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      11-09-2011, 11:57 AM   #45
AU335i
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Originally Posted by BrokenVert View Post
Sophomore year of college my gf comes up to see me. Its been a couple weeks since weve seen eachother so we get going. Some time later we finish up.

Then we hear a squeak from the other side of my split double...then to door opened really quickly and slammed shut with a massive force.

I looked on the other side of the room and said, Josh? Are you there buddy? Like he was a sickly dog or something. He wasnt there.

Which only meant one thing, although he never admitted it to me...that he was there the whole time I was fucking my gf...




I actually have a second one:

I was 17 at the time. My gf had just spent the night over and this was only a month or 2 after I had lost my virginity.

So its the morning after she spent the night. My parents are up making breakfast and my gf and I are on the couch watching tv.

I guess this is where I should introduce my dog. He was still a puppy at the time and he had a thing for private parts. He always used to eat the crotches out of underwear that you left on the floor...stuff like that.

So anyway my parents have finished breakfast right now and they decide that they want to watch tv and sit on the couch beside where my gf and I are sitting.

My dog walks down the stairs all happy, walks into the room with me my gf and my parents there, with the condom I used the night before over his nose. His snout covered in the jizz kept moist by the lube in the condom.

Needless to say I was forced to clean up the dog, but I had to catch him first. So I ran around the room chasing the facialed dog for 5 minutes while my gf was in horror, my mom crying and my dad wanting to high five me.

Needless to say life was kinda weird for a bit there.

lol'd at the dad wanting to high five ya haha my dad woulda been the same way
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      11-09-2011, 01:49 PM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenVert View Post
Sophomore year of college my gf comes up to see me. Its been a couple weeks since weve seen eachother so we get going. Some time later we finish up.

Then we hear a squeak from the other side of my split double...then to door opened really quickly and slammed shut with a massive force.

I looked on the other side of the room and said, Josh? Are you there buddy? Like he was a sickly dog or something. He wasnt there.

Which only meant one thing, although he never admitted it to me...that he was there the whole time I was fucking my gf...




I actually have a second one:

I was 17 at the time. My gf had just spent the night over and this was only a month or 2 after I had lost my virginity.

So its the morning after she spent the night. My parents are up making breakfast and my gf and I are on the couch watching tv.

I guess this is where I should introduce my dog. He was still a puppy at the time and he had a thing for private parts. He always used to eat the crotches out of underwear that you left on the floor...stuff like that.

So anyway my parents have finished breakfast right now and they decide that they want to watch tv and sit on the couch beside where my gf and I are sitting.

My dog walks down the stairs all happy, walks into the room with me my gf and my parents there, with the condom I used the night before over his nose. His snout covered in the jizz kept moist by the lube in the condom.

Needless to say I was forced to clean up the dog, but I had to catch him first. So I ran around the room chasing the facialed dog for 5 minutes while my gf was in horror, my mom crying and my dad wanting to high five me.

Needless to say life was kinda weird for a bit there
.
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      11-09-2011, 07:03 PM   #47
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Ok I had just gotten divorced about 2 months before and had nothing for a while. So I'm on a business trip to meet with a potential new client, was a software suport gig after hours all remote, the holy grail of IT consulting, and I need the extra cash as I was getting bent over in a divorce. So I'm in the hotel bar, Holiday Inn Oakland Jack London Square. This lady walks in, kind of skanky looking, skinny but with huge fake tits, sits down, I'm cursuing at the TV, hockey games on I hate the Sharks. She starts talking to me and arguing about the Sharks, next thing you know we're upstairs and I'm abusing her in every way possible and she's talking like a damn whore wanting more. We finish she leaves. I'm thinking I'm a champ, go to sleep happy. Fast forward next morning, get up go to meeting, met with CIO everything goes fine but he says well one last thing you need to meet with the developmet director for her to approve the hiring since you'll report to her but he says she had a little accident this morning tripped and fell at home and has a big bruise on her face so don't be alarmed she walks in and it was her giant bruise like a slap. Talk about awkward silence, never did get that gig and never asked why.
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      11-09-2011, 07:20 PM   #48
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Christ that was one long sentence.^
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      11-09-2011, 07:30 PM   #49
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Wait... Bobble. Was it the skank from the bar? Am I the only one that is confused at this point?
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      11-09-2011, 07:43 PM   #50
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Wait... Bobble. Was it the skank from the bar? Am I the only one that is confused at this point?
no im pretty sure it was her.

