Significant others and modifications to your car

[LarThaL]

So how many of you have shown this thread to your sig. other and said,

"See, honey. I'm not the only one"

[LarThaL]

Originally Posted by username11

I don't understand how your wives can tell you what to do in relation to your car. Or anything you pay for in that case.

True, I'm not married. But I manage my own finances, time, work, and what I spend my money on. Unless your wife paid for you car, how can she tell you what to do with it?

I can't fathom my girlfriend telling me how to spend my own money. I guess it really must change when you get married. Although I know a lot of dudes whose wives manage their finances. Can't fathom that either.

There is a big difference between what you do when you are single (and having a girlfriend still qualifies as single) vs. what you do when you are married. After marriage, your lives unite. If they don't, it isn't much of a marriage.

[Jaypod]

Originally Posted by username11

I don't understand how your wives can tell you what to do in relation to your car. Or anything you pay for in that case.

True, I'm not married. But I manage my own finances, time, work, and what I spend my money on. Every cent of my equity is mine and I've earned it myself. Unless your wife paid for you car, how can she tell you what to do with it?

I can't fathom my girlfriend telling me how to spend my own money. I guess it really must change when you get married. Although I know a lot of dudes whose wives manage their finances and keep joint bank accounts. Can't fathom that either.

The highlighted point pretty much some it up.........

I am married and pretty much do what I want with my disposable income and my wife does the same with hers. The key is we trust each other and know we wont spend beyond our means and doing anything stupid that would hurt us financially. As it has already been said its about thresholds and give and take.

[LarThaL]

Originally Posted by username11

You could say I'm pretty cynical. I have significant (at least to me) equity that I've earned thus far in my life and the majority of the guys I know have lost significant amounts of their own money in divorces. I plan for a prenup and don't believe in combining finances unless it's for a common goal (child's education, etc.)

You unite, but that doesn't mean throwing fiscal caution and management to the wind. That also means if I want to spend the money I've earned in my life on a reward such as a car or car modification, I really don't think I could come to live with having to justify that to someone who hadn't actively contributed.

If you have a good marriage and cars are your passion, your wife should be understanding of this. Provided that you have your priorities correct, and are not doing something like buying an M3 and not saving for your kids education, there shouldn't be an issue assuming your overall finances are sound.

On the other hand, if you just spend recklessly, that is another issue. You probably aren't ready for marriage.

Like everything in life, marriage has its pros and its cons. You will never have one without the other. IMO, if you need a pre-nup, you don't have a strong enough bond to get married. It will limit the depth of the bond you will be able to achieve with your spouse.

You have known people who got it wrong so take your time to find the right person. If you never do, DON'T SETTLE FOR JUST ANYONE just to have a warm body in your bed. (actually, if you don't get married, you can have many warm bodies in your bed !!!)

Here's a test. When you meet the right woman, it won't matter to you if she wants you to curtail your car habit to a degree. It will be worth the sacrifice. And therein lies the key to finding the right person. How much are they willing to sacrifice to be with you? This goes both ways of course. How much are you willing to sacrifice to be with the other person?

Some people are never really ready for marriage.

[PNWM3]

Mines fine with it all as long as I spread out the purchases about every 6 months so it keeps the car feeling new. If I did them all at once there would be no stopping me wanting the next upgrade. When we met I had an E60 M5 with a Dinan exhaust and Stage 2 suspension and she's already commented on how we should probably do that to the M3 as it really did sound awesome. I just slowly share with her my research until it's time and then she understasnd why a full exhaust is a better upgrade than just a slip-on...

[k2e15]

Originally Posted by THE TECH

I won't bother asking. Women think money is wasted on cars to begin with. They will never understand our passion.

^^^ This!!! ....

Originally Posted by Boostin FD

They waste it on millions of shoes they only wear once...

^^^.. always my counter argument... it works 3/4 of the time.. I'll take it...

