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      05-04-2011, 11:29 AM   #1
PicassoM
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Who travels a lot or their spouse travels a lot?

So I travel for work a week at a time periodically within the US. Nothing big, every few months. However my girl has to travel to China and Europe almost every month alternating between the two. Creates a 7 or 12 hour time difference and shes gone 7-14 days at a time. We use skype when we can to keep in touch via video and try to talk everyday. It's really a pain in the ass sometimes. Makes a relationship challenging and sometimes I'm thinking wtf when she's gone longer than a week. It's her job, I love her so I deal with it.

We're talking about getting married and our future, but having a marriage when the other person is barely around isn't an ideal situation.


Just curious if anyone else deals with similar travel with their significant other and how you cope and put up with it? What you two do for each other to make it easier. Also have one of you gotten to the point where you changed jobs so you didn't have to travel as much.
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      05-04-2011, 12:12 PM   #2
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I'd proceed very very slowly. Not for lack of trust, just lack of knowing the person.

Having a relationship with a person is surprisingly easy when you get 'breaks' from them. Where challenges occur is when you see them 24/7 for months/years on end
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      05-04-2011, 12:12 PM   #3
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Key is communications, and having hobbies...

Before my wife and I got married we went to two different collages so we only saw each other about once a month and we dated for almost 7 yrs before getting married. We learn to communicate so little things did not turn into big things and be both had things to keep busy and out of trouble.

Then when my wife and I first got married she got a job which required her to travel mostly locally not a big deal since she was home most days and I traveled in the US mostly and a little outside the US. Then she had the opportunity to go to Japan for 6 months and live and she did it, and we fell back on what we did in college. After that Japan trip she got a job which required her to travel 70% of the time and it was all over the US and out side the US, she did this for 5 yrs before we had a kid. It was not that bad, we actually use it to do things we would not otherwise have done. A number of times she or I would meet each other in some city or place we never been together and make a weekend of it.

When she was in Japan I went over there for 10 days and visited and toured around. The best part of this the cost is less, it only cost me the plane fare and local transportation since she had housing and we did not have to pay for that.

The reason for the hobby is to keep you out of trouble checking out other people, When my wife was in Japan and traveling 70% of the time I restored a 66 Mustang at the time. I came home from work and worked on my car and never worried about the wife saying I spent more time with my car than her.

Last edited by Maestro; 05-05-2011 at 07:54 AM.
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      05-04-2011, 12:13 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freakazoid View Post
I'd proceed very very slowly. Not for lack of trust, just lack of knowing the person.

Having a relationship with a person is surprisingly easy when you get 'breaks' from them. Where challenges occur is when you see them 24/7 for months/years on end
This is true, the wife and I had more problem when she stopped traveling as much, we actually had to learn to live together all the time, but we had kids at that time so they add a whole other layer of issue to deal with.
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      05-04-2011, 12:41 PM   #5
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What the other guys said. You each need to have your "own" life so to speak (hobbies, friends, etc). Problems start when you are up each others rears 24x7; generally doesn't work.
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      05-04-2011, 01:19 PM   #6
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I've never been in a long distance relationship but I have a friend who's going off to the military and concerned about the distance/losing his gf. Anyone been through this kind of scenario or is it mostly similar to what's been discussed here? And how do you keep the closeness there when you're both so far apart?
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      05-04-2011, 01:21 PM   #7
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Send a message via AIM to O-cha
she's cheating on you.
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      05-04-2011, 01:23 PM   #8
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she's cheating on you.
ikr, everyone thinks that at some point or another.
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      05-04-2011, 01:24 PM   #9
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OP i just think you're being too needy. and if you can't just get on with it, then maybe you should find a relationship that will satisfy your needs more.
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      05-04-2011, 02:12 PM   #10
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If you trust her and shes not fucking around, than go for it. Stop being needy. You should have your own life, she should have her own life, and you should have a combined life as well. Having no life out side of "us" would make you both needy, reliant on each other, and annoying to everybody else.
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      05-04-2011, 03:46 PM   #11
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      05-04-2011, 04:32 PM   #12
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You are missing the real problem. If you two have kids she will be forced to stop working, and she probably won’t go back. Once you are addicted to two incomes it will be hard to cut back to one.
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      05-04-2011, 05:28 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freakazoid View Post
I'd proceed very very slowly. Not for lack of trust, just lack of knowing the person.

