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      02-24-2007, 09:38 PM   #1
darkcloud
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Friend issue....

So tonight I realized I have an issue with my best friend that I can't tell if I'm being childish or have a legitimate reason to be upset.

A little background first. I've been dating my current gf for 2 years now and she'll prolly be my fiance soon. I consider my friend to be my best man at my wedding. My gf has some controlling issues(what women don't haha) with me going out without her, which were resolving. It's been a slow process but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. So needless to say I don't have many "guys night out". Well my friend just graduated from college, cuz he was a year and a half behind me due to other reasons but we are the same age. Now on to my problem.

Since he's been home my gf and I include him or at least try to for everything except invite only events. Almost all of my friends from college don't live in the area and a majority of them are guys from highschool that I wasn't friends with then but I am now. So I hangout a lot with my gf's friends which is fine because I have become friends with them over the past 2 years. Well my friend's cousin-in-law also graduated around the same time as him, so he's home as well. Recently I've realized that my friend either hangs out with us or his cousin. There's no blending of the 2 groups.

Like I'd call and say were going here tonight, wanna come? When I call him to see what's up he says, "Oh, I'm going out with my cousin, so I can't go out tonight". Like a week ago my gf's friends planned a weekend where they rented a house to go skiiing and I invited my friend and he came. The next week he was also going on a ski trip with his cousin and he never hinted at inviting me, which was fine originally. He led me to believe that it was just them 2 at first, then after talking some I found out some of his cousins friends were going, which was also fine cuz it was his cousins families house they were going to. Then he comes back and I talk to him and he then says his friend from school flew in as well, which then slightly bothered me.

I just feel like he chooses sides with friends and I understand that people need their seperation. By him doing so I almost feel like he's embarresed to bring me or any of our other friends around his cousin. The only time I ever see his cousin is if his cousin comes with him to hang out with us, never once the other way around.

So what do you guys and gals think? Am I right to have an issue with this situation or not?
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      02-24-2007, 09:45 PM   #2
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Oh to add, My gf and I are going to visit a friend of ours that moved to florida who is also a mutual friend of my friend. I talked to him about going and he said he doesn't think he can. Why? Well he went for a week to florida about 3 weeks ago with his cousin, then last week went on the week long ski trip with him as well. My gf and I are making a long weekend out of our trip to florida only taking of Friday, Monday and Tuesday. My friend currently has no job nor is he even looking for one since graduating. He says he doesn't want to go to florida because he doesn't want to take more time off. Off of fucking what? He's doing NOTHING, yet won't even consider going to see his good friend that he hasn't seen since he moved to florida a year and a half ago. This also aggrivates me.
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      02-24-2007, 09:50 PM   #3
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hes in midlife crisis foo... also u have a chick he dont!!! thats the main problem finding friends when your married that will accept your other half!!
he may have a problem with your girlfried but wont tell u i was what im thinking
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      02-24-2007, 09:51 PM   #4
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eh...I dont think its that big of a deal to be honest. Just let me him be. I think the only reason why it bothers u is because he is your "best friend". Therefore you think that he should include you in everything he does.

Before I got any further, Im not trying to offend you or anything like that. I am just simply stating my opinion.

THe saying "people change" is very true. Perhaps in your mind he's still the same and you guys are still best buds. Maybe you also think that since you guys are best friends, you guys should be more involved in each other's life. But maybe he doesnt have that same mind set you do. The thing with us guys is that we dont say things like "oh you're my best friend". It just kinda comes naturally. So again, maybe he just doesnt feel the same way?
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      02-24-2007, 09:53 PM   #5
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Been there, done that, sold the t-shirt

Upto you how to pursue, since a big part of it depends on your personality. Personally I've come to realize, when faced with similar situations, that many people in life will choose to hang out with you for certain events or as they see fit. Sometimes they'll just move on to other people. Different tastes perhaps. Also he may feel like it's a different crowd when he's with his cousin's friends, not so much out of embarrassment from you but just different behaviors between both groups.

I have a real good friend who has a separate group he hangs with that I don't mix with. I know the other group of people, but I don't enjoy hanging with them, different personalities, priorities, and mannerisms. So my friend knows not to invite me when he's chilling with them.

Having said that, you can choose to have an issue, or you can choose not to make an issue out of it and figure out if what I said applies to your situation and not feel bad about it. Meanwhile focus on the type of people you do enjoy being with and just keep the ties with your friend good.

My $0.02
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      02-24-2007, 09:57 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMWE90 View Post
eh...I dont think its that big of a deal to be honest. Just let me him be. I think the only reason why it bothers u is because he is your "best friend". Therefore you think that he should include you in everything he does.

Before I got any further, Im not trying to offend you or anything like that. I am just simply stating my opinion.

