol.
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      06-27-2012, 10:54 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grieverr View Post
This is a good time for a "Home Improvement" quote! Has he been your best friend for 10 years, or was he your best friend 10 years ago?

You HAVE to drop this guy. You will regret it if you keep him as your best man. Obviously, he and his wife have major trust/jealousy/possessive/whipped issues. He also is apparently too "high class" for the likes of you, being that he deleted his FB due to old pics now that he has a "new image".

I would have a heart-to-heart with him. Tell him you're offended and hurt because you thought more and expected more out of your friendship. And although his wife should be the most important person in his life, it shouldn't mean that he disregards his friends.

I'll give you an easy out: tell him he HAS to dance with the bridesmaid or you'll need to replace him. He'll probably voluntarily drop out.
known him for 13 or so years, just over the past 2 years he's been more distant. He's not high class, more like lazy. But his wife is/was a virgin meanwhile he had 50 women under his belt so he wanted to paint a picture perfect vision that he wasnt' a bad boy once. I already talked to him about teh dancing with the maid of honor, he got it, but the fact that I had to say something was facepalm worthy.

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Originally Posted by OC 335i View Post
Sometimes even close friends need a kick in the ass or slap in the face (figuratively usually) to come to a realization. He may not realize it now but he might, who knows til you speak with him. At least everyone can say that have tried. I suggest talking to him 1v1 in case you plan on getting everyone together as he might feel more defensive and ganged up on if it's everyone. Another friend along could work, it just depends on the group dynamics.
Would love to have someone else mediate, he never really understands because he's always right and very competitive. So he'll find fault with me. He even calls me a groomzilla because I asked him to do stuff he's supposed to do.

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Originally Posted by darwin316 View Post
Sorry to hear about ur problem dude...


But it's not the worst best man story I know. My friend's best friend and best man, who he has known since they were infants, cheated with my friend's fiancee and got her pregnant. So things can be worse, lol.
yeah... that's a serious problem.
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      06-27-2012, 12:07 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darwin316 View Post
But it's not the worst best man story I know. My friend's best friend and best man, who he has known since they were infants, cheated with my friend's fiancee and got her pregnant. So things can be worse, lol.
Damn, that sounds like a topic that would have been one of those terrible talk shows like Jerry Springer or Maury Povich.
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      06-27-2012, 12:28 PM   #31
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Dude your best man is a little bitch. This is YOUR wedding and his head is shoved so far up his wife's ass, he doesn't give two shits about it. You need to bump up the other guy to best man. He is a true friend to you. Seriously OP, this is your big day. Do what you need to do to make it perfect because it only happens once.
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      06-27-2012, 12:41 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by silvergray545 View Post
Dude your best man is a little bitch. This is YOUR wedding and his head is shoved so far up his wife's ass, he doesn't give two shits about it. You need to bump up the other guy to best man. He is a true friend to you. Seriously OP, this is your big day. Do what you need to do to make it perfect because it only happens once.
Thanks yea, it's a tough call, he's still a good friend, just distant and in his own world now. I know he was honored to be chosen and at the time it was the obvious choice for me and as expected by others, but since he didn't do anything... everyone is like WTF did you choose him. It's not going to go over well, but I think it might just have to be done.

I want to ask him if he actually feels like my best man and if he thinks he deserves it and why. If he brings up the past... hell he buried the past as soon as he got married. Unfortunate
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      06-27-2012, 01:06 PM   #33
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were you the best man for his wedding?
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      06-27-2012, 01:12 PM   #34
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were you the best man for his wedding?
Odd story. I probably would have been. He is Turkish and he had his wedding planned and done in 6 months. He didn't have groomsmen or bridesmaids. Just has his sister and brother - (whom he doesn't get along with) walk the isle. No best man speeches or anything. It was messy and unorganized and he changed everything the day before the wedding.

He just wanted to get married and over and done with.
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      06-27-2012, 01:37 PM   #35
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that's maybe why he's not taking it seriously. or doesn't understand the importance of being "the" best man. I was honored to be one of the best men of 3 weddings. But I don't think I can handle the responsibilities of the main one. The most I ever had to do was the organize a bachelor party and that was just a trip to the strip club.
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      06-27-2012, 02:14 PM   #36
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Dump the guy, seriously, sounds like a selfish prick, I've seen this happen before, he won't change. And the other guys will appreciate you and hook you up more. I would go out of my way to ask him to step down, aside and have a seat with the rest of the wedding guests.
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      06-27-2012, 03:13 PM   #37
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Interesting how many people are saying you should change the best man.
I had my wedding a year ago and I had a similar problem, as well as my wife.

I had my brother as my best man and all of my groomsmen were my college friends and my brother had hard time getting involved.
I was worried and stressed but my best friend as a groomsman took a charge and acted like a best man without taking the crown.
It all worked out good but it wasn't easy.

In other hand, my wife made her best friend who was living in other state as her maid of honor and of course things weren't moving fast enough so she called her off and trust me, it got so ugly. Until today, they aren't close as before.

If you think he is someone who you can't replace from your life (meaning of the best friend to me), stick with him no matter what.
But teach him some lessons as you deserve your day from your best friend.
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      06-27-2012, 03:23 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darwin316 View Post
Sorry to hear about ur problem dude...


But it's not the worst best man story I know. My friend's best friend and best man, who he has known since they were infants, cheated with my friend's fiancee and got her pregnant. So things can be worse, lol.
mind=blown
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      06-27-2012, 03:34 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by PicassoM View Post
Would love to have someone else mediate, he never really understands because he's always right and very competitive. So he'll find fault with me. He even calls me a groomzilla because I asked him to do stuff he's supposed to do.
That right there is grounds for dismissal. Just dump him and get someone else to step up. He's being a toolbag.

