Relationship Question(s)

[faou4rm]

My gf and i are very happy 95% of the time until the friendship issues pop up. Friendship issue is the main reason why we fight and why we get so irritated with each other.
Her tolerance tank js builds up and sometimes she gets really frustrated. Being the guy and knowing that she's the one suffering because of me i always js soak it in. I know that every relationships have their own problems, but i js hoped that one day i could get that itch off my back.

I hesitated numerous times about posting my problem/question on this forum, but i finally decided to give it a try and approaching/venting to strangers about it hahah

Thank you all for the inputs !

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by PINeely

What specifically are you afraid of happening? What's the worst-case scenario?

Worst case scenario is that the best friend makes a move and she rejects him.
As nasty as it sounds, i kinda WANT that to happen so that she can finally see things from my perspective.

IDK if i'm biased but i just don't like her friends too much. They make sexual jokes to her and tease her, and it js irritates me. At the same time, i js HATE being bothered by the fact that these things even bother me.
I hate thinking and being bothered when she drinks with her friends at night. I hate being bothered knowing that when she goes clubbing in her dress and heels there'd be other guys checking her out and approaching her.

I can't always be there with her and i actually DONT always want to go.

Ahhh

[sasha1015]

Originally Posted by bosstones

Ah...this makes your other thread less creepy now. lol

hahah thanks!!! lol

[dillon733]

Ahhh the relationship advice of bimmerpost

[catherineanh]

I think it is possible for guys and girls to be friends. Having said that, it's rare that the friendship works out. One person always ends up falling for the other eventually! Most of my guy friends are in relationships so it's not really a problem for me!

[dreamingat30fps]

Get yourself some girl friends.

Dunno whole thing sounds pretty messed up to me. Can't say I wouldn't be upset myself if it was my gf.

[PINeely]

It's a really tough situation. People, especially people in long relationships, appreciate that kind of attention. I went through this with one of my flirtatious exes, I even got arrested for punching out some dickhead. A really tough situation.

Unfortunately you can't stop other guys from thinking she's attractive. Can't hang a taken sign on her. Try to take it as a compliment.

[Small Yellow]

IMO the more you worry about it the worse it will get. You wont be able to trust her and because of no trust your relationship will go to shit. Just man up and accept it and if she fucks up then move on. The less you care about a women and focus on other things the more attracted/attached they are to you.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by catherinelam

I think it is possible for guys and girls to be friends. Having said that, it's rare that the friendship works out. One person always ends up falling for the other eventually! Most of my guy friends are in relationships so it's not really a problem for me!

I thought so too and it sure feels good to have you acknowledge that..

thanks !

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by dreamingat30fps

Get yourself some girl friends.

Dunno whole thing sounds pretty messed up to me. Can't say I wouldn't be upset myself if it was my gf.

Lol it's kinda hard to eat my own words and start hangingout with my girl friends..

We haven't kept in touch so I know they'd want to hangout often and talk to me a lot more, and i don't see it leading to anything good for my relationship haha

I'm too exhausted to add more mixture into this.. so maybe somewhere down the line i will !

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by PINeely

It's a really tough situation. People, especially people in long relationships, appreciate that kind of attention. I went through this with one of my flirtatious exes, I even got arrested for punching out some dickhead. A really tough situation.

Unfortunately you can't stop other guys from thinking she's attractive. Can't hang a taken sign on her. Try to take it as a compliment.

Yes it sounds like a no biggie but being in it for a long term definitely changes things.

I'm js grinding it out for a few more months until she moves to Taiwan for work. I figured i'll js deal with the whole thing when that happens lol We will keep in touch and see each other but it definitely won't be the same as living together 24/7

[catherineanh]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

I thought so too and it sure feels good to have you acknowledge that..

thanks !

when a guy is too close to a girl, he will suddenly get too comfortable and make a move... be vigilent hahaha

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by 6MT M3

IMO the more you worry about it the worse it will get. You wont be able to trust her and because of no trust your relationship will go to shit. Just man up and accept it and if she fucks up then move on. The less you care about a women and focus on other things the more attracted/attached they are to you.

That was my theory as well. I always js kept my friendship with girls on the side to have fun and enjoy life even when i was in a relationship.

