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      01-30-2010, 06:11 PM   #1
lopealle
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get over it?

hey BM heads i need some advice. Ok so my family is having a family reunion and i got invited. good stuff right? but im not really into my family due to the past. here's the story as a child i was abused physically and emotionally and that stuff. so when i turned 16 i was thrown in juvenile for domestic violence. didnt do anything so i got off free. so went and stayed with my cousins all was good went to school all that. so i think i was in 11th grade and i moved in with my aunt because my cousin moved to maryland. so anyways living there asked me to pay rent no problem $200 a month which a lot for 11th grade so i had to wrk quite a bit. moving on senior year. so you 12th grade is a big year prom what not. so i owed my aunt the $200 but i was short because the place i worked at cut hours. so anyways graduation came was really horrible nobody came to see me walk the stage except my manager from work. so i get home and the locks are changed and all my stuff is on the back patio. so at that point i was homeless. i lived in a shelter for some months and then joined the army. so anyways this was 6 years ago. am i being mean for still holding a grudge and not accepting calls or should i get over it? i mean it was a pretty depressing stage in my life. tell me what you guys think?
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      01-30-2010, 06:21 PM   #2
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wow, tough hand you got dealt there. glad you prospered through it.

my knee-jerk reaction is fuck em. they've snubbed you your entire life and you're making it on your own, and have made a name for yourself, without them. but then there's the fact that they're your real family. they're irreplaceable, even though it sounds like you couldn't give a shit if it came down to it. you could always go and if things get ugly, unload some truth on them.
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      01-30-2010, 07:29 PM   #3
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yea i was thinkin about doing that anyway. unloading some words for them. but then i was like well i dont wanna ruin it for everybody. but the money that was owed i did pay it back double with a nice note. and they cashed the check so they cant see they never got it
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      01-30-2010, 08:11 PM   #4
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Goodness gracious, your own family changed the locks on you because you were late $200 and made you homeless. That's cold man. I would not blame you for not caring at all for them.
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      01-30-2010, 08:23 PM   #5
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Unless they came forth and apologized - fuck em. Don't grace them with your presence.
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      01-30-2010, 08:24 PM   #6
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You clearly don't need them; You are a survivor. Live your life without them. Learn form them and treat your kids with love and respect.
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      01-30-2010, 08:25 PM   #7
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I can relate, but my situation is not as bad as yours.....Fortunately.

In the beginning, I would feel like avoiding my family and not having anything to do with them anymore....But at the end, they are my family.

And it just eats you up inside because you keep thinking of the negative aspect.

If I were you, I would forgive and forget. Remember, staying positive will make it easier on your mind.

At the end, try your level best in approaching your family and opening up with them about the past, especially since it bothers you so much. Maybe it still bothers them too, and the only way to make it easier on both sides is to open up and talk about it.

Good luck man.
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      01-30-2010, 08:29 PM   #8
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sorry to hear, but even better you've gotten your stuff together

my reaction would also be to screw them
my defn of family would exclude them, so no need to associate with them...

good luck man
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      01-30-2010, 09:06 PM   #9
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go, but fashionably late. Dress up like Rambo with a painball gun, crank up the FPS, and light the place up. Go until the bullets run out and say "fuck yo couch" light up a cig take a deep drag then leave.
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      01-30-2010, 09:29 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blake View Post
wow, tough hand you got dealt there. glad you prospered through it.

my knee-jerk reaction is fuck em. they've snubbed you your entire life and you're making it on your own, and have made a name for yourself, without them. but then there's the fact that they're your real family. they're irreplaceable, even though it sounds like you couldn't give a shit if it came down to it. you could always go and if things get ugly, unload some truth on them.

This summarizes what I was about to say. What a sad situation you told, bro.
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      01-30-2010, 10:02 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by samwoo2go View Post
go, but fashionably late. Dress up like Rambo with a painball gun, crank up the FPS, and light the place up. Go until the bullets run out and say "fuck yo couch" light up a cig take a deep drag then leave.
thats an awesome idea. i think i might do that
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      01-30-2010, 11:20 PM   #12
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Quote:
my knee-jerk reaction is fuck em.
+1. They're not calling you for "you" they're calling you so they can feel ok about themselves. You started a new life, served your country, and made something of yourself. You don't need that family. You've got your friends and your brotherhood from the army. Move on and don't look back IMO, especially not so the family that treated you like crap can feel better about themselves.
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      01-31-2010, 03:59 AM   #13
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Damn, man. Sorry to hear that you went through such shit.

People, who say you should forgive and forget have a point. They are your family after all.

But love and caring goes both ways. They obviously don't care about you. But at the same time they are your family.

This is my recommendation:

Go to it. But make sure you go and arrive a bit late with symbols of your success visible. Don't over do it.

