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      05-17-2009, 01:46 PM   #1
Tondtar
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Chuck Norris Facts

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

  • Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

  • If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

  • There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

  • Chuck Norris is the only person that can run around the world and kick himself in the back of the head.

  • Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries.

  • When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean he doesn't get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norris.

  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

  • If you play Led Zeppelin's "stairway to Heaven" backward, you'll hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

  • Chuck Norris is allowing you to live just to laugh at you.

  • While I was in Iraq Chuck Norris came to visit and I was in charge of his security detail. My Marines asked why he needed security and I explained we were protecting the insurgents from Chuck Norris not him from the insurgents.

=============================================

More? : www.chucknorrisfacts.com

Last edited by Tondtar; 05-17-2009 at 02:16 PM.
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      05-17-2009, 02:53 PM   #2
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haha i hate chuck norris

although my fav is def "When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean he doesn't get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norris."
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      05-17-2009, 11:19 PM   #3
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lmao

When the Boogie man goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris
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      05-17-2009, 11:34 PM   #4
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is
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      05-18-2009, 09:22 PM   #5
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How ironic, I was just emailing my buddy Chuck Norris facts at work the other day.

-Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

-Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

-Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic cable because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

-Chuck Norris hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

-Outer space only exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

-There were no weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq, until Chuck Norris arrived.

-Here's a short list of things Chuck Norris can't do: .
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      05-18-2009, 09:30 PM   #6
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Here are some more facts...

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep... he waits.

-Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.

-Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because the word hunting itself, implies that there's a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

-CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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      05-18-2009, 10:04 PM   #7
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Chuck Norris once took a vacation to the Virgin Islands. When he left, they were just, "the Islands."

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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      05-19-2009, 07:50 PM   #8
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Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
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      05-19-2009, 09:42 PM   #9
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Chuck Norris CAN believe you've done this
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      05-24-2009, 02:52 PM   #10
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When Chuck Norris does push-ups, his body does not go up, its the earth that goes down!
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      05-26-2009, 04:29 PM   #11
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You know, they say Chuck Norris doesnt have a chin under his beard, just another fist.




Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
(google.com > type find chuck norris > im feeling lucky)

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      05-26-2009, 11:54 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chinoxs203 View Post
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      05-27-2009, 12:42 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chinoxs203 View Post

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
(google.com > type find chuck norris > im feeling lucky)



/Thread ...right there.
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      06-02-2009, 06:43 AM   #14
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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
(google.com > type find chuck norris > im feeling lucky)

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      06-02-2009, 02:15 PM   #15
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Chuck Norris CAN believe you've done this
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      06-02-2009, 07:07 PM   #16
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Who would win in a fight? Chuck Norris, or Bolo Yeung?
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      06-07-2009, 05:10 AM   #17
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Geiko saved money by switching to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never fuck on the bottom, he never fucks up.
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      06-07-2009, 06:03 PM   #18
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Chuck Norris CAN touch this.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.

We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A Chuck Norris a day kills.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.

Chuck Norris invented the apple.

Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.

Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.

Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.

P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

Chuck Norris' paradise is war.

Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.

Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.

Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.

Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.

As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.

Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.

Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.

Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.

The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.

Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.

Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.

The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.

Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.

See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.

Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.

Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.

If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.

Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.

You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.

Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.

Chuck norris invented the corndog.

The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Chuck Norris belives the hype.

Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.

Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.

Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for the last 146 years.

Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.

Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.

Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.

Chuck Norris can dribble a football.

Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw.

Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.
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      06-07-2009, 11:51 PM   #19
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Those are some good Chuck Norris facts Collins...
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      06-08-2009, 05:28 AM   #20
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Chuck Norris doesnt play GOD. Playing is for children.

heheh
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      06-08-2009, 08:03 AM   #21
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Chuck Norris CAN believe you've done this
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      06-08-2009, 01:05 PM   #22
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Chuck Norris CAN believe you've done this
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