The 27 People You See At Every Racetrack

[PrimeBMW]

Originally Posted by The HACK

#14.

I finally broke down and started to instruct. My first student was well behaved but a little boring in his 2004 mustang (it had some suspension, brake and engine mods and was better than i expected)

If my next student isn't more interesting I may turn into #14.

[WarrantyTracker]

19. The Rolling Chicane

Guilty.

[The HACK]

Originally Posted by PrimeBMW

If my next student isn't more interesting I may turn into #14.

After a couple of "exciting" students, I hope all my students in the future are boring as heck.

Unless she's hot. See #24 on the list.

[w0ady]

Great read! I've definitely met a lot of people on this list.

[admranger]

Originally Posted by The HACK

After a couple of "exciting" students, I hope all my students in the future are boring as heck.

Unless she's hot. See #24 on the list.

That's pretty much a standard exclaimer for most exceptions in a guy's life.

[M3 Number 86]

Originally Posted by admranger

That's pretty much a standard exclaimer for most exceptions in a guy's life.

I'll be damned if my life got taken away because of some hot b*tch.

[1MOREMOD]

Ain't no pussy good enough to get burnt while I'm up in it.

[Flying Ace]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Ain't no pussy good enough to get burnt while I'm up in it.

My motto for life

[PrimeBMW]

woops. I meant #15.

[The HACK]

You know, I bet if we put some thoughts into it we can come up with a similar list for INSTRUCTORS. Here's a few to start with. Feel free to add your own to the list, but PLEASE be respectable...This isn't a place to vent your frustrations with your last instructor.

1. The Veteran

This guy (or gal) has been doing this for as long as you've been alive. There's not a situation, track, turn, car, or organizer they haven't driven with or through. Heck they've driven on more track that doesn't exist anymore than the ones you've driven on. You mention any famous turns, he'll tell you he's gone through it 3 wide back in 19XX driving his 2002. You mention a famous driver from the by-gone era, they'll tell you the funniest stories you'll ever hear about said driver when he/she crewed for him back in 19XX. They're usually super cool because, frankly, they've seen just about anything you can throw at them.

He/she's probably got a full head of grey hair, STILL driving his 2002 that he went through turn X 5 wide in (yes every time the story is told, it gets more crowded).

2. The e-Ticket Driver

If you get this guy as your instructor, he'll probably harp on your @ss all day about driving super smooth and hitting all your marks. And after a couple of sessions some of what he's talking about start to sink in and you get better and faster.

Then you go and take a ride with him.

You're blown away by the sheer speed, the insane car control skills, and all the same time, being TERRIFIED for your life because not only is he passing just about every car on track, but he's passing just about every car on track at speed that you didn't think is possible. And, unlike #1, he's not driving his 2002. No, this guy is driving some REAL hardware. Probably a previous generation Porsche GT3. Or an E46 M3 with Hoosiers. Or one of his MANY MOD class race cars, if it's an older car (like an E30 M3). Half way through the ride, as he's in the middle of passing another E9X M3, he looks over at you and ask you if you have any questions. At this point, there's really only 2 good questions to ask. You ask him if he expect you to drive like this in the next session, and you ask yourself if you've packed an extra pair of clean underwear.

3. The Chief Instructor

You've all seen these guys. You have to. They are the first ones to talk to you on the morning of, that goes over all the rules about passing, and answering all the questions about passing, then telling you again which side to pass, when to pass, how to pass, then telling the OTHER instructors to watch out for passing on track. You can see it in their eyes, as they explain again what a black flag is and when you'll get one, that it's the 100X time they've given this speech. They're not bored, per se, but seriously, at this point any sane person would ask himself why the f**k are they explaining what the difference is between a furled black flag being pointed at the driver, vs. a furled black flag being pointed FURIOUSLY at the driver.

But hey, they suck it up and do it, because at any event you've got people who's heard this speech about hydrating and cool-down laps a thousand times, and you've got people who can't tell the difference between an apex and a hole in the ground. You usually NEVER see them drive on the track, but when they do...They make the e-Ticket drivers quake in their boots. Most of the time they drive something nondescript, because, frankly, they're so damn busy on any given weekend that they'll never have the chance to really stretch the legs of their GT3 that they drive back when they're but an e-Ticket driver instructor. So it's either their daily commuter (like a 328i or 335i) or their workhorse (an F150), or a bone stock E9x M3.