Be pleasant. But make sure you stay aloof. You are better than them.

Finally: If I were you. I would make a toast. And toast everyone who screwed you (in a pleasant way). Thank my aunt for throwing you out of the house at 18 because you couldn't get together $200 in rent. Thank your parents for emotionally and physically abusing you. And finally, let them know that thanks to their messed up ways, you have ended up being stronger and a better human being. Drink your drink. And leave.

All the while, you need to be pleasant about everything. And the kicker would be if you have turned out to be more successful than them.

Stay cool dude. No point getting nasty. Your pleasant demeanor can be a bigger slap in their face, if done right.
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      02-01-2010, 12:20 PM   #14
lopealle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pmeloche View Post
Goodness gracious, your own family changed the locks on you because you were late $200 and made you homeless. That's cold man. I would not blame you for not caring at all for them.
yea dude when i would take leave (military vacation for you none military folks) i would go home of course not home home biut you get the idea and drive right by there houses. hang out with my friends and my cousins but never visit anybody. i had felt like i was betrayed dude. like you know people dont just put people. i know somebody had to know it was gonna happen.


Quote:
Originally Posted by stimpy View Post
Unless they came forth and apologized - fuck em. Don't grace them with your presence.
thats how i am

Quote:
Originally Posted by chungdae View Post
You clearly don't need them; You are a survivor. Live your life without them. Learn form them and treat your kids with love and respect.
dude im a survivor on so many levels. homeless,iraq bush administration lol


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nawaaz View Post
I can relate, but my situation is not as bad as yours.....Fortunately.

In the beginning, I would feel like avoiding my family and not having anything to do with them anymore....But at the end, they are my family.

And it just eats you up inside because you keep thinking of the negative aspect.

If I were you, I would forgive and forget. Remember, staying positive will make it easier on your mind.

At the end, try your level best in approaching your family and opening up with them about the past, especially since it bothers you so much. Maybe it still bothers them too, and the only way to make it easier on both sides is to open up and talk about it.

Good luck man.
you know i thought about bringing it up but they act like nothin happen. they said man we thougght you died.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wwjbd24 View Post
sorry to hear, but even better you've gotten your stuff together

my reaction would also be to screw them
my defn of family would exclude them, so no need to associate with them...

good luck man
yea thank god you didnt have to go through it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenPlease View Post
+1. They're not calling you for "you" they're calling you so they can feel ok about themselves. You started a new life, served your country, and made something of yourself. You don't need that family. You've got your friends and your brotherhood from the army. Move on and don't look back IMO, especially not so the family that treated you like crap can feel better about themselves.

yea but now i have a kid and one on the way and i want them to know their relatives even if they are evil.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zetaxi165 View Post
Damn, man. Sorry to hear that you went through such shit.

People, who say you should forgive and forget have a point. They are your family after all.

But love and caring goes both ways. They obviously don't care about you. But at the same time they are your family.

This is my recommendation:

Go to it. But make sure you go and arrive a bit late with symbols of your success visible. Don't over do it.

Be pleasant. But make sure you stay aloof. You are better than them.

Finally: If I were you. I would make a toast. And toast everyone who screwed you (in a pleasant way). Thank my aunt for throwing you out of the house at 18 because you couldn't get together $200 in rent. Thank your parents for emotionally and physically abusing you. And finally, let them know that thanks to their messed up ways, you have ended up being stronger and a better human being. Drink your drink. And leave.

All the while, you need to be pleasant about everything. And the kicker would be if you have turned out to be more successful than them.

Stay cool dude. No point getting nasty. Your pleasant demeanor can be a bigger slap in their face, if done right.

thats an awesome idea. they would all be like wtf
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      02-01-2010, 01:17 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zetaxi165 View Post
Damn, man. Sorry to hear that you went through such shit.

People, who say you should forgive and forget have a point. They are your family after all.

But love and caring goes both ways. They obviously don't care about you. But at the same time they are your family.

This is my recommendation:

Go to it. But make sure you go and arrive a bit late with symbols of your success visible. Don't over do it.

Be pleasant. But make sure you stay aloof. You are better than them.

Finally: If I were you. I would make a toast. And toast everyone who screwed you (in a pleasant way). Thank my aunt for throwing you out of the house at 18 because you couldn't get together $200 in rent. Thank your parents for emotionally and physically abusing you. And finally, let them know that thanks to their messed up ways, you have ended up being stronger and a better human being. Drink your drink. And leave.

All the while, you need to be pleasant about everything. And the kicker would be if you have turned out to be more successful than them.

Stay cool dude. No point getting nasty. Your pleasant demeanor can be a bigger slap in their face, if done right.
+1 this would be similar to what I would do.