[///M Ryder]

This is the thread of the week......oh wait.......no, the to couch or not is the best thread of the week......this is a close second. A few people have nailed it.....it's all about give and take. The disposable income is the key.......you gotta have a few accounts in the house. Mine, hers, and ours (household stuff). Once the ours is funded....(that's monthly expenses and savings), then you have the disposable. The key to staying alive is don't spend your disposable and then tap into the ours. That will get sh*t started in my camp......on both side. This approach has served me well........check my signature .........Phil

[Darth One]

mine doesn't mind it when i mod. i mod her car and mine as well...i haven't gotten around to the M (it's more her car than mine), but the only times she's protested is when she wanted to use the discretionary funds for something else.

however, she does not like it when i drive fast, or even corner hard. that's probably the most frustrating part concerning me, her and cars. oh well, no one's perfect

it's much easier for a woman who wants to mod her M3 to get what she wants from her husband...the threat of withholding sex always works nicely

[LarThaL]

Originally Posted by username11

Insightful post and your last statement is probably very true. I do, however, think it is somewhat generational or at least situation-dependent. My parents met when they teenagers and were married before they turned twenty. They started life together with about $500, lived on a farm, and planted their own food. Fast forward many years and they've become successful professionals together and will retire relatively care free. The idea of separate finances, a prenup, or non-joint decisions for them would be madness. My mom definitely says when my dad gets a new car.

On the other hand, I've been completely independent and living alone since I was eighteen. I am approaching my late twenties and am nowhere near ready to marry. Assuming for whatever reason I turned thirty and want to settle down, I will have been fiscally independent and solely responsible for my own success (small business owner) and decisions for at least twelve years.

The thought of then throwing caution to the wind because of finding the "right" person and reverting some or all of that learned behavior seems impossible, and frankly, terrifying. I manage my own money, investments, purchases, travel, life, everything. I certainly wouldn't know how to handle someone telling me how to manage my own money (which I earned, not her), and I'd certainly live in fear of having 1/2 of what I've worked hard for thus far in life be at the whim of someone else.

Don't think a prenup limits commitment. It just shows people are thinking rationally based on circumstances. Some, however, view rationality as the antithesis of true love.

Nice choice of words!!! And true, I believe, to a degree. However, one must distinguish true love from lust, obsession, void filling, temporary infatuation, etc. The best marriages are the ones where the partners are balanced. If you are a very successful entrepreneur and are looking for a true partner in life, it will be a successful, intelligent woman. She may not earn as much as you, but she would likely be able to support herself quite well.

On the other hand, if you want a hottie for a trophy wife, that isn't a good marriage, and you likely should get a pre-nup. I have an acquaintance that is extremely wealthy. He is on his fourth marriage. He gets a pre-nup every time. He will openly acknowledge that women marry him for money and/or security. He is okay with that because he is marrying for sex and companionship. It is a business deal and it works for him. For me, I could could never live that way.

Biggest issue, I think, is people don't talk enough about how they see their roles after marriage. It's all fine before hand when it's just about sex and having fun together while the "business" aspect of your lives are still separate. This is where rationality plays a part. If you expect your spouse to earn, and she wants to be a housewife, you will have a problem. These kind of things really need to be thought about before you swap rings.

[LarThaL]

Originally Posted by PNWM3

Mines fine with it all as long as I spread out the purchases about every 6 months so it keeps the car feeling new. If I did them all at once there would be no stopping me wanting the next upgrade. When we met I had an E60 M5 with a Dinan exhaust and Stage 2 suspension and she's already commented on how we should probably do that to the M3 as it really did sound awesome. I just slowly share with her my research until it's time and then she understasnd why a full exhaust is a better upgrade than just a slip-on...

This is what I do. I begin talking about it first for a while so when it actually happens it isn't a total surprise.

[immiketoo]

OMG YOUR AVATAR!!!! Full OF win!

Fvcking outstanding!

[Brainofjjj]

Great thread.

I got lucky. I'm in my late 30's and have been accumulating cars for several years. My soon to be wife's entire family is into racing so she grew up at the track. When we started dating she came to my races (Chumpcar and Lemons) and was right at home. She drove my Elise and I bought her an FJ so she can mod it. Works pretty well although she's said "NO PARTS!" until the wedding in March.
Well I just ordered some KW springs from IND but she won't be here when they arrive and I doubt she'll notice the drop.