Asking someone to do their job isn't being a jerk. He's just lazy and doesn't want to do it. Relieve him and get someone else, you'll both be happier.
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      06-27-2012, 03:37 PM   #40
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If it isn't too late, get your "other best man" to do the job. If shit goes wrong or if the original choice fucks it up, you don't get a "do over."

You may regret it for the rest of your life, and your wife will be pissed at you forever.
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      06-27-2012, 03:41 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PicassoM View Post
start Rant/

So i've come to a bit of a cross road with the best man in my wedding, 2 months before the big day. We've been best friends for the past 12 years through college years into our careers. However he met his wife 2 years ago (was married within 1 year) and honestly things have changed drastically. Never hear from him, we don't have much in common anymore, he always has this chip on the shoulder from me giving him crap in the past about changing who he is for his wife. OMG there's been FB drama, the whole 9 yards, Now I feel like I barely know him.

I made him my best man since we've been friends for so long and at the time things were better than they are now. I probably didn't think it through enough at the time. Few facts:
  • He being my best man is the only groomsman not going to the bachelor party (because he doesn't want his wife to get jealous and he doesn't want to risk cheating on his wife), He also didn't try to help plan any of it
  • He didn't organize or go to the tux fitting and went to a baby shower instead
  • He is one of the last people to still not send in the RSVP for the wedding, it's got a damn stamp on it, how hard is that?
  • Never really offered to help
  • I had to organize getting all the groomsmen to get together
  • Seems to care less about the wedding and thinks i'm a groomzilla

Another one of my best friends has done all of the above, recently just helped me through an injury i sustained which landed me in the ER for 5 hours and he's just always there for me and honestly my best friend and has never changed who he is.

I feel like I screwed up and put the wrong guy with the title and responsibility that I expected. Issue I have is that this is my one wedding. I feel like if I keep him, i'm not having the wedding how I want it, and for the price i'm paying and the image I always had in my head about my special day, my conscious tells me I should change him out, even though it may cause waves and possibly close a friendship that really doesn't seem to matter to me anymore.

On the other hand my brain also tells me to just leave it be, don't make waves, keep the wedding going smooth.

There's a lot more to the story, but this is just the 20,000 ft level. I'm going to have a talk with him this week, and am really considering making the change and letting him know how I feel.

Just looking for some thoughts. It's a tough situation and it's also very disheartening to see someone you used to call your brother end up being someone that really doesn't exist in your life anymore the way you expected them to always be there. Even my soon to be wife thinks he sucks as a best man...



/rant
He is wife whipped. He went to a damn baby shower instad of a bachelor party?! That is pretty gay imho...
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      06-27-2012, 04:00 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jlstyle View Post
Interesting how many people are saying you should change the best man.
I had my wedding a year ago and I had a similar problem, as well as my wife.

I had my brother as my best man and all of my groomsmen were my college friends and my brother had hard time getting involved.
I was worried and stressed but my best friend as a groomsman took a charge and acted like a best man without taking the crown.
It all worked out good but it wasn't easy.

In other hand, my wife made her best friend who was living in other state as her maid of honor and of course things weren't moving fast enough so she called her off and trust me, it got so ugly. Until today, they aren't close as before.

If you think he is someone who you can't replace from your life (meaning of the best friend to me), stick with him no matter what.
But teach him some lessons as you deserve your day from your best friend.
Yeah my fiancee has a little bit of the same issue, her sister is young and isn't up for the responsibilities so basically both me and her have had to rely on other bridesmaids and groomsmen for everything. My boys have the entire bachelor party planned, so no worries.

however I don't know what "lessons" can be taught.

Quote:
Originally Posted by san~man View Post
If it isn't too late, get your "other best man" to do the job. If shit goes wrong or if the original choice fucks it up, you don't get a "do over."

You may regret it for the rest of your life, and your wife will be pissed at you forever.
My other best man has done 1/2 the planning and has bent over backwards in every aspect. So I may have to give him the spot. I'm sure i'll have an update on Thursday.

Quote:
He is wife whipped. He went to a damn baby shower instad of a bachelor party?! That is pretty gay imho...
Yeah exactly what I said, it was a baby shower for a fellow guy friend of ours who had a jack/jill shower. Thing is 2 of my 7 groomsmen went to that instead of the tux fitting. One I understood, but not the bestman. They said it was more important than getting a tux fitted which they can do anytime. Both are married and pretty much can't be detached from their wives. I called them homos, then they called me crazy for thinking a groomsman activity was more important. The damn baby wasn't even born yet! Just a shower with a pregnant wife. The insanity... they tried to make me think I was crazy
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      06-27-2012, 06:27 PM   #43
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i remember the original thread

just get a better best man.

what kind of relationship is it where you cannot dance with the maid of honor?
has he cheated a lot in the past so his wife cannot trust him? I feel sorry for their marriage...
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      06-27-2012, 06:37 PM   #44
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i remember the original thread

just get a better best man.

what kind of relationship is it where you cannot dance with the maid of honor?
has he cheated a lot in the past so his wife cannot trust him? I feel sorry for their marriage...
he's overprotective. His wife is hot, big fake boobs, was an innocent 23 year old virgin when they met (he was 29 when they met)... still.

I don't want to comment on his infidelities. I think we all know why guys get overprotective, because they've had issues remaining faithful in their past and they think their girls will do it too.
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