Racist In-Laws

[SonnyJack]

Originally Posted by lopealle

Yeah it's becaue i'm black. My brother-in-law has already told me.

Sounds like you're cool with your brother-in-law at least. Am I reading this correctly? So is your mother-in-law the only problem or your father-in-law also? She think you're a gang-banger or some other stereotype?

Bottom line is she's coming to YOUR house. You pay the bills, you make the rules. If mother-in-law can't overcome her issues then calmly tell your wife that this is her last visit.

My wife is white, and a Texan, and I also had some issues with my mother-in-law in the beginning. Lots of dagger stares and such. After 21 yrs and three kids we're cool now because she knows I love her daughter and that I take good care of her daughter and her three grandchildren.

How long have you been married and how old are your kids? I ask because at some point if things don't improve your kid(s) will get old enough to notice the tension.

[brocken]

What radix said.

As long as your MIL doesn't have an impact on your relationship with your kids or your wife I would let it roll off.

I typically tell people what I think but with my MIL I just keep things to myself. It's not worth the confrontation for how little time I spend with her.
Give it long enough and she'll either start to like you or just won't give a crap anymore.

[BTM]

Originally Posted by NYCGarbagePrince

If you don't do this^^^^^^^^ You are only going to make your relationship more difficult. Swallow your pride. It's just not worth it. Love your wife and your child.

Originally Posted by UltimateBMW

+1 for Radix.

Consider this visit as an audit. You should be 100% business as usual. No incidents, no confrontations. Let her just be in and out, as it were.

Originally Posted by brocken

What radix said.

LOL so what I said in the first reply, just more verbose

[Freakazoid]

Originally Posted by BTM

LOL so what I said in the first reply, just more verbose

that's all the forums care about is the verbosity of your reply c'mon now!

[immiketoo]

Hey, if you can avoid it, great. I am not wired that way, and I have a passion for getting to the truth of the matter. But that's me. I just can't stand existing with people when there are unresolved issues. The more I repress, the worse the blowout is when I finally tell them off. You gotta pick what's right for you, but it appears you are in for the long haul.

[infinitekidM2C]

Mothers in law..it will always be something, u dont make enough money, no kids yet, your past is not clean enough, you're black, you're not black..etc. etc.

Anyways if she is a racist that's her personal choice..as long as your wife isn't lol...if she starts giving u shiz or calls u an n'er that's when you confront the issue...otherwise who cares..calling mexicans "beaners" isn't very nice lol

[radix]

Originally Posted by BTM

LOL so what I said in the first reply, just more verbose

Sorry, I didn't even read the thread, only the OP. Anyhow, it doesn't surprise me that we had the same opinion on the matter.

[radix]

Originally Posted by immiketoo

Hey, if you can avoid it, great. I am not wired that way, and I have a passion for getting to the truth of the matter. But that's me. I just can't stand existing with people when there are unresolved issues. The more I repress, the worse the blowout is when I finally tell them off. You gotta pick what's right for you, but it appears you are in for the long haul.

I understand where you are coming from, but he already knows she's a racist, and confronting her probably won't change that, thus it's likely the issue wouldn't be resolved anyhow, and more tension might be created.

[immiketoo]

Radix, you're probably right, and this nagging personality trait has caused me trouble over the years. Sometimes I need to STFU, but I'm kinda like Marty McFly and "chicken?" I just hate having shit out there unresolved. At least once it's out there, he wont have to walk on eggshells. I figure why not try it once for the "hey baby, I tried" routine and then let it lie.

[infinitekidM2C]

She's an old ignorant lady...let her die in peace.

[brocken]

The other side of letting your MIL have it is that won't win you any points with your wife. Even if you're right and wifey agrees with you it's a lose, lose situation.

[chungdae]

I feel the OP. I'm Korean and I've been dating my girlfriend for 2.5 years. We have a very nice condo, take care of her like royalty, and live an above average life. Her father HATES me and has never met me. He's a Cuban supremacist and anyone that is NOT Cuban is below him, yet he comes to my house, drinks my beer, and lounges on my sofa with his wife. My girlfriend's mom (his wife), loves me, adores me, and talks about me VERY highly to him. He simply ignores it and acts as if I do not exist.