So long as the wedding and honeymoon are paid for it's no big deal.

Her background goes a long way since she "gets it"

[Radiation Joe]

Ha! Ha!

I've been lucky. When I told my first wife I wanted to dump about $10k into my 1990 Taurus SHO with 160k miles on it, she suggested I dump $10k into my race car. Even so, I had to let her go.

My soon to be second wife, doesn't like the M3 because it's a manual, but liked to drive the earlier DCT car when I had that. Her fav was the RS6 with 500 or so hp. She keeps urging me on to get either an S8 or Panamera. She helps me brew beer, encourages me to spend time at the track and has a better sex drive than a pornstar.

Eat your hearts out.

[dagolfpro]

Originally Posted by Jaypod

The highlighted point pretty much some it up.........

I am married and pretty much do what I want with my disposable income and my wife does the same with hers. The key is we trust each other and know we wont spend beyond our means and doing anything stupid that would hurt us financially. As it has already been said its about thresholds and give and take.

This is a great way to go, as I also do the same.

Guys who are not married do not understand as you have only yourself to answer to. For all you single guys, image sharing your finances with your parents and doing something without consulting them, see what would happen then when you drop $$$$ on and Akropovic exhaust or HRE wheels....

Im not saying being married is like being with your parents, I'm simply trying to give a hypothetical situation or analogy.

[frenchM3dreamer]

like everything else, it's all about how much you spend vs. how much you make...
i make 90% of our household income for now (fiancee is a student), she bitches a little bit when i buy mods for the car, but not to the point that she will really give me shit...
as long as the mortgage is paid (and some), taxes, food, credit cards, helping family, then i'm good
and when i giggle like a 16-y-o girl at a Justin Bieber's concert while flooring it and listening to my exhaust / intake, she looks at me and thinks i'm a little retarded
i just tell her "boys will be boys, just the toys get bigger!"

she knows i'm a car nut... she likes fancy houses... to each his/her own

[schnell325]

As long as I keep my wife's 335xi running smoothly, I can do whatever I want!

God, I hope she doesn't read this!!

[Chowster]

OP, back to your original question... your wife won't notice a Dinan Stage 1 suspension. 99% of 3 series drivers wouldn't either. But you sure will!

Sharing spending and money with our significant others is totally dependent on everyone's individual financial and personal situation. Everyone has their own strategy that works (and lots that don't work!). Hopefully your wife is understanding of your passion for cars and M cars. Good luck!

[Nati Beastcat]

Originally Posted by Brainofjjj

Great thread.

I got lucky. I'm in my late 30's and have been accumulating cars for several years. My soon to be wife's entire family is into racing so she grew up at the track. When we started dating she came to my races (Chumpcar and Lemons) and was right at home. She drove my Elise and I bought her an FJ so she can mod it. Works pretty well although she's said "NO PARTS!" until the wedding in March.
Well I just ordered some KW springs from IND but she won't be here when they arrive and I doubt she'll notice the drop.

So long as the wedding and honeymoon are paid for it's no big deal.

Her background goes a long way since she "gets it"

Ha ha ha.. Hey! Here he is guys.... The forum member that actually gave me the idea for this thread thanks again for the exhaust. IND did a perfect job, It's exactly what I wanted.

[shay2nak]

haha! wow...that's why I'm still single. I'll get married when I buy all my toys.

yeah, as long as the mods are not cosmetic, you can get away with them.

[avex8]

i told my wife i'll buy her shoes and bag if i can get new set of rims. she is happy and i am happy lol

[BimmerRob08]

I've learned to just say, "if I have to explain this to you, you'll never understand" I've only known two women that love hot cars and are all for it. One is a good friend (co-worker) the other I made love to her on the hood of my M3 and she was all about it. My ex-wife? A damn selfish bitch that thought a car is only a means to get from point A to point B.

Do what you want man, if she understands, then great, if not, you'll never make her understand. Good luck!

[shay2nak]

Originally Posted by jakerx8

i told my wife i'll buy her shoes and bag if i can get new set of rims. she is happy and i am happy lol

yes, forgot about how wonderful bribery is. haha!