4. The "Chick"

There, I said it. It's sexist, I know. But again, if you do this long enough you'll come across one. They're usually the ones on the previous 27 types list that stuck around long enough to start embarrassing their fellow participants, and eventually can't help but to be indoctrinated into this male dominated fraternity (of instructors).

Most of the time, at least, when I was a student, you see that you're assigned a "chick" instructor and you can't help but groan inside that you got the short end of the stick at this event. But outwardly, you say all the right things. Then you go out for a few laps, and she's pointing out things you've never noticed before. Few laps later you notice your not struggling with turn X that you've struggled with for ages because she's gotten you to turn in just a hair later.

Then you start to get pissed at yourself, because, c'mon. You're a MAN. This is a MAN's sport. That whole stereotype that you based your entire life in, that men are better drivers than women, is about to be shattered. You spent the next two sessions driving like sh*t because deep down inside you have to prove a point.

Only at the end of the day, did you realize that had you just swallowed your pride, SHE would have made you into a much better driver.

4a. The "HOT Chick"

Every once in a while we would get a really young, attractive, and deftly skilled instructor of the female persuasion. It's like finding a unicorn. She would put all the drivers in the paddock to shame in the skills department, and at the same time, have them all fantasize about her because, well, she's a hot chick who can drive. C'mon, Danica Patrick has made a career out of that, and frankly, she can't even drive THAT good.

The problem is, of course, she can be the best communicator in the world, and can drive the pants off of any car, yet at the end of the day she's not getting through any of you (unless you're a girl). I was lucky enough to have had a few of them through my career as a student. And let me tell you, I remember vividly having them as my instructors, but I don't remember a thing they taught me.

And when one of them married another instructor and retired, it broke many a hearts within the club. You know who I'm talking about ADMRanger.

5. The Club Racer

The majority of our instructor corp in the region has had club racing experience. I'm not talking about those guys. I'm talking about the Club Racers. You know, the guys that are there to instruct only because there isn't a club race happening somewhere across the country that weekend. On any given season, they spend more time club racing than actually working. Heck they probably spend more time with their fellow club racers than their spouses/significant others/girlfriend-boyfriend.

Since most of the time they look just like your average every day instructors, the only way to tell is in how they instruct. They don't typically harp on your mistakes and don't insist that you drive the "perfect line." As long as your safe and fast, they don't care. They're so used to driving off line that they've mostly forgotten how to actually drive "on line," or don't care. You're six inches off the apex? As long as you hit your exit at speed, you're fine. A hair too early on turn-in? You're just defending your position on track. Late braking into a turn? It's called "passing." You're churning freakishly fast and consistent times with them in the car, but you just can't figure out how because as you review your video, your driving is as sloppy as you've ever seen it.

But damn you're going fast.

I'll add more when I'm bored.

[w0ady]

^great additions!

[LiM3y]

6. "I've Driven It All" Classroom Instructor
Spends the first twenty five minutes of the mandatory 30 minute classroom session describing how much driving he's done and how he's driven every track on the East Coast to establish his credibility with the students...and then five minutes discussing lines, apexes and braking points before the class has to rush out and get ready. Ironically, part of the 25 minute self-aggrandizement includes a story about not driving VIR, but being driven around, which left one particular student wondering which other tracks he'd been driven around...and is VIR considered East coast? Or, what track serious track rat wouldn't make a bee-line to VIR to DRIVE it. However, it did bring back happy memories of 6 days at VIR while all this went on. I am not sure how many other attendees had that luxury.

7. "When I Coached <insert> Famous Driver, e.g. Andretti</insert>" Classroom Instructor
Immediately grabs your attention as he explains why a slow 10-6-3-1-0 lift of the brake pedal is important, especially in Porsches, and your are hanging on their every word for the next 30 minutes as he shows brake-throttle traces and explains how that cost the driver 0.231 seconds that lap...