I plan on proposing to my girlfriend possibly at the end of this year when I take her to NY for new years. My girlfriend's parents own a furniture empire in South America and slowly began operating in the Unites States. I've been debating if I should go to their office, ask for his presence, and meet him personally. "I've been dating your daughter for over 2 years and plan on proposing to her on New Years. I am NOT asking for your permission, but to let YOU know I will be marrying her. It was nice to finally meet you. Have a nice day." Is what I planned on saying.

When it comes down to it racism still exists and it's sad that people can not get over the fact that the only thing that stands between uniting us is the culture we were raised in and ultimately the color of our skin. Perhaps one day we can call each other brothers, but then again, ignorance is bliss.

[OC Guy]

Can't argue ignorance.

[lopealle]

Originally Posted by SonnyJack

Sounds like you're cool with your brother-in-law at least. Am I reading this correctly? So is your mother-in-law the only problem or your father-in-law also? She think you're a gang-banger or some other stereotype?

Bottom line is she's coming to YOUR house. You pay the bills, you make the rules. If mother-in-law can't overcome her issues then calmly tell your wife that this is her last visit.

My wife is white, and a Texan, and I also had some issues with my mother-in-law in the beginning. Lots of dagger stares and such. After 21 yrs and three kids we're cool now because she knows I love her daughter and that I take good care of her daughter and her three grandchildren.

How long have you been married and how old are your kids? I ask because at some point if things don't improve your kid(s) will get old enough to notice the tension.

I wasn't always cool with the brother -in-law. I have 2 of them and they are both really child-ish. At first they didn't like me because they thought I was a show off (only because I drive a BMW.) Now I think they have realizrd that i'm not that type of person. I am pretty humble. Atleast I think I am.

The MIL knowa i'm not that type of person at all. I think it's the whole I took her child and she wants to keep her close to home. It's weird she didn't start really hating me until memorial day this year.

I definitely let the wife know that if she says anything out of line her shit is outside and she better find a way to a hotel.

We have been married 2 years and we have a 2y/o and a 2 week old.

Originally Posted by immiketoo

Hey, if you can avoid it, great. I am not wired that way, and I have a passion for getting to the truth of the matter. But that's me. I just can't stand existing with people when there are unresolved issues. The more I repress, the worse the blowout is when I finally tell them off. You gotta pick what's right for you, but it appears you are in for the long haul.

Mike you can say that we are the same.

Originally Posted by infinitekid2002

Mothers in law..it will always be something, u dont make enough money, no kids yet, your past is not clean enough, you're black, you're not black..etc. etc.

Anyways if she is a racist that's her personal choice..as long as your wife isn't lol...if she starts giving u shiz or calls u an n'er that's when you confront the issue...otherwise who cares..calling mexicans "beaners" isn't very nice lol

I don't know why it's like that with MILs

Originally Posted by infinitekid2002

She's an old ignorant lady...let her die in peace.

Shit let me live in peace.

Originally Posted by chungdae

I feel the OP. I'm Korean and I've been dating my girlfriend for 2.5 years. We have a very nice condo, take care of her like royalty, and live an above average life. Her father HATES me and has never met me. He's a Cuban supremacist and anyone that is NOT Cuban is below him, yet he comes to my house, drinks my beer, and lounges on my sofa with his wife. My girlfriend's mom (his wife), loves me, adores me, and talks about me VERY highly to him. He simply ignores it and acts as if I do not exist.

I plan on proposing to my girlfriend possibly at the end of this year when I take her to NY for new years. My girlfriend's parents own a furniture empire in South America and slowly began operating in the Unites States. I've been debating if I should go to their office, ask for his presence, and meet him personally. "I've been dating your daughter for over 2 years and plan on proposing to her on New Years. I am NOT asking for your permission, but to let YOU know I will be marrying her. It was nice to finally meet you. Have a nice day." Is what I planned on saying.

When it comes down to it racism still exists and it's sad that people can not get over the fact that the only thing that stands between uniting us is the culture we were raised in and ultimately the color of our skin. Perhaps one day we can call each other brothers, but then again, ignorance is bliss.

