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      02-23-2007, 05:41 PM   #1
Hawkshaw
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Anyone lose a parent??

My best friend's mom will be dead from cancer before the weekend is out. I have no idea what to say to him when we talk. Anyone lose a parent / friend / relative to cancer who can provide me with words of inspiration or comfort for my friend?
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      02-23-2007, 05:56 PM   #2
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Ive had 3 friends in the past 2 years to lose parents to cancer and i myself have lost a grandpa whom i was very close too...thiers really nothing you can say man you just have to be thier for them and just let them vent, because thiers no way around cancer and nobody to blame for it it just happens...so best of luck to you bro
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      02-23-2007, 06:59 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkshaw View Post
My best friend's mom will be dead from cancer before the weekend is out. I have no idea what to say to him when we talk. Anyone lose a parent / friend / relative to cancer who can provide me with words of inspiration or comfort for my friend?
There are no words of comfort.

Just continue to be his friend.
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      02-23-2007, 07:11 PM   #4
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I lost my father at age 14 and now I am a physician and see death every day.

Let him know you are there for him, and give him time to grieve. Being his friend is all you need to do.
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      02-23-2007, 07:11 PM   #5
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ive lost my grandma to cancer.... and watched it take her away......its not easy...and theres nothing you can say to make it better....actually its hard to say and i felt this way about my grandmother....its better that shes gone and no longer suffering.....its twisted but true....your his friend (im guessing its a him)...just comfort him and let time takes its course
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      02-23-2007, 08:11 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkshaw View Post
My best friend's mom will be dead from cancer before the weekend is out. I have no idea what to say to him when we talk. Anyone lose a parent / friend / relative to cancer who can provide me with words of inspiration or comfort for my friend?
I lost my mom to brain cancer less than two years ago. A priest said that God allows this kind of suffering to bring a greater good out of it. That hit home for me because it told me her suffering had a purpose. Maybe that would help your friend. I'll pray for you all.
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      02-23-2007, 08:15 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by needforspeed View Post
There are no words of comfort.

Just continue to be his friend.
+1... just be there.
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      02-23-2007, 08:26 PM   #8
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I lost a 20 year old sister 12 years ago in a car accident. There is nothing to say really, except to be there when your friend wants to talk or cry. You can say "I'm so sorry", and then shut up, but that's about it.

God Bless, Hawkman!
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      02-24-2007, 12:01 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkshaw View Post
My best friend's mom will be dead from cancer before the weekend is out. I have no idea what to say to him when we talk. Anyone lose a parent / friend / relative to cancer who can provide me with words of inspiration or comfort for my friend?
My mom past in July from cancer. It was 6 days after my 23rd birthday .

Just be there from him. That held me up well. Having my friends be there for me was the best thing going. People I hadn't talked to in years showed up at her wake. It's still tough 8 months later.

Also, try not to bring the subject up, allow him to bring it up. I felt very uncomfortable when everyone wanted to talk to me about it. I got really touchy and wanted to tell people to leave me alone. If he's up for it try to go and say your own goodbye to his mom. That made me feel really good when my friends came by in the last days and just came in said hi and sat there for a little bit. His mom will prolly be really out of it and not talking anyhow so it's just being there that is key. My mom past on a Friday so that weekend sucked to say the least.
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      02-24-2007, 12:51 AM   #10
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My friends' (2 brothers) mother died from cancer 2 weeks before my brother had passed away in a car accident. I remember when they came back to school (unfortunately I hadn't found out until after the Shiva) it really comforted them that people came to the Shiva and that people were so glad to have them back, like a feeling of acceptance.

When my brother passed away 3 days before my 16th birthday (we buried him on my birthday), when my friends had came over for the Shiva (its like a week long thing were you pray every night for the person that had passed away so the soul has enough mitsvots to reach heaven) it was really comforting, as well as when they came over just randomly to stop by and check on me and bring me food. Although it was a tough time for my family and I, I don't know how but I was able to still laugh and I was really glad my friends could get me out of the moods I was in by getting me to laugh and stuff.