But what didnt get answered is how did she get the bruise? Was it you?
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      11-09-2011, 10:18 PM   #51
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Holiday Inn Oakland Jack London
No wonder she looked sleezy, your at a Holiday Inn..........
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      11-10-2011, 04:41 AM   #52
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No wonder she looked sleezy, your at a Holiday Inn..........
We at the Hotel! Motel Holliday Inn!




Seriously guys, is it a hotel or a motel? Because I always thought it was an Inn. That song (is it a song?) just really confuses me.
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      11-10-2011, 08:29 AM   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenVert View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by vioaltec View Post
No wonder she looked sleezy, your at a Holiday Inn..........
We at the Hotel! Motel Holliday Inn!




Seriously guys, is it a hotel or a motel? Because I always thought it was an Inn. That song (is it a song?) just really confuses me.
Holiday Inn

More like motel in my opinion
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      11-10-2011, 01:16 PM   #54
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^ just by bolding that part, makes it sound diary.
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      11-10-2011, 01:16 PM   #55
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Dirty* stupid iPhone.
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      11-10-2011, 01:26 PM   #56
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1)my dad walked in on my gf and i banging... i have it on video, and him yelling saying "get the fuck out of the house!!" was very awkward at the time, now pretty funny.

2)ex girl and i were banging in an underground parking lot during lunch, someone called the police and 2 squad cars came rushing in >.> thankfully we were all finished (she was still in the back) but it was a spot we used many times and condoms were all over the place (yesyes i littered.. i was like 16 at the time lol) the officer said "sir r u telling me these condoms on the ground arnt yours?" i said of course not and when he asked for my license, i reached into the glove box and the pack of condoms fell out (same ones that were spread on the ground).. he also asked "why is ur gf sitting in the back of the car and u are in the front" i was nervous and said "shes not worthy to sit in the front".. followed by an awkward laugh :S... he was like "wtf... next time take this more private" and walked away...
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      11-10-2011, 01:34 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markham335i View Post
1)my dad walked in on my gf and i banging... i have it on video, and him yelling saying "get the fuck out of the house!!" was very awkward at the time, now pretty funny.

2)ex girl and i were banging in an underground parking lot during lunch, someone called the police and 2 squad cars came rushing in >.> thankfully we were all finished (she was still in the back) but it was a spot we used many times and condoms were all over the place (yesyes i littered.. i was like 16 at the time lol) the officer said "sir r u telling me these condoms on the ground arnt yours?" i said of course not and when he asked for my license, i reached into the glove box and the pack of condoms fell out (same ones that were spread on the ground).. he also asked "why is ur gf sitting in the back of the car and u are in the front" i was nervous and said "shes not worthy to sit in the front".. followed by an awkward laugh :S... he was like "wtf... next time take this more private" and walked away...

Like a BOSS.
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      11-10-2011, 11:10 PM   #58
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My awkward but awesome sex story...

1. Go to chicks house, I am liike whoa kinda..chubby but ok.

2. First deep throat attempt where she actally took it all

3. She......pulled out a glass cup

4. censored

5. censored

6. My first time using my censored to put it in the censored for some awesomeness, never use the normal holes anymore, lmao.

7. Woke up early enough so no one knew it was me leaving from fat girls house

8. Dream about this happening again

9. REPEATED for a weekly DRAIN ROFLMAO
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      11-12-2011, 03:39 AM   #59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donovan View Post
My awkward but awesome sex story...

1. Go to chicks house, I am liike whoa kinda..chubby but ok.

2. First deep throat attempt where she actally took it all

3. She......pulled out a glass cup

4. censored

5. censored

6. My first time using my censored to put it in the censored for some awesomeness, never use the normal holes anymore, lmao.

7. Woke up early enough so no one knew it was me leaving from fat girls house

8. Dream about this happening again

9. REPEATED for a weekly DRAIN ROFLMAO


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      11-12-2011, 10:00 AM   #60
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Read thru the pages ... why you might ask well it just made me smile and at times

So what's my story you might ask ... well reading your stories above made me think back all the way back to my first time ... let me put it this way ...

I was just about to park it like we push the garage door opener you know what I mean then just when the tip was about to enter the garage opening the exhaust exploded like never before ...

I then heard a soft whisper ... "is that all there is?"

no I said ... sorry wait 20 minutes and I'll try to park it again

I shall leave the rest to your imagination I'm sure some of you had simmilar first time parking experiences
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      11-12-2011, 10:08 AM   #61
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^there was way too many metaphors in that. lol

Summary: He just put the tip in and he blew his load, although I had originally read it as he let out a huge fart and then had to take a shit.

Weve all been there man, its cool.
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