Having a relationship with a person is surprisingly easy when you get 'breaks' from them. Where challenges occur is when you see them 24/7 for months/years on end
Word.

I travel monthly for a week at a time.

When I am home for 3 weeks, I am ready to GTFO of town.

When I am out of town for a week, I am ready to go home.

I think it's awesome. I get a "break" here and there, get to go where I want to eat, see a movie I want to see, etc, etc.

Works for me........
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      05-04-2011, 07:01 PM   #14
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Quote:
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Word.

I travel monthly for a week at a time.

When I am home for 3 weeks, I am ready to GTFO of town.

When I am out of town for a week, I am ready to go home.

I think it's awesome. I get a "break" here and there, get to go where I want to eat, see a movie I want to see, etc, etc.

Works for me........
exactly, it's a wonderful thing....but it's not the way the world will necessarily work for you long term
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      05-04-2011, 08:53 PM   #15
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Thanks for the feedback, we both have our own lives. I have more hobbies than her, she just works a ton. She actually doesn't want to travel so much and is tired of going to China 2 months out of the year and wants to be home more. Since even when she's home shes always working.

We both came out of very serious relationships before we met so we're adjusting to the lifestyle changes. Not worried about cheating...

Eventually if it makes it to kids, the obvious answer is jobs may need adjusting. Thanks for the serious responses. If anything I'm just venting a little.

Back to OT lulz....
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      05-04-2011, 10:16 PM   #16
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Depends on many things, some people never get used to being alone and if the situation does not change it's a deal breaker for them.
LDRs are very difficult to pull off long term and from my point of view I won't attempt another one no matter how hot she is.
The thing that really sucks is when you are apart and some serious crap goes down(death in family etc), being apart at those times really blows.
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      05-04-2011, 11:43 PM   #17
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Quote:
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she's cheating on you.
That's a given. But, if that's not a problem.. go for it. Make rules, like when she can slob other knobs and stuff. Just have fun.
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      05-05-2011, 12:35 PM   #18
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Quote:
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exactly, it's a wonderful thing....but it's not the way the world will necessarily work for you long term
True. I have been traveling like this for about 8 years now.....the wife grumbles here and there, but that's nothing new.
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      05-05-2011, 01:02 PM   #19
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I travel 2 weeks out of the month, usually to south america or south africa. Skype is amazing! It's tough on the relationship, but it also gives people
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E!
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      05-05-2011, 06:22 PM   #20
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Travel for work, I'm 100-150 miles off shore in the Gulf of Mexico for 21 days, then I fly home for 21 days. Not many people can handle that lifestyle, there is a lot of trust involved and like some other people mentioned, you have to keep busy with hobbies.
I'm planning on changing careers like my girlfriend did a few years ago(she used to work in a similar job as I) so I can have my weekends off and live a more "normal life".

Bonuses, frequent flyer miles, pay and my time off are the only reasons I haven't quit.

We email daily, phones are limited and internet is very slow, not allowed to even use Skype or FB so we communicate by phone maybe once during the 3 weeks.

Also-I told myself I would buy one big present for myself before I walk away from the industry, either an E30 with an S52/S50, M3, M5 or 335D manual Touring when they make one....
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      05-05-2011, 11:22 PM   #21
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i really think that distance is a problem in a relationship...
i'm cursed in a way that every relationship of mine is long distance - -, and that's why i'm still single now i guess lol...

unless both of you love each other and trust each other over 100%, you or her will have a life one another doesn't know about , or will show your distrust at a point of time which will lead to a fight...

plus dont you want to see the one you love when you get home after a tiring day of work ?
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      05-06-2011, 12:22 AM   #22
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Quote:
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i really think that distance is a problem in a relationship...
i'm cursed in a way that every relationship of mine is long distance - -, and that's why i'm still single now i guess lol...

unless both of you love each other and trust each other over 100%, you or her will have a life one another doesn't know about , or will show your distrust at a point of time which will lead to a fight...

plus dont you want to see the one you love when you get home after a tiring day of work ?
Don't forget about the herp...
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