It was almost the same as it is for you. The MIL would come while i'm deployed run up my bills and eat all the food. Then she would haul ass before I get back. While she would be there all she would do is criticize about everything in our apartment. Mind you she stays in a shack literally. Now i'm not ine to judge but if your to lazy to get a job so you can live a more comfortable life don't come to my house criticizing because things are better than call us snobs. That's what it is like rverytime she visits. Atleast thats what my wife says.

Originally Posted by OC 335i

Can't argue ignorance.

Can't avoid it either.




Sometimes I feel like they are jealous. The stuff Some the in-laws talk about is very petty. Things that wouldn't be a big deal to everybody else is major to them.

i.e.:

Cars (BMW and Mustang
Tvs (I only have 2. 42' and 27' tube)
Computer (desktop and laptop)


These things that I get harassed about all the time. It's crazy how much they complain about how we don't need these things, but when they are here they are all over them. Like I said I a real humble guy I don't brag about anything, They just make a big deal of everything I have.

[SonnyJack]

Sounds like you've done everything you can to take care of your family so at this point I guess it's just a wait and see kind of thing. Hopefully your MIL will just want to come and spend some time with her daughter and grandkids and not start any trouble.

Old dogs can sometimes learn new tricks. Sometimes.

Good luck!

[wuzupfoo]

Originally Posted by lopealle

Sometimes I feel like they are jealous. The stuff Some the in-laws talk about is very petty. Things that would be a big deal to everybody else is major to them.

i.e.:

Cars (BMW and Mustang
Tvs (I only have 2. 42' and 27' tube)
Computer (desktop and laptop)


These things that I get harassed about all the time. It's crazy how much they complain about how we don't need these things, but when they are here they are all over them. Like I said I a real humble guy I don't brag about anything, They just make a big deal of everything I have.

Agree they are jealous but mostly its probably their retarded round about way of asking you to give it to them

[Hedges]

Bite your tongue, kill them with kindness! In-laws will be around all the time whether you like it or not so live with it.

[Kroy]

Originally Posted by lopealle

Sometimes I feel like they are jealous. The stuff Some the in-laws talk about is very petty. Things that would be a big deal to everybody else is major to them.

i.e.:

Cars (BMW and Mustang
Tvs (I only have 2. 42' and 27' tube)
Computer (desktop and laptop)


These things that I get harassed about all the time. It's crazy how much they complain about how we don't need these things, but when they are here they are all over them. Like I said I a real humble guy I don't brag about anything, They just make a big deal of everything I have.

When you say "they" it makes me think more than the MIL is hating. Thought you were cool with the 2 brothers now.

Don't mind the haters. When they hate, take it as a compliment laced with jealousy. It's probably frustrating and embarrassing for them to see you having all your cool gadgets. It also sounds like the family does not place too much importance in higher learning; so this type of ignorant behavior is kind of expected. It probably doesn't help that you're a humble person; that probably further frustrates them because you're not living up to their stereotype of you being a douche bag. It's how petty some people can get.

[lopealle]

Originally Posted by wuzupfoo

Agree they are jealous but mostly its probably their retarded round about way of asking you to give it to them

Well i wish they ask for my things in a more intelligent way lol.

Originally Posted by Hedges

Bite your tongue, kill them with kindness! In-laws will be around all the time whether you like it or not so live with it.

Not mine she come like twice a year. So i'm happy about that.

Originally Posted by Kroy

When you say "they" it makes me think more than the MIL is hating. Thought you were cool with the 2 brothers now.

Don't mind the haters. When they hate, take it as a compliment laced with jealousy. It's probably frustrating and embarrassing for them to see you having all your cool gadgets. It also sounds like the family does not place too much importance in higher learning; so this type of ignorant behavior is kind of expected. It probably doesn't help that you're a humble person; that probably further frustrates them because you're not living up to their stereotype of you being a douche bag. It's how petty some people can get.

The brothers and I are cool. I love haters I was just saying to myself my current aint doing good enough I need some better haters lol. I mean honestly I don't feel like I have any cool gadgets. They definitely don't see education as being important. I mean i'm not one to talk I have know college education. These guys though they just don't care how they live unfortunately and criticize me and my wife for not wanting to be like them.

[nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn]

So what you are saying is you stole our white women...

[lopealle]

Originally Posted by ferrari355fi

So what you are saying is you stole our white women...

i have used many of your white women for my own personal use, but this time i have a spanish woman.