However i'm just VERY different now after i being together with this girl for 3.5 years. Given the right circumstances i'd be willing to propose to her despite our friendship issue. It's something that i'm trying to get over with (man up) but it's proven to be a lot more difficult and complicated than i ever expected. Hope this gives you an idea of how serious i am about this relationship

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by catherinelam

when a guy is too close to a girl, he will suddenly get too comfortable and make a move... be vigilent hahaha

Haha no i feel like the guy friends know my gf well enough to know that making a move would mean the end of their friendship..

I doubt they'd want to ruin the close relationship that they have with her even if they do have strong feelings for her.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to mention that 1 of the 3 best guy friends (the one she's least closest to) came up to me while he was buzzed and told me how HOT my gf was.. This was a while ago btw, and I just brushed it off but he kept telling me the same thing and it irritated me. He even had the balls to tell me that he and my gf were best friends until i came along and took her away from them.

I was drunk and my gf was there as well so i figured i could js let him talk and use it against my gf the next day when we are both sober.
When i confronted her about her so called 'best friend' the next day she denied it and told me that 'he was js joking, he was drunk'

When she finally agreed that it wasn't funny and that 'maybe' his intentions WERE weird, she js took it as an exception and moved on.
I figured i finally prove to her that i was right all along but she js took it as an... exception.. ..

yeaaaaaaaah

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Torxist

Why not just hang out with some female friends yourself, level the balance of power in your relationship.

I would but she usually stays with me at school and at MY house during the weekends, so i feel kind of weird js leaving her to hangout with other girls..

I'll definitely be more social once she moves out and goes to Taiwan for her work in a few months..

[Zeros and ones]

Here is a interesting video on your question.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

Granted this was an independent study by a Independence film maker but notice how women answer and notice how men answer.

Their is an age old saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Doesn't matter how long you have been with your girl, you battle everyday to have and keep her attention. Don't forget, it all takes an instant where minds can change. Never bring down your guard. Trust your girlfriend, trust her guys friends but when they get out of line make sure you are their to set them straight. This doesn't mean get in their face but be alofe (cool and distant) about it and re-inforce the idea of this is my girl not yours. Be jealous a bit and step in every once in a while and be a man. This will show her you still care. Don't over do this one though cause you enter danger territory. To much of this and it can backfire in your face. Very important in this as well, "If you know who you are, changing for someone you care out is not a big deal."

I had this exact situation happen to my best friend Alex. He had no idea what to do. I gave him this advice and man did their relationship change for the better.

Not to answer you question straight... no, men and women can not be friends.

[nv6425]

Originally Posted by faou4rm

Worst case scenario is that the best friend makes a move and she rejects him.
Ahhh

Are you sure this is your worst case scenario? My worst case scenario would be that me and my GF get into a fight and she goes to her guy friends who take advantage of her. Then you've basically forced the inevitable to happen and will feel like it's your fault.

Guy/girl relationships always have an element of sexuality, perhaps never at the same time, but thoughts creep in. At 22 why are you locked down to a girl whom you've been with since you were 18? You have so much opportunity to experience other relationships and will grow so significantly over the next 5-8 years of your life. My opinion is that you're trying to hold down a girl who wants to party and it seems like that's not your personality - all of that is okay - it's okay to be different and want to different things, but why are you together then? What else is different about you both?

Without being crude, there are millions of women in the world, get some experience before you decide to settle down with one.

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by Zeros and ones

Here is a interesting video on your question.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

Granted this was an independent study by a Independence film maker but notice how women answer and notice how men answer.

Their is an age old saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Doesn't matter how long you have been with your girl, you battle everyday to have and keep her attention. Don't forget, it all takes an instant where minds can change. Never bring down your guard. Trust your girlfriend, trust her guys friends but when they get out of line make sure you are their to set them straight. This doesn't mean get in their face but be alofe (cool and distant) about it and re-inforce the idea of this is my girl not yours. Be jealous a bit and step in every once in a while and be a man. This will show her you still care. Don't over do this one though cause you enter danger territory. To much of this and it can backfire in your face. Very important in this as well, "If you know who you are, changing for someone you care out is not a big deal."

I had this exact situation happen to my best friend Alex. He had no idea what to do. I gave him this advice and man did their relationship change for the better.

