Some newbie questions

[Yarzy]

Hi everyone, I am a new BMW/M3 owner. Long story short, I purchased a 2009 M3 4 door 6 speed Jerez Black with 34k miles. So far I am loving it, but I have a ton of questions, with new ones popping up each day so I apologize ahead of time for my questions.

I have the 2009 CIC iDrive. I am going to update the maps today to the 2015, but is there a way I can update the firmware myself?
In a related question, what plug do I need for a 2009 for coding? I see so many cables mentioned but I am not clear on what cable I need. Do I need to purchase multiple for extra coding work?
Is there a way to have my iPhone 5S work with the system or is it just too old?

Thanks again for everyones help, I am sorry for the newbie questions, I just did not see much in the search.