Bachelor party fuck up......kinda long

[Taittinger]

At the very least, reconsider the groomsmen's gifts.

[gonzo]

Originally Posted by darkcloud

Golf was great, Indians game was OK and the rest of the night blew balls. So I had fun 40% of the time, so overall no. It was a waste of a night. I didn't even get drunk and 3 of the 4 strippers I got dances with were beat and disgusting.

Sounds like the King of Queens episode where the stripper for the B-party showed up with a full leg cast on.

[uabimmer]

You have a right to be mad , i not as far as throwing them out of the wedding party...

...Maybe they dont really realize what they have done

[rdsport323]

well I would be pissed also.. but its good to hear that at least you can always count on family to be there... at least your brother stuck with you..

My brother and bro-in-law devised a strategy for bachelor parties. Basically it works like this.. the Best Man is in charge of planning, arranging, reserving, and coordinating the whole party. He decides where, when who and how the night will turn out. Las Vegas is the easiest and most obvious choice for many reasons. What the best man should do is try and estimate the cost of room/board/food/ALCOHOL/strippers(hookers) for the night, and come up with some number and divide the number evenly amongst the number of guests. Then have the guests pay up front to the best man so the best man will be in charge of the bill the whole night. Whatever $ left over, will be split evenly at the end of the party.

By collecting money before the party, you are guaranteed that no one will bitch out and say oh they can't afford this or that.. or something is too expensive.... people like that you don't want at your party anyways. Also, at the party, the best man should either hand out tickets or use a marker to mark everyone that's taken a shot or drank any sort of alcohol. At a bachelor party, NO ONE should be sober. Sober people mixed in with drunken people are no fun. Being in Vegas, theres no need for designated drivers, so theres no excuse to be just as plastered as the groom. So by handing out tickets/marking their hand, it is to ensure that everyone is equally drunk and having a good time. Besides, once everyone is too drunk, they wouldn't even think about ditching you anywhere.

Money is always a huge factor in parties.. some people are cheap and don't want to spend it on expensive drinks, some just want to get plastered... The only way to guarantee that the party doesn't split up is to make sure everyone is drunk.

that's just the way I think it should be...

[cipher5]

Your friends are douche bags, get new friends.

[Couch]

I think you had every right to get pissed. That's bullshit. It's an honor to be asked to be in a wedding. That to me means that you are considered a "really good friend".

These guys obviously don't care about you, nor are wanting to share in your experience of getting married. A bachelor party is suppose to be a time of making sure the groom has the best time possible and embarrass him a little bit. They disrespected you in every way. Even though those two other guys were more your fiances friends as you say, had enough respect for you to no leave you high and dry. Maybe they should be promoted to groomsman and the others kicked out of the wedding.

You definitely need to have a "round-table" discussion with all of the groomsmen present. Express your anger and angst with them. Find out what their deal was and take it from there.

I got out of hand at one of my friends b-parties. Pretty much ruined a solid friendship with one of the other groomsmen. Thankfully we're slowing getting back to being friends again.

So not all is lost with this, but you really need to find out their side and vent your side. And then come together somehow.

[cryptkeeper]

Originally Posted by solefald

yeah this is fucked up. get some new friends, dude...


which reminds me. we threw a bachelors party for a friend on a Friday night and made it as boring as possible. Half of the people did not show up, we all voted for not going to the strip club, couple of guys brought chicks with them and the friend who was getting married was almost in tears... but that was on purpose. His bride gave us the keys to his house, so we snuck in at 5am next morning, zipped him up in a sleeping bag, threw him in a van and took him down to Mexico for 2 days of debauchery, drinking and good times. It was awesome! 2 years later, he still talks about this weekend!

that's an act of true friendship. hard to find friends like that. half of dudes in cali are just trying to bang your chick/sister/mom.

to the op. it's always best to put things out in the open, clear the air, let your voice be heard. if they don't want to listen, delete them from your phone, wedding and life in general. life is to short to waste time on mediocre acquaintances.