I would say the best advice is to just be there for him/her, be there friend, be yourself, if they need anything then help them out. =]
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      02-24-2007, 07:34 AM   #11
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hhey folks, never talked about stuff like this on the internet, but i suppose its easier since I dont know anyone..my father has CJD disease right now, its a rare disease that has no known cure yet and eveery case has been fatal, im 20 hes 52...weve seen him over months go from normal to not wlaking and full mentally and phsyically dependent on her, docs say he might have a month, we were fulyl dependent on him...dont nkow if anyone can say anyhting to help but i guess its nice ot hear the guestures and its also nice to get privacy about it sometimes
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      02-24-2007, 12:54 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by just4kickz View Post
+1... just be there.
+2 sorry to hear that bro.
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      02-24-2007, 02:49 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houston06 View Post
hhey folks, never talked about stuff like this on the internet, but i suppose its easier since I dont know anyone..my father has CJD disease right now, its a rare disease that has no known cure yet and eveery case has been fatal, im 20 hes 52...weve seen him over months go from normal to not wlaking and full mentally and phsyically dependent on her, docs say he might have a month, we were fulyl dependent on him...dont nkow if anyone can say anyhting to help but i guess its nice ot hear the guestures and its also nice to get privacy about it sometimes
I'm soo sorry bud. It was extremely hard loseing my Mom, and I don't even want to think of the day I may lose my Dad. Being my dad's only child when my mom past he was extremely affectionate of me, almost to the point that I was the one being the strong person. And everyone knows being the son you typically, but now always have a stronger bond with your dad then your mom. I was a mess when my mom went but I can't even begin to think what it would be like to lose my dad at our age(I'm 23).

My best advise is to spend as much time as you can with him. Even though I know you're just sitting in the same room not talking, but just turn on the tv and sit on the bed with him. It's what I did with my mom and it was the best. Why? cuz you'll be sitting there and out of no where he'll have a moment where he'll be fairly coherent and want to talk. It might only last a minute, but those few times help a lot. It lets you get in the last words knowing that he'll understand you'll be ok. Because that's all he really cares about, knowing that your mom, you and your siblings will be strong and take care of each other.

Life won't ever be the same, and you'll definately look at a lot of this differently from now on. But you'll also grow a lot, which is what life is about. These kind of experiences only make you stronger.

If you ever wanna talk PM me. I know I'm just a stranger but sometimes it helps talking to someone who actually knows what your feeling. I had a friend that lost his mom 2 years before mine and he was a lot of help.
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      02-24-2007, 03:48 PM   #14
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This is hard. It's the hardest hand of cards life can deal you and ask
you to "play" with. All the advice so far is excellent.

Losing someone close to you at any age is hard. I lost my dad when I
was 26. Don't know if the experience made me stronger but I certainly
made it through and I learned to live with the fact that he was gone (I
wasn't even there, was in another country studying and he was gone
in minutes with a heart attack - perhaps if I was there I could have
managed something but I'll never know). Also lost my grandma to
cancer when I was 15.

The important thing is that he needs to get through this somehow. And
how he does that will be in many ways different than anyone else in the
same situation. Just be there for him and let him know that too.

Last edited by shadowcoder; 02-24-2007 at 11:26 PM.
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      02-26-2007, 08:22 PM   #15
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UPDATE: My friends mom died about an hour and a half ago. Thanks for all the support and comments.
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      02-26-2007, 08:51 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkshaw View Post
UPDATE: My friends mom died about an hour and a half ago. Thanks for all the support and comments.
Sorry to hear that. Be there for him, that's key,
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      02-26-2007, 08:57 PM   #17
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lost my dad at 4years old and just lost his dad last year! i got my mom and my grandma left not much but i live with it!!!
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      02-26-2007, 09:11 PM   #18
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Our sympathies.
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      02-26-2007, 09:32 PM   #19
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There is simply nothing you can say. My dad died 6 years ago from brain cancer. He was diagnosed, and died three weeks later.

One thing many people try to do is compare it to something. I've noticed that many people on this board already compared it to losing a grandparent. No matter how close you were to your grandparents, it is simply not the same. All my grandparents were dead before my dad. The pain is different.

The best thing you can do is offer your ears and hugs. Tell your friend to call you anytime. Spend the night at your friends house to listen. There were so many people who said they would always be there for me, but ended up being caught up in their own lives. I did learn who my friends were.
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      02-26-2007, 09:38 PM   #20
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Several of my friends have. It's really tough. They've all seemed to really come out fine in the end. I know my dad lost his mom in his early 20's and they were really close.

Just be a friend and lend your heart and ears. That's all you have to do. If he just wants to chat and ends up crying in your shoulder let the tears pour. You're a good friend for wondering what to do.
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      02-26-2007, 10:20 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawkshaw View Post
UPDATE: My friends mom died about an hour and a half ago. Thanks for all the support and comments.
My sympathy to you and your friend. Make yourself available to him and listen. Your friend will need you and from what I know of you, he is very fortunate to have you by his side as a friend. I think that loosing your mom has to be one of the hardest thing to go through in life.
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      02-26-2007, 10:23 PM   #22
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There is simply nothing you can say. My dad died 6 years ago from brain cancer. He was diagnosed, and died three weeks later.

One thing many people try to do is compare it to something. I've noticed that many people on this board already compared it to losing a grandparent. No matter how close you were to your grandparents, it is simply not the same. All my grandparents were dead before my dad. The pain is different.

The best thing you can do is offer your ears and hugs. Tell your friend to call you anytime. Spend the night at your friends house to listen. There were so many people who said they would always be there for me, but ended up being caught up in their own lives. I did learn who my friends were.
best advice....
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