What is your most awkward sex story?

[Tondtar]

This thread on Reddit is full of WIN! :

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co...ard_sex_story/

Let's continue it here ...Shall we?

[BTM]

Virgin walking in on me slamming this chick against the fridge in Mexico

[BMWinNorthdakota]

I put my business in a girl very swiftly (And forcefully) and noticed it was incredibly tight... She immediately let out a painful moan and ran out of the room into the bathroom.


I accidentally PIITB.... oops

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by BTM

Virgin walking in on me slamming this chick against the fridge in Mexico

Details, please, Brian .....With photos, sketches and shit.

You can add a tl;dr version at the end.

[BTM]

Originally Posted by Tondtar

Details, please, Brian .....With photos, sketches and shit.

You can add a tl;dr version at the end.

From the sluts thread

Originally Posted by BTM

Mexico. Me and one other guy (my roommate) were there with a decent amount of the girls lax team and some of their acquaintances. Not all smoking hot, but in good shape, and all solid 7-8s. Drinking all day somehow everyone started getting naked on the patio/deck area of the one girls house, which was beach front so that was cool too. Closest to an orgy I've ever been in. 1 chick I had been banging starts giving me a sucker and then her friend with the same name weirdly enough and huge tits came over and they both slobbed it for a while. I look over and my roommate is getting ridden while eating out another girl. That girl gets off while he bangs the other one and starts licking the girl's pussy who's giving me dome. I finally get the original chick and bend her over and slam her up against the fridge inside (we moved in there since neighbors were watching, understandable). The other chicks who are less slutty are just kinda hanging out suck each others tits and shit.

[chungdae]

After I broke up with an ex I met this new girl. Hit it off pretty good and next thing you know she's in my bed with me between her legs. My tongue is going faster than a weed wacker on steroids operated by a auctioneer and soon enough she cums and spasms all over the place. Decided to keep going and the second time cums she spasms again, violently. So violently she kicked me in the face and gave me a bloody nose. Left the room, came back, and started doing the forbidden mambo; with a cotton swab in my nose.

TLDR: Girl kicked me in the face. Bloody nose ensues. Still finished with cotton swab in nose. Like a boss.

[WWONG]

This one time, I had sex for the sole purpose of procreation. AWKWARD.

[NYCGP]

69ing ex in her parents house at like 4 am shit faced drunk. Her room was connected to her sisters by a shared bathroom. Girlfriends ass is pointed directly at the door. I hear the light come on and the door creak open. I put my head back and try my best to look behind me. I lock her sister eye to eye for (what felt like) a solid 5 seconds... Gf didn't know what happened until I whispered to her at the table during breakfast. Her sister never spoke of it once in over 3 years...

[Alpine Whiteboy]

This one time, in band camp....

[SchnellM3]

Just read through most of the page there and picked out some that got me laughing

Trying to be romantic....I decided to dip my dick in champagne.

Alright, so, my awkward sex story. My girlfriend and I were going at it. It was probably the third time for both of us, and I feel the condom come off inside of her. (Goddamn lube on the inside. That and she's tighter than my wallet.) I pull out, and go to retrieve the condom, which was hanging out of her. It was like I pulled a plug out of a pressurized whoopie cushion. The queef that came forth from that eldritch axe wound sounded like she had cleaned out a motherfucking Mexican buffet and then ate an entire wicker swingset. (And I know she didn't fart because it was doggy and I had a full view of the plumbing. I saw her labia flap.)

I laughed until I cried.

We're getting married in September.

One time I was hooking up with my now ex girlfriend, as things were getting kind of hot and heavy during foreplay she yells out "MUPPETS IN SPACE!" I couldn't do anything but laugh and she was a little bit embarrassed. to this day I still have no fucking idea what was going through her head at that moment

h, God... Here goes... I promise I'll make it quick.