[e46e92love]

Dude, you got some shitty friends, time to replace them........as you get older (and married) you will have less and less time for people, and you want to spend your time with people who want to spend it with you and got your back, those dick-heads don't. That is a f**ked up story.......sorry dude, that sucks.

[Year's_End]

Get pissed, rip off their faces.
Get ripped, piss off their faces.

[TK-421]

Originally Posted by cipher5

Your friends are douche bags, get new friends.

took the words out of my mouth

[Robertbog]

It's kinda like this, do you want them as friends or not?

If you dont, and you get pissed, then you're good

If you want the dead weight, be forgiving.

[samwoo2go]

This might be harsh but you got shitty friends and need new ones bad...

Look, when it came your big moment on stage at the strip club, the only people left were your brother (which is given cuz hes family), Adam (he prob has no local friends and don't know the rest of the guys too well, so he has no choice but to stay), the 2 dudes that were more like your fiance's friends (they were prob sent there to "keep an eye" on you and they were better friends to your fiance than your friends were to you, so they stay to make sure you don't get crabs.)

on top of all this I thought your friends were suppose to plan the bachelor party for you without you actually having to send emails of threat...pretty sad situation.

That being said, there is 1 exception to the above mentioned. If your friends were so fucking drunk they don't remember what they did (blacking out) then you lose all rights and privaleges to getting pissed, or retaliation. Only emotion allowable under such circumstances is sadness.

Well, look at the bright side, you got married, and now you have to oppurity to make friends with your wife's friends, and lose your own shitty friends. lol

[darkcloud]

Originally Posted by samwoo2go

Adam (he prob has no local friends and don't know the rest of the guys too well, so he has no choice but to stay)

That being said, there is 1 exception to the above mentioned. If your friends were so fucking drunk they don't remember what they did (blacking out) then you lose all rights and privaleges to getting pissed, or retaliation. Only emotion allowable under such circumstances is sadness.

Adam knew the other guys. We all went to college together and/or he's hung out enough that we are all friends. He's just got a functioning brain unlike the rest. And he truly is a great friend. He didn't stick around cuz he had to cuz I was his only friend. He stayed cuz it would have never crossed his mind to leave.

I spoke to another one of the guys today, Tim. He apologized and agreed they fucked up. He claims they mentioned to my brother that they were going to leave, but the thing is they should have still come to me regardless. He also claims they were all running out of money and were kinda drunk(I don't think near blackout drunk though), which is still kinda no reason to do what they did.


Thanks for all the comments guys. If only it were that simple to drop old friends and pick up new ones. I've known these most of these guys since middle school. I'm also starting to think that they had absolutely no clue of bachelor party etiquette since it was the first for all of them. Still a poor excuse.

I guess I'll see what happens. I do think I'm going to save myself some money and not buy them any wedding presents, except Heath and Adam.

[howardpro]

Originally Posted by darkcloud

Thanks for all the comments guys. If only it were that simple to drop old friends and pick up new ones. I've known these most of these guys since middle school. I'm also starting to think that they had absolutely no clue of bachelor party etiquette since it was the first for all of them. Still a poor excuse.

I guess I'll see what happens. I do think I'm going to save myself some money and not buy them any wedding presents.

You need new friends. Just because you grew up with them doesn't mean that you have to be best buds forever. It happens all the time. Not everyone grows up and matures at the same pace. I still have college friends that do the same shit 10 years later. Cut your losses, and as some people have said - after you get married and have kids, you'll have less time for friends. For such an important event, there is no excuse for what they did. Sometimes when you move on to bigger and better things, your friends end up getting left behind because they don't grow up.

Best of luck for the wedding and don't get too worked up over it. They're douchebags, leave it at that.

[E91 Dude]

Originally Posted by howardpro

You need new friends. Just because you grew up with them doesn't mean that you have to be best buds forever. It happens all the time. Not everyone grows up and matures at the same pace. I still have college friends that do the same shit 10 years later. Cut your losses, and as some people have said - after you get married and have kids, you'll have less time for friends. For such an important event, there is no excuse for what they did. Sometimes when you move on to bigger and better things, your friends end up getting left behind because they don't grow up.