Not to answer you question straight... no, men and women can not be friends.

Thank you for your input. i'll watch the video after i go home from school but based on what you said i have a feeling that it js confirms what i've been believing

For some weird reason, i find comfort in knowing that i am not the odd ball stressing the fact that there is no pure close friendship between a guy and a girl. I js don't want to be left at home wondering why i'm the only one who ever gets so bothered and worked up over it.

Again, thank you for your feedback

[MediaArtist]

shah?

[shah269]

No...if she is cute....no
If she is even half cute...no

If she's ugly...yes

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by nv6425

Are you sure this is your worst case scenario? My worst case scenario would be that me and my GF get into a fight and she goes to her guy friends who take advantage of her. Then you've basically forced the inevitable to happen and will feel like it's your fault.

Guy/girl relationships always have an element of sexuality, perhaps never at the same time, but thoughts creep in. At 22 why are you locked down to a girl whom you've been with since you were 18? You have so much opportunity to experience other relationships and will grow so significantly over the next 5-8 years of your life. My opinion is that you're trying to hold down a girl who wants to party and it seems like that's not your personality - all of that is okay - it's okay to be different and want to different things, but why are you together then? What else is different about you both?

Without being crude, there are millions of women in the world, get some experience before you decide to settle down with one.

YES i do strongly agree with you about friendships having an element of sexuality. Especially when alcohol starts to flow in when they're hanging out and js the chance of what the guys are thinking and wanting js bothers me at home.

The ironic thing is that we both didn't like each other when we met like the first week in college. When i met her at my friend's house she was an instant 'no-no' because she smoked cigarettes, partied hard, in the process of pledging in a sorority, and rolled at raves (none of which i did. I didn't mind friends doing it but never for a gf material). However, i decided to follow my friends to a halloween rave as a first time for everyone and she was the one the took us. We hung out more often and less than a week later, i found myself REALLY wanting to be with her.
For some of you that have been to raves and think that the interest was js a 'delusional' effect of drug high, 2 other guys and 2 other girls at the rave also got together. They broke up less than a year after but my gf and i have been going strong for 3.5 years (except for the occasional friendship issue). I js feel like going to a rave and TRYING new things helped me open my eyes more.
I was even more protective and intolerant a few years ago, and my gf ended up giving up her cigarettes and partying altogether for me. One day i js decided to smoke cigarettes together to compensate for the fact that she had to sacrifice everything for me. NOW, we smoke cigarettes together here and there and it hasn't bothered me in a long time. She goes clubbing with ONLY her girlfriends but it doesn't bother me anymore because i know she'd push and maybe even punch guys that approach her. The ONLY thing left to overcome is the friendship issue but i js can't seem to escape it.. I feel like i've tried everything but i'm stuck and i hate being so bothered by it

Anyways, as for other girls..
I know i may seem very young, but i have dated many many girls throughout high school, and the LONGEST one lasted less than 3 months. It never felt right and i always found myself leaving them. That was until i met my current gf and i js knew. 3.5 Years down the road and missing all the 'fun' in college, i don't regret any of it at all.
My gf is the opposite of me and she was in about 4 relationships that always lasted 1-3 years.

I used to always flirt, party, drink, and wanting to meet new girls. I used to always travel to different high schools to expand my network of friends.
3.5 years and i've been feeling so settled that i no longer feel the desire or even have the energy to do any of that. I'm very content with my relationship and don't have the motivation to go out with her and her friends.
I just wished that since she is a lot OLDER, she would settle down..
It may be personality difference as you said, but i tend to lean more towards sacrifices. I would never want to hurt my girl so i resorted to finding entertainment and happiness in other things in life other than flirting with girls. Yeah i would love to meet new pretty girls and have sex with them while i'm still young, but none of that matters because being in this relationship is worth it.
At the end of the day, this relationship is definitely worth all the missing out and sacrifices for me. We've overcome few major problems in our relationship but never the friendship issue....
My last resort is that she would start working full time after summer and that'd help settle her partying side..



Sorry about this long vent

[faou4rm]

Originally Posted by shah269

No...if she is cute....no
If she is even half cute...no

If she's ugly...yes

Haha that's what i said.
It's too damn impossible to be close friends with a girl for years when she's ugly fat and short (no offense to anyone)