In the early 2000s I lived in Chicago w/ a fling of a girlfriend that just happened to have a thing for facials... So, one night I finished her off, she went to the bathroom to "clean up" and then came to bed. The next morning we wake up and get surprised that her Father made breakfast. As I sat down, because she offered to bring me a plate, she went up, stood next to her Father, and started shoveling the food. Her Father, w/out pausing, glanced at her, licked his thumb and said, "Hun... You have something on your face." He then proceeded to wipe his thumb on something on her face. Two and two didn't click at this point and being a Daddy's girl she didn't flinch away. He proceeded to RE-LICK his thumb and continue to rub "the crusties" away. Her jaw dropped, she went silent, and then ran off down the hall to the bathroom.

I couldn't stop laughing. I seriously almost pissed myself.

Worst sex I ever had: We were pressed for time, the room was too hot, she had a rash she couldn't stop itching, and I had a horrible leg cramp. We were stubborn and horny, so we kept going. In an awkward missionary off-the-bed kind of way, I eventually reached an orgasm, pulling out quickly when I did (she was on the pill, but I was always paranoid).

Wouldn't you know it, it all came out in one. fucking. glob.

And it flew like a god damned seagull.

Right up, past her stomach, past her chest.

Into her nose.

All of it.


-Oh dear god. Nose-hunting-cum-seagulls. New sex-fear, right there.


-man that was a great description right there. Like a god damned seagull. Beautiful.

tl:dr I lost my virginity wearing a gas mask while a homeless man pleasured himself.

[mentos876]

Ok, last thursday, me and a female im seein once in a while we decided to stop by motel for a little action. The closest one on our way was called "Relax" so we decided to give it a shot. She was waiting in the care while i went to get a room. Old Hindu guy charged me 40$ for one hour !!!!!!!!!. I was like wow , its probably bad ass....
...well ... im opening the door and what i see? black light instead of regular light bulbs , hardcore german porno i the tivo, and weird sex paintings on the wall, we both exploded with hardcore laughing lol.

we turned everything off and it was actually not bad hah

[yakev724]

Originally Posted by Jessica1988

I'm new here...........

nice try

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by Jessica1988

I'm new here...........

Hai

[Brey335i]

Originally Posted by Jessica1988

I'm new here...........

You must be new here...

[vioaltec]

Having a mouth full of cum and having to sneez.....i looked like a dog foaming at the mouth lol

[Alpine Whiteboy]

Banged my ex raw, decided to pull out and spray her chest and stomach and basically anywhere it reached, made a huge mess, then realized there wasn't any tissue to clean up, so she grabs her little knitted winter hat and soaks it all up... Few days later her mom comes into the living room with the hat and says "here honey I washed your hat for you, found it on the floor filthy" and threw the hat next to us on the couch. We just stared at each other and once the mom left, we laughed our asses off. Then I told my ex that I basically came in her moms hands, then she slapped me (jokingly)...

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by Jessica1988

I'm new here...........

No, you're not.

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by coldasicex5

One of my ex's could not open her mouth all the way to suck a dick. So I punched out the bitches teeth. Getting head never felt better.

That felt a bit forced Jerry...

[Draven]

My only one night stand was a blackout drunk affair at a college about 5 years ago. I went to visit a friend, and she lived in these town houses. It was basically their alumni weekend (even thought I didn't go there). I had been chatting up this hotty, and she and I started doing shots together. I black out, and basically come to in her room with her in the bed too but being ridden by her ugly and slightly overweight roommate.

I looked up at her and said "Yeah, you gatta go Tubs". She slapped me, FINISHED, and left the room. I ended up getting busy with the hotty I had been hitting on, so that made it better.

[Uber V8]

One time this real athletic bitch fucked me.

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by FwdFtl

One time this real athletic bitch fucked me.

Freshman year in college.. First month of school. I had the same thing happen to me. She was a Senior. She was a skinny good looking chick that ran track and was solid as a rock. I was brought to an off campus party and was literally handed to her. I still remember walking home from their place... Bitch tore the buttons from my shirt. I had to walk home looking like I was a victim of a sexual assault.... because I was.

[Comet]

Originally Posted by FwdFtl

One time this real athletic bitch fucked me.

like... with a strap on?