OP, your family does not deserve your forgiveness. They are just doing this to make themself feel better. You say you want to make ammends so your child will have "relatives" to know, but do you truely want your child to know and trust these people? I've had some bad burns with family and even on speakable terms, I would not trust them. I wouldn't want my children to have the wrong impression and be burned by them in the future too. Would your "relatives" hesitate to burn your family?
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      02-01-2010, 01:20 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zetaxi165 View Post
Damn, man. Sorry to hear that you went through such shit.

People, who say you should forgive and forget have a point. They are your family after all.

But love and caring goes both ways. They obviously don't care about you. But at the same time they are your family.

This is my recommendation:

Go to it. But make sure you go and arrive a bit late with symbols of your success visible. Don't over do it.

Be pleasant. But make sure you stay aloof. You are better than them.

Finally: If I were you. I would make a toast. And toast everyone who screwed you (in a pleasant way). Thank my aunt for throwing you out of the house at 18 because you couldn't get together $200 in rent. Thank your parents for emotionally and physically abusing you. And finally, let them know that thanks to their messed up ways, you have ended up being stronger and a better human being. Drink your drink. And leave.

All the while, you need to be pleasant about everything. And the kicker would be if you have turned out to be more successful than them.

Stay cool dude. No point getting nasty. Your pleasant demeanor can be a bigger slap in their face, if done right.
+3.8trillion. That's a seriously awesome idea.
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      02-01-2010, 01:24 PM   #17
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Fuck that!!!! I get over shit quick, but not for something like that! Glad you pulled through tho man!
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      02-01-2010, 01:27 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zetaxi165 View Post
Damn, man. Sorry to hear that you went through such shit.

People, who say you should forgive and forget have a point. They are your family after all.

But love and caring goes both ways. They obviously don't care about you. But at the same time they are your family.

This is my recommendation:

Go to it. But make sure you go and arrive a bit late with symbols of your success visible. Don't over do it.

Be pleasant. But make sure you stay aloof. You are better than them.

Finally: If I were you. I would make a toast. And toast everyone who screwed you (in a pleasant way). Thank my aunt for throwing you out of the house at 18 because you couldn't get together $200 in rent. Thank your parents for emotionally and physically abusing you. And finally, let them know that thanks to their messed up ways, you have ended up being stronger and a better human being. Drink your drink. And leave.

All the while, you need to be pleasant about everything. And the kicker would be if you have turned out to be more successful than them.

Stay cool dude. No point getting nasty. Your pleasant demeanor can be a bigger slap in their face, if done right.
Never mind what I said, do this!!!!
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      02-01-2010, 01:44 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zetaxi165 View Post
Damn, man. Sorry to hear that you went through such shit.

People, who say you should forgive and forget have a point. They are your family after all.

But love and caring goes both ways. They obviously don't care about you. But at the same time they are your family.

This is my recommendation:

Go to it. But make sure you go and arrive a bit late with symbols of your success visible. Don't over do it.

Be pleasant. But make sure you stay aloof. You are better than them.

Finally: If I were you. I would make a toast. And toast everyone who screwed you (in a pleasant way). Thank my aunt for throwing you out of the house at 18 because you couldn't get together $200 in rent. Thank your parents for emotionally and physically abusing you. And finally, let them know that thanks to their messed up ways, you have ended up being stronger and a better human being. Drink your drink. And leave.

All the while, you need to be pleasant about everything. And the kicker would be if you have turned out to be more successful than them.

Stay cool dude. No point getting nasty. Your pleasant demeanor can be a bigger slap in their face, if done right.
My mom went through a similar experience as a young kid moving over to the states from Japan. She pretty much did what zetaxi165 suggested and it was a huge success and slap into the face for her sisters..

Good luck it whatever choice you make in this situation..
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      02-01-2010, 07:05 PM   #20
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If you have some cousins you get along with then it might be worth going. But I think the people that abandoned you don't deserve to be your family. That's about the lowest somebody could go and if somebody is like that they're probably not going to change.
You could give them the benefit of the doubt and you'd be a better man than I.
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      02-01-2010, 07:47 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blake View Post
wow, tough hand you got dealt there. glad you prospered through it.

my knee-jerk reaction is fuck em. they've snubbed you your entire life and you're making it on your own, and have made a name for yourself, without them. but then there's the fact that they're your real family. they're irreplaceable, even though it sounds like you couldn't give a shit if it came down to it. you could always go and if things get ugly, unload some truth on them.
+2
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      02-01-2010, 08:45 PM   #22
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yea but now i have a kid and one on the way and i want them to know their relatives even if they are evil.
Trust me, if your relatives are evil, your kids are better off NOT knowing them.
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