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      08-04-2014, 06:19 AM   #1
lemonpark
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dealing with a break up?

hey guys

would any of you guys have any advice on this topic?

went out for a drive and that helped.
shit happens i guess haha
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      08-04-2014, 06:37 AM   #2
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Masturbate
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      08-04-2014, 06:41 AM   #3
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There's never going to be something that will satisfy the space left from the separation of two people, especially when they are close. The only thing that will ever make something of this subject "better" is time and time alone. Everything else that you can do will simply be a distraction from the emotions that you have built up with that significant other that was in your life. One of the most volatile solutions that people usually draw is to fill that vacancy with a profound immediacy that can only be defined as irrational; this could possibly the worst course of action and is really the only advice I would stress you not do.

For the time being, the best way to deal with the situation would be to lend yourself to all the projects, activities, and distractions that you possibly can until you find emotions bound to that separation dissipating. You'll find happiness in the activities that you do and begin to let go of the significance that you invested into another being and eventually begin to again look inward to satisfy what they once provided to you.

Best of luck guy, everyone's been there and it's never an easy time.


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Or This... +1 to this.
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Masturbate
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      08-04-2014, 06:45 AM   #4
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There's never going to be something that will satisfy the space left from the separation of two people, especially when they are close. The only thing that will ever make something of this subject "better" is time and time alone. Everything else that you can do will simply be a distraction from the emotions that you have built up with that significant other that was in your life. One of the most volatile solutions that people usually draw is to fill that vacancy with a profound immediacy that can only be defined as irrational; this could possibly the worst course of action and is really the only advice I would stress you not do.

For the time being, the best way to deal with the situation would be to lend yourself to all the projects, activities, and distractions that you possibly can until you find emotions bound to that separation dissipating. You'll find happiness in the activities that you do and begin to let go of the significance that you invested into another being and eventually begin to again look inward to satisfy what they once provided to you.

Best of luck guy, everyone's been there and it's never an easy time.


Edit:

Or This... +1 to this.
thanks for the reply! some sound advice. actually been quite busy with work and on my day's off I have Uni or something to do with my car. keeping busy is what I think I should do. actually had some mods planned for later on, but since I'm now gonna be saving some money the mods will come faster

but honestly, thanks for the advice.
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      08-04-2014, 08:36 AM   #5
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Understand that you don't need to rely on someone else to be happy in your life, and you should have no problem getting over it. There will be someone else that will walk in your life and you'll get all giddy again, so just live life and be happy for what you do have.

Relationships don't work out all the time, mine is constantly on that edge, so you could be happy that you don't have to deal with unsettling situations anymore, or trying to make sure another person is happy, lol.

You're at a Uni with a decked out BMW, use it to your advantage and have some single life fun. Find some hobbies that you might not have looked into before, hit the gym more often, join a Yoga class, whack off when you feel like you need someone, etc.

Or if you really want someone, you can take my SO for a while and I'll go be single.
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      08-04-2014, 09:13 AM   #6
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      08-04-2014, 09:35 AM   #7
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every time the thought of the person comes up scream "NO!" inside your head (silently) and try to go on with what you're doing. sounds silly but eventually it'll be come less and less of a thought. people come and go, life goes on.
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      08-04-2014, 10:06 AM   #8
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Think about what you did to make her dump you and dont repeat the mistake next time around.
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      08-04-2014, 10:08 AM   #9
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Dude you'll be ok. Like everyone is saying, find something to occupy your time.

I'm 31yrs and i have NEVER had a gf. I just dated various girls here and there, believe me, it's fun exploring all sorts of Women.

I try not to rely my life happiness on someone else. I have plenty of hobbies and activities to do to occupy my time.

I am dating/seeing someone now (obviously i don't plan on being single forever) But you'll be ok. She's the one who is loosing out not you.

Hopefully you learned a lot from this situation and you will become a much stronger/smarter person.
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      08-04-2014, 10:14 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gatorfast View Post
Think about what you did to make her dump you and dont repeat the mistake next time around.
This is true...if you don't get it figured out, you're bound to keep finding yourself in this situation. I don't know what you want from a woman, a relationship, life, whatever. But I'm sure this isn't it.

Take this time to work on yourself and learn from whatever happened.
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      08-04-2014, 10:14 AM   #11
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Think about what you did to make her dump you and dont repeat the mistake next time around.
i actually didn't do anything haha. i had to move to a diff state for work and uni. if i had cheated or something then i wouldn't have made a thread about it lol.
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      08-04-2014, 10:20 AM   #12
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i actually didn't do anything haha. i had to move to a diff state for work and uni. if i had cheated or something then i wouldn't have made a thread about it lol.
You're situation is easier then, IMO. You get to start with a clean slate, in a new area, where you can form new relationships. I love being states away from where we grew up.