THe saying "people change" is very true. Perhaps in your mind he's still the same and you guys are still best buds. Maybe you also think that since you guys are best friends, you guys should be more involved in each other's life. But maybe he doesnt have that same mind set you do. The thing with us guys is that we dont say things like "oh you're my best friend". It just kinda comes naturally. So again, maybe he just doesnt feel the same way?
+1

Nicely put, partially what I was attempting to allude to in my post. Don't allow yourself to get too hung up on someone. I have a friend from HS who is really smart and nice, but for some reason he is working an average non-career oriented job and it baffles me. We're different in that aspect and it's a learning experience for me knowing that despite similarities in friends, I have my own goals and outlook on life.
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      02-24-2007, 09:57 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMWE90 View Post
eh...I dont think its that big of a deal to be honest. Just let me him be. I think the only reason why it bothers u is because he is your "best friend". Therefore you think that he should include you in everything he does.

Before I got any further, Im not trying to offend you or anything like that. I am just simply stating my opinion.

THe saying "people change" is very true. Perhaps in your mind he's still the same and you guys are still best buds. Maybe you also think that since you guys are best friends, you guys should be more involved in each other's life. But maybe he doesnt have that same mind set you do. The thing with us guys is that we dont say things like "oh you're my best friend". It just kinda comes naturally. So again, maybe he just doesnt feel the same way?
This is a possibility. I'm not saying just cuz he's my dude I feel entitled to be invited to everything he does. Were each others "dudes" or whatever you wanna call it. We have a lot of history and have been through a lot together. So I wouldn't say he doesn't feel the same way, but almost that he's private family wise, cuz he's cool with my gf and I hanging out with his buddies at school. The only person he's ever done this with is his cousin.
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      02-24-2007, 10:00 PM   #8
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I know his cousin, we've all hung out. We have a good time, and I've met some of his cousins friends and we've also had a good time. It's never really been this way until recently.
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      02-25-2007, 02:50 AM   #9
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nevermind friend issue resolved. thanks you all hahaha. were drunka haha
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      02-25-2007, 01:14 PM   #10
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Heh I don't even have anyone to consider worthy for a best man for my wedding when the time comes...everyone I used to hang out with used to be high school idiots and I barely have time between work and seeing my gf....how should I go about this?
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      02-26-2007, 08:41 AM   #11
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Heh I don't even have anyone to consider worthy for a best man for my wedding when the time comes...everyone I used to hang out with used to be high school idiots and I barely have time between work and seeing my gf....how should I go about this?
I am very sure your gf has some guy friends that she can persuade to be your best man...
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      02-26-2007, 08:56 AM   #12
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nevermind friend issue resolved. thanks you all hahaha. were drunka haha
That's beautiful... How alcohol can bring people together and solve problems.
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      02-26-2007, 02:35 PM   #13
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well now that everything is cool i think we need to see pics of your gf.
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      02-26-2007, 03:27 PM   #14
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well now that everything is cool i think we need to see pics of your gf.
haha check the pics in my garage. There is a pic of us after my brothers wedding.
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      02-26-2007, 03:32 PM   #15
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haha check the pics in my garage. There is a pic of us after my brothers wedding.

very nice.


on a side note i was born in Euclid and lived in Lake and Geauga county.
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      02-26-2007, 03:37 PM   #16
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on a side note i was born in Euclid and lived in Lake and Geauga county.
Cool, I just got home from Cleve. Hts. and Euclid serving losers their foreclosure papers. Gotta go to Geauga County Courts tomorrow in far away Chardon to file on some loser in Mantua. I love my job .
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      02-26-2007, 09:57 PM   #17
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Just how it is sometimes. Maybe he's gotten to a point where he realized he has to have his own life too. I'm sure he loves that you and your gf include him and try to include him in.

Trust me, from a guy who's single and all my friends are engaged or married, it means a lot to just get the offer.

I use to eat dinner with a group of friends every Friday. One set were married, the other engaged. That basically ended last October, no rhyme or reason why. I just carried on with my life realizing I needed to step myself out of that part of the circle and hang with my other friends more often.

It bothered me for a while. But I know it's for the better. I'm having a blast now making new friends and going out a lot more than I use to.

Your friend may just feel his cousin isn't really welcome, or just doesn't feel he is "cool enough" to bring around yall. People sometimes worry what they'll think of their relatives a lot of times. I 've felt the same with my cousin. But most of my friends like him. I just had issues before b/c he so much younger than me, but now he's 21 and he's grown up a lot and has a bigger social life than he did growing up in jr. high and high school.

Don't let it bother you, just question him why if it really bothers you. Sometimes people just move on and minimize the amount of time they talk to/spend with their long time friends. It's happening now and bothers me still, but I'm moving on myself and find it a bit refreshing to have a newer crew to hang with.
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      02-27-2007, 04:59 PM   #18
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Quote:
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I am very sure your gf has some guy friends that she can persuade to be your best man...
she's 20...I'm 24.
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