Best of luck for the wedding and don't get too worked up over it. They're douchebags, leave it at that.

Seconded to all of the above. Good post.

Here's another way to think about it. If one of your friends was the bachelor that night, would you have treated him the way you were treated? If no, then you probably value the friendship more than he does. If that's the case, the friendship isn't completely mutual.

[picus]

Originally Posted by chuck92103

Sounds like these guys are more acquaintances than friends.

You might want to re-evaluate who your friends are.

+1. Sound like a bunch of douchebags to me.

[darkcloud]

Originally Posted by E91 Dude

Seconded to all of the above. Good post.

Here's another way to think about it. If one of your friends was the bachelor that night, would you have treated him the way you were treated? If no, then you probably value the friendship more than he does. If that's the case, the friendship isn't completely mutual.

No I would have never left. It would have never crossed my mind.

I calmly spoke with Curt last night. He apologized and tried to make it out to an honest mistake. He thought someone had mentioned that they were leaving and got the, "ok" to leave. Which still doesn't explain why no one came to me. He also said, "it wasn't personal. We were all drunk and I(he) had thought someone asked if it was OK to leave. It was just a huge mistake and we all fucked up.".

I really don't think these guys did it on purpose. I want to truly believe that they just didn't understand the rules of a bachelor party since it was the first for everyone. But as I think of everything I've done for these guys I really don't see much reciprocation on their parts, except for Adam and my brother. The other dudes just seem to be in coast mode and think just chalking this event up as "in the past" and a "huge mistake and fuck up" followed by a "sorry bro" as good enough to move on.

And you know what I want? A WHOLE OTHER BACHELOR PARTY

[txusa03]

dont get mad, just get even

[its ray den]

as someone who's getting married later in the year and just commissioned my best man to start making plans for my bachelor part, i can understand how you feel. even outside the whole bachelor party thing, i'm beginning to see who my real friends are. you find out which people are truly dedicated to you and who's just there for the ride. it's sad, but it's just the way things roll. now you know that you should lower your expectations with these people.

[Couch]

Originally Posted by darkcloud

And you know what I want? A WHOLE OTHER BACHELOR PARTY

You deserve one. And your dumbass friends should all be planning one at this moment. Hell, if I was rich I'd fly my happy-ass up to Ohio and throw you a bachelor party. And I only know you via e90post.

The "I was pretty drunk" line is always the weakest of them all. When I hand-wrote a letter to my friend apologizing for my actions I specifically told him that there was no excuse for my reaction and I'm not going to cop out...I fucked up. Being drunk excuses are the lamest.

Sure we all have fucked up drunk before, but just flat out leave a bachelor party is fucked up. There is no written "etiquette". You're friends getting married, you go out and party and get shit-faced with him "one last time". That's the etiquette. It's about you.

Your friends are trying to make it like it's no big deal, and they didn't mean it. Maybe they didn't mean it, but it just shows that thy're selfish. And it IS a big deal. Especially to you.

It sounds like you're trying to come up with acceptable excuses to forgive them and act like it doesn't bother you. I completely understand where you're coming from. I've forgiven so many in my life I probably shouldn't have. But if I didn't, then what sort of person does that make me? No better than them. I do know how you are feeling right now though. I bet it's still on your mind all the time.

So, yes forgive your friends. They may not have been there for you at this moment, but they've been your friends for so long I'm sure they've had your back at others. They should throw you a bachelor party again in a year though.

You really do need to sit down with them and express how you truly feel. Tell them everything that's going through your head and tell them they're excuses are lame as hell and it really hurt and pissed you off that they didn't take any joy in throwing you a bachelor party.

Hey, at least you have something to throw in their face if any of them get pissed at you.

[MisterSkiMask]

op

what do you expect from a bunch of drunk guys?

If you can't work out a night of drinking with your buddies you have no chance with a PMSing woman.

[darkcloud]

Originally Posted by MisterSkiMask

op

what do you expect from a bunch of drunk guys?

If you can't work out a night of drinking with your buddies you have no chance with a PMSing woman.

Dude, I own the woman. Nah we have mutual respect for each other.

The buddies are just fuck ups.