How long were you together?
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      08-04-2014, 10:24 AM   #13
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You're situation is easier then, IMO. You get to start with a clean slate, in a new area, where you can form new relationships. I love being states away from where we grew up.

How long were you together?
haha yeah thats true. not long compared to other people, just under a year and half. but the longest i've been in a relo for. normally never for that long and that's why i think its different. but still taking it all as learning experience and trying to see a better side to it. i think i just feel as if i've wasted my time, energy and money. but i guess it was all worth it at the time and you can't tell the future so yeah.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? haha

yeah I also try not to let my happiness rely on other people because we all know how that's gonna end. but I think I just let it slip for a while with this one and got caught off guard. I'm sure i'll be fine and just wanted some reassurance from others that have been through the same. It's kind of hard for me to talk about this with most of my mates, and you guys helped a lot. I mean that. thanks a bunch to all of you
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Last edited by lemonpark; 08-04-2014 at 10:30 AM.
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      08-04-2014, 10:31 AM   #14
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Quote:
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haha yeah thats true. not long compared to other people, just under a year and half. but the longest i've been in a relo for. normally never for that long and that's why i think its different. but still taking it all as learning experience and trying to see a better side to it. i think i just feel as if i've wasted my time, energy and money. but i guess it was all worth it at the time and you can tell the future so yeah.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? haha
It's definitely a bit of time. I've got 4.5 years under my belt right now, and was about to do the same thing when we separated due to my work, but now she is down here with.

Don't think of it as wasted efforts. Everything in life is a learning experience, take what you learned from what you both had, and if it was good, apply it going forward, if things were less than satisfactory, use that to better yourself for the new here and now.

Just don't get wrapped up with the fact of thinking you need someone. Be happy with yourself, enjoy the new scenery, enjoy the new faces, bang some new women, and take full advantage of life.

The being happy with yourself thing is going to take a little time. I was pretty upset when I was away from my SO for a year, because you're used to having that someone. Got over it, because there are a million things in the world that I did that enunciated my independence. Take on some new hobbies, meet new friends, and it will seem as if you are in a new stage, and what happened before is a brink of the past.
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      08-04-2014, 10:38 AM   #15
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Quote:
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It's definitely a bit of time. I've got 4.5 years under my belt right now, and was about to do the same thing when we separated due to my work, but now she is down here with.

Don't think of it as wasted efforts. Everything in life is a learning experience, take what you learned from what you both had, and if it was good, apply it going forward, if things were less than satisfactory, use that to better yourself for the new here and now.

Just don't get wrapped up with the fact of thinking you need someone. Be happy with yourself, enjoy the new scenery, enjoy the new faces, bang some new women, and take full advantage of life.
damn bro. im happy for you man! and I honestly thank you for the replies and general advice. and yeah i'm gonna learn from all this and try to apply all that i've learnt for a better me in the future.

and plus, i've always got my car in the end, the real true love of my life haha
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      08-04-2014, 10:46 AM   #16
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Shit, I wish I could say I were happy for me too, but my situation has been less than idealic for...., years. LOL

No problem man. It's hard moving away from everything you know, especially when you are younger and still figuring things out. You'll do well, do things you enjoy and let happiness ensue.

If your car isn't enough to make you happy, I'm sure a floosy will find it appealing and you can at least find some short lived partnership to clear your mind for a while.
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      08-04-2014, 10:56 AM   #17
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We have a "Love Line" forum on E46Fanatics that's pretty successful. We should implement something like that here.

With that said, everybody employs different coping mechanisms. Sometimes people deal with the loss in a healthy manner, and sometimes people venture into unhealthy activities. All that I can suggest is to not become reclusive, and to surround yourself with positive people. Also, dive head first into your favorite activities (..gym, hiking, driving, painting, skiing, etc.). Staying busy/active is the first step.
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      08-04-2014, 11:09 AM   #18
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Seriously, find another and better woman. Other people here have said that's the worst advice possible, but it's not. Breaking-up is inevitable if you are single. Once you are married, it's different, the stakeholders have considerable assets, children, emotional attachment, etc.

It's hard, we've all been through it. But when you meet someone better, you start to realize the previous was not the right person anyway....
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      08-04-2014, 11:25 AM   #19
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Lots of time with friends - time alone will just make you think about the time you spent with her. Keep yourself active and busy, make new friends and try NEW things.
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      08-04-2014, 11:40 AM   #20
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I am actually surprised at all the good advice given here specially since every other thread gets jacked almost in no time.
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      08-04-2014, 01:02 PM   #21
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^ I can help that:

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it was yours from the beginning.
If not, hunt her down. . .
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      08-04-2014, 01:30 PM   #22
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meh..
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