BMW M3 Forum (E90 E92)

BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Go Back   M3Post - BMW M3 Forum > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board
 
BPM
Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      06-13-2008, 05:07 PM   #1
PLAYON
Major
PLAYON's Avatar
United_States
245
Rep
1,414
Posts

Drives: 2008 BMW 550i
Join Date: May 2008
Location: East Coast

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2008 BMW 550i  [0.00]
2003 Audi A4  [0.00]
MAXIM Jokes of the Week

The thread title says it all. Every Friday (before heading out for the night) I'm going to throw up a joke to get you guys in the right mindset for the upcoming weekend. So without further ado here's a fitting joke:

A man walked into a bar one night. He went up to the bar and asked for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be one cent.”
“ONE CENT!” exclaimed the guy, the barman replied, “Yes.”
So the guy glanced over at the menu, and he asked, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, loaded baked potato, salad and chocolate cake?”
“Certainly sir,” replied the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”
“How much money?” inquired the guy.
“Four cents,” he replies.
“FOUR cents!!!!” exclaimed the guy.
“Where’s the guy who owns this place?” The barman replied, “Upstairs with my wife.”
The guy said, “What’s he doing with your wife?”
The bartender replied, “Same thing I’m doing down here to his business.”

Enjoy! Lemme know if you've heard it or not.
Appreciate 0
      06-13-2008, 05:28 PM   #2
jdink
Major
jdink's Avatar
United_States
52
Rep
1,332
Posts

Drives: '08 E90 335i 6MT
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Portland, OR

iTrader: (0)

heard it
__________________
Appreciate 0
      06-13-2008, 08:08 PM   #3
FirstClass
Brigadier General
41
Rep
3,200
Posts

Drives: 328xi
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

iTrader: (0)

I don't get it...
__________________
328xi Coupe, Montego Blue on Black with Alum, Step, Sport, Premium, CA, PDC, Cold Weather (Damn Pennsylvania winters)
Current Mods: Heavy right foot - Planned Mods: Lightweight right foot

Quote:
Originally Posted by jh valley View Post
shit, if i had that kind of money id buy a gtstreet for monday, an ascari a10 for tuesday, a DBS for wednesday and id just ride jessica alba the rest of the week.
Appreciate 0
      06-14-2008, 11:00 PM   #4
gadget
Major
gadget's Avatar
United_States
108
Rep
1,161
Posts

Drives: 09 e92///M SSII DCT
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: US

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstClass View Post
I don't get it...


The guys wife is getting screwed by the owner of the restaurant, so the guy is selling everyhitng for a few cents to screw the owner....
Appreciate 0
      06-15-2008, 12:34 AM   #5
nyczyang27
Second Lieutenant
nyczyang27's Avatar
United_States
28
Rep
267
Posts

Drives: z4 3.0si / 328xi
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: NYC

iTrader: (0)

but why would the bartenders wife be upstairs getting screwed by his boss, let alone him knowing it? lol.....................lame joke!
__________________

2007 Z4 3.0si Step/Premium/Xenon/HeatedSeats/AutoTop/M6Wheels
2007 328xi Step/Premium/Sport/Xenon
Appreciate 0
      06-15-2008, 10:13 AM   #6
RBBMWE46M3
blaupunkt
RBBMWE46M3's Avatar
United_States
56
Rep
525
Posts

Drives: 2008 335xi 6spman montego
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: THE REGION

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2008 x5  [0.00]
1972 R75/5  [0.00]
2008 335xi  [0.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by nyczyang27 View Post
but why would the bartenders wife be upstairs getting screwed by his boss, let alone him knowing it? lol.....................lame joke!
OMG
__________________
BMW ENGINEERS
Appreciate 0
      06-15-2008, 07:11 PM   #7
FirstClass
Brigadier General
41
Rep
3,200
Posts

Drives: 328xi
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by gadget View Post


The guys wife is getting screwed by the owner of the restaurant, so the guy is selling everyhitng for a few cents to screw the owner....
If that's the joke then it's not funny.
__________________
328xi Coupe, Montego Blue on Black with Alum, Step, Sport, Premium, CA, PDC, Cold Weather (Damn Pennsylvania winters)
Current Mods: Heavy right foot - Planned Mods: Lightweight right foot

Quote:
Originally Posted by jh valley View Post
shit, if i had that kind of money id buy a gtstreet for monday, an ascari a10 for tuesday, a DBS for wednesday and id just ride jessica alba the rest of the week.
Appreciate 0
      06-15-2008, 07:15 PM   #8
m2kev
Major
m2kev's Avatar
United_States
88
Rep
1,187
Posts

Drives: G87 M2
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: San Clemente, CA

iTrader: (14)

Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstClass View Post
If that's the joke then it's not funny.
__________________
Appreciate 0
      06-16-2008, 02:12 PM   #9
Brunotheboxer
Colonel
Brunotheboxer's Avatar
United_States
371
Rep
2,984
Posts

Drives: 2014 Shelby GT500.
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Boston/Cape Cod

iTrader: (0)

heard it..
__________________


"...I maybe drunk, but you're ugly, and I can sober up..."
Appreciate 0
      06-16-2008, 11:18 PM   #10
gadget
Major
gadget's Avatar
United_States
108
Rep
1,161
Posts

Drives: 09 e92///M SSII DCT
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: US

iTrader: (0)

Agree- not the funniest joke-

BTW, your not really meant to read maxim, they just put the jokes/text so you can say " Honey I'm not checking out this chicks hot ass body, I'm reading the Jokes.. you see I even "glued the pages w/ her pictures together."
Appreciate 0
      06-17-2008, 09:36 PM   #11
TK-421
Registered Sex Offender
United_States
572
Rep
4,759
Posts