[1MOREMOD]

im striving for a mix of 1 and 2 at some point.

[M3 Number 86]

8. No Show Private Instructor - signs up to instruct, but having too much fun at the track and totally forgets (or just ignores?) that he has a student waiting for him.

9. I only instruct people in cars less than 200 hp - because too many show up with 500 HORSEPOWERS and are likely to crash into a damn wall.

[LiM3y]

10. Paperazzi Instructor
Makes a walk-jog bee-line for the Ferrari/Lambo immediately after the instructor's meeting. Waits there for the driver, fending other instructors off with a torque wrench. If it is the "green" group, the driver will be the one in the Corsa Rosso driving suit, and the instructor suggests to the student that is better if he drives first so he can "understand" the handling dynamics of the car to ensure the student has the highest quality experience.

11. Dumb Motherf**ker Instructor
Decides to test the handling limits of another instructor's student ride and totally wads it at the start of the Climbing Esses at VIR.

[tlp]

12. NFD!!
BMW Oktoberfest 2013. My 2nd track event ever. My CCA instructor gets in the car and tells me. In his Samuel Jackson voice he says..."I only have one rule....NO FOCKING DRAMA". I said Ok and we were off . Everytime I see him I play back his only rule

[PrimeBMW]

Originally Posted by LiM3y

10. Paperazzi Instructor
Makes a walk-jog bee-line for the Ferrari/Lambo immediately after the instructor's meeting. Waits there for the driver, fending other instructors off with a torque wrench. If it is the "green" group, the driver will be the one in the Corsa Rosso driving suit, and the instructor suggests to the student that is better if he drives first so he can "understand" the handling dynamics of the car to ensure the student has the highest quality experience.

11. Dumb Motherf**ker Instructor
Decides to test the handling limits of another instructor's student ride and totally wads it at the start of the Climbing Esses at VIR.

Does #11 pay for the damage or just a douche?

[The HACK]

13. The Indignant Passenger

This is the one that opens up the flood-gate by posting something he thought was funny on the intarweb about his fellow instructors, only to watch it turn into a b*tchfest about BAD instructors, then comes online again to try and salvage the situation by posting something self-deprecating.

See "The HACK."

C'mon people. No matter what your experience is with your instructor, you HAVE to realize we take a huge amount of risk to impart our knowledge, what little bit of it we have, every time we set @ss in your passenger seat.

[LiM3y]

You got the good ones already!!!! In ~45 track days, I've had one bad one and two mediocre ones.

I love the club racer instructor...that's why SCDA is a great organization in the NE. The instructors all race, or have raced. One of the most experienced instructors comes up from Maryland to work with them. He's the one that got so frustrated with me lifting in the Lightbulb at NJMP, 4th time around, he grabbed my knee and held my foot on the pedal! He also has a story about how his Corvette brake line ruptured on the front straight at LRP and he went backwards into the the tires at the run off and the tranny took the brunt of the impact. The kicker was that he had previously complained that one of the gears wasn't working well, so he got the tranny replaced under warranty! You have to work pretty hard to phase someone that has been through that!

[LiM3y]

14. "I'll Drive the Fooking Car" Instructor

Gets so frustrated with your lack of response to guidance that they start grabbing parts of your body and vehicle to get a better line around the course.

[M3 Number 86]

15. The instructor who turns DSC back on!!! WTF.

This happened to me once and at turn 4 at ACS I felt the car boggle down when there would have been no slip at all.

He snuck it in apparently while I was driving.

[chris82]

Originally Posted by LiM3y

10. Paperazzi Instructor
Makes a walk-jog bee-line for the Ferrari/Lambo immediately after the instructor's meeting. Waits there for the driver, fending other instructors off with a torque wrench. If it is the "green" group, the driver will be the one in the Corsa Rosso driving suit, and the instructor suggests to the student that is better if he drives first so he can "understand" the handling dynamics of the car to ensure the student has the highest quality experience.

11. Dumb Motherf**ker Instructor
Decides to test the handling limits of another instructor's student ride and totally wads it at the start of the Climbing Esses at VIR.

My last instrucor did #11, he said he never drove another student's car after that!