Drives: E46 M3 | 1JZ S13
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Tampa, FL

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by gadget View Post
Agree- not the funniest joke-

BTW, your not really meant to read maxim, they just put the jokes/text so you can say " Honey I'm not checking out this chicks hot ass body, I'm reading the Jokes.. you see I even "glued the pages w/ her pictures together."
__________________
Stop putting stuff like painted reflectors and premium package in your signature. You're embarrassing.
Appreciate 0
      06-17-2008, 09:39 PM   #12
DannyZ
Sergeant Major
DannyZ's Avatar
United_States
28
Rep
51
Posts

Drives: 03 BMW Z4 3.0i
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Tucson, Arizona

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by gadget View Post
Agree- not the funniest joke-

BTW, your not really meant to read maxim, they just put the jokes/text so you can say " Honey I'm not checking out this chicks hot ass body, I'm reading the Jokes.. you see I even "glued the pages w/ her pictures together."

+1
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Z3 Z4 and someday Z8...
Appreciate 0
      06-22-2008, 12:13 PM   #13
PaulBailey@ltbmw
General
PaulBailey@ltbmw's Avatar
Italy
662
Rep
26,878
Posts

Drives: 2-325 330 2-335 2-Z4 2-135 X5d
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Huntington Beach, CA

iTrader: (34)

Garage List
Quote:
Originally Posted by gadget View Post
Agree- not the funniest joke-

BTW, your not really meant to read maxim, they just put the jokes/text so you can say " Honey I'm not checking out this chicks hot ass body, I'm reading the Jokes.. you see I even "glued the pages w/ her pictures together."
Hahahha

Now that's a joke!
Appreciate 0
      06-22-2008, 12:15 PM   #14
PaulBailey@ltbmw
General
PaulBailey@ltbmw's Avatar
Italy
662
Rep
26,878
Posts

Drives: 2-325 330 2-335 2-Z4 2-135 X5d
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Huntington Beach, CA

iTrader: (34)

Garage List
Q: What did the red neck say to his girlfriend upon breaking up with her?


A: .....Can we still be cousins?
Appreciate 0
      06-23-2008, 11:26 PM   #15
j-tuned
Private First Class
j-tuned's Avatar
United_States
8
Rep
188
Posts

Drives: jetblack e92 - 335i
Join Date: May 2008
Location: SGV

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
08 e92 335i  [0.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by xPaulBaiLeyx View Post
Q: What did the red neck say to his girlfriend upon breaking up with her?


A: .....Can we still be cousins?
now that was pretty funny...
__________________
e92 335i | jetblack | black dakota leather | gray poplar wood trim | premium package | sport package | cold weather package | 230 style oem 19" rim | oem aero lip | painted reflectors |
Appreciate 0
      06-24-2008, 04:16 PM   #16
PaulBailey@ltbmw
General
PaulBailey@ltbmw's Avatar
Italy
662
Rep
26,878
Posts

Drives: 2-325 330 2-335 2-Z4 2-135 X5d
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Huntington Beach, CA

iTrader: (34)

Garage List
Thank You
Thank You
Appreciate 0
      06-24-2008, 04:16 PM   #17
PaulBailey@ltbmw
General
PaulBailey@ltbmw's Avatar
Italy
662
Rep
26,878
Posts

Drives: 2-325 330 2-335 2-Z4 2-135 X5d
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Huntington Beach, CA

iTrader: (34)

Garage List
Q: What's the difference between a Job and a Wife???


A. . . . After 5 years the Job still sucks...
Appreciate 0
      08-12-2008, 04:00 AM   #18
DSe93
DANNY
DSe93's Avatar
United_States
45
Rep
608
Posts

Drives: E93 335i AW/CR
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Los Angeles

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Q: What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?



A: A Map
Appreciate 0
      08-12-2008, 03:09 PM   #19
mvagusta
Lieutenant
16
Rep
473
Posts

Drives: 2008 m3 coup
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: michigan

iTrader: (1)

Who ever didn't think it was funny or didn't get it.. You better fire the pool guy or the plummer or the landscape crew. hahahah
Appreciate 0
      09-13-2008, 10:13 PM   #20
RBBMWE46M3
blaupunkt
RBBMWE46M3's Avatar
United_States
56
Rep
525
Posts

Drives: 2008 335xi 6spman montego
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: THE REGION

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2008 x5  [0.00]
1972 R75/5  [0.00]
2008 335xi  [0.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by DSe93 View Post
Q: What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?



A: A Map
__________________
BMW ENGINEERS
Appreciate 0
      01-18-2012, 06:07 PM   #21
808@702
8th BMW, 520th Surfboard
808@702's Avatar
490
Rep
1,215
Posts

Drives: My girlfriends crazy!
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Las Vegas, Nv. and Honolulu, Hi. and Seattle Wa.

iTrader: (0)

So a guy goes in to a bar and orders 7 shots of tequila. The bartender says sure! what are you celebrating? The guys says my first blowjob. Woohoo! the bartender yells and the 8th shot is on me! Thats ok the guy say, if 7 shots wont get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Appreciate 0
      01-19-2012, 07:50 PM   #22
Bimmer Nerd
Major General
Bimmer Nerd's Avatar
United_States
516
Rep
7,787
Posts

Drives: 6MT F80
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Santa Monica, CA

iTrader: (11)

Quote:
Originally Posted by 808@702 View Post
So a guy goes in to a bar and orders 7 shots of tequila. The bartender says sure! what are you celebrating? The guys says my first blowjob. Woohoo! the bartender yells and the 8th shot is on me! Thats ok the guy say, if 7 shots wont get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
Appreciate 0
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:01 AM.




m3post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST