Arranged Marriages?

[shah269]

Arranged Marriages?

I’ve often joked with my friends from Saudi and the Near East about this.
As in “Why are you afraid of going home to visit mom? Afraid of arriving and discovering that you arrived a married man?”

I’m from Iran and it’s somewhat prevalent in my culture though from what I’m told it’s becoming less and less the norm.
For those of you who are from cultures where such a practice exists, what are your thoughts? Are you worried? Are you ok with it? Do you have any control over who you are matched up with?

I’m just curious regarding your thoughts.

A little about me, my grandmother did try before I met my x wife…and just last year I accidentally met the girl I was to marry on Facebook…and we became friends and well I have to say grandma was…..right on….I actually do regret turning it down. Nothing is 100% but Mina is 100% the kind of girl i usually go for. Educated, athletic and fun. Shame she lives in Iran and I live here...I would really have liked to take her out on a date.

But enough about me....how about you who are from these cultures. What are your thougths, and concerns?

[Maestro]

The friends I know from Iran were more concerned about going home because the mandatory Military Service. They got the exemption since they went to college but since they were out of college and had not put in their 2 yrs if they went back they could be drafted. I know my one friend paid $10K to avoid it when he went back to visit family.

[shah269]

Same here...I don't want to drop $10k go be a tourist.
But I know my friends from Saudi, India and Pakistan....are always a little scared when they go home...they are all affraid they may leave single and arrive at their destination married!

"Welcome home Syed, grab your bags and your new wife and let's go out for some tea."

[kevinbahnz]

so whats Mina's FB name? lolz j/k. I'm 37 also and from an asian country that used to practice these arranged marriages. I've been in america for so long It doesn't concern me or do I worry about it. Our tradition is broken and becoming more Americanized. I have 2 kids a 16 yr old boy and a 5 year old girl although I want the best for them including telling them who to date or not to date(when they're old enough 18+) because you know father knows best right? But my father brought us to America so we could be free.

[shah269]

so you and your wife....you guys did the american thing? or was it an arranged thing?

[kevinbahnz]

NO, no arranged marriages for me.

[upstatedoc]

this may be your best bet shah.

[shah269]

well...see that's what i want to stop doing...LOLing about it.
It's other peoples culture and just because I don't get it...doesn't mean i should be laughing about it....

I want to know what those in the culture think about it?

[MediaArtist]

Indian guy at my church. Been married 48 years straight, first time he met his wife in person was at his arranged wedding. They have 3 children, all smart, and capable people.

[MiddleAgedAl]

Originally Posted by MediaArtist

Indian guy at my church. Been married 48 years straight, first time he met his wife in person was at his arranged wedding. They have 3 children, all smart, and capable people.

Impressive to stay married that long, but I have to wonder, is it because the arranged marriage is better at bringing people together whose personalities happen to be above-average in compatibility, or is it because divorce is completely unacceptable in that culture, especially for that generation (guy must be well north of 60). If the kids turned out OK that suggests they dont hate each other, but still, that question begs to be asked..

[sanf]

the idea is blah.... but if the girl is hot. why not. just walk out if you don't like what you see and say you are not feeling well. lol

[amanda hor$t]

arranged as in you have to... hell no.

introductions/matchmaking, why not just another way to meet people.

[panicos81]

well here we have kind of arranged meetings, at least used to have. my mom and dad were introduced this way. the two families arranged a meeting, they got together, liked each other, and i popped out. many marriages were like this in my fathers generation and much more in my grandfathers. now its very rare.

as for arranged marriages, i'm against, i mean if you are gonna spend your life with somebody at least get to know her first.

[MiddleAgedAl]

Originally Posted by UMBC2015

To say that they would find an unattractive or unintelligent woman is absurd. So, I plan to have my marriage arranged by them when I finish graduate school (26yrs.).

They could find a woman who comes from the right "class", who is well educated, well mannered, and she could even be above average in physical attractiveness. Obviously they want the best for you. But, that is hardly any guarantee that the two you would hit it off, personality-wise.

I can think of several women who are smart, come from good family, who are even beyond my league, physically speaking, but whose personality I can't stand, and I wouldnt want to marry them if they were selected for me.

Do you have a say in who they "pre-screen" for you, or is it more like, you must marry this girl ?

Can you override and say no, then they go with #2 on the list of vetted candidates who come from the right class, and have good parents, etc.

Till death do you part is a long time.....

[PINeely]

Supposedly people in arranged marriages usually rate themselves happier than those who chose their own spouse. Marrying for love is actually a fairly modern convention.

[F1Venom]

Arranged marriages sound ridiculous and I am against. I dated two of my neighbors in high school and they might've been picked for me in an arranged marriage. I sure as hell wouldn't want to spend my life with either of them though. And isn't find the "right" one part of the game of life? I like the chase, being forced to marry someone at some point in my life would depress me and it would seem very daunting. Maybe if the woman were the daughter of some real-estate mogul or a billionaire, then whatever, lol.

[shah269]

Just wanted to say thank you for your thoughts guys.
Its very cool to hear peoples thoughts on the matter.

As for me, the girl well when i bumped into her on Facebook about this time last year (she was friends with my uncle and i recognized her but didn't know why)....she is 100%
Educated, MBA and a Masters in Engineering, well traveld and very cute. Would it have worked out.....isn't it just all a crap shoot at the end? Who knows?

But would I do it.....didn't do it then....and would not do it now. Just not my cup of tea....I don't think my parents know how kinky i am =) And if they did know.....oh boy...that would be very bad!

[shah269]

>>>It definitely can be a challenge if there are personality issues within the couple, but the way I see it, there's never an issue that can't be resolved.<<<

Brother hate to piss on your fire and don't mean to hijack my own thread but....you may wish to rethink this. A woman is not a house. The way she is on day 1 is the day she is when she dies. Women unlike men do not change. They are not "fixers" or "projects". Don't let anyone lie to you that you may "adjust" your partners personality.
She may hide a little of who she is on day one...but who she is is who she is.

Just be careful ok! =) And thank you for your thoughts!

[sasha1015]

Originally Posted by shah269

>>>It definitely can be a challenge if there are personality issues within the couple, but the way I see it, there's never an issue that can't be resolved.<<<

Brother hate to piss on your fire and don't mean to hijack my own thread but....you may wish to rethink this. A woman is not a house. The way she is on day 1 is the day she is when she dies. Women unlike men do not change. They are not "fixers" or "projects". Don't let anyone lie to you that you may "adjust" your partners personality.
She may hide a little of who she is on day one...but who she is is who she is.

Just be careful ok! =) And thank you for your thoughts!

lmaooo and men CAN change?
i think that BOTH men and women can change to a certain point. If youre in a relationship i think there are certain things that piss one another off and in order to make it work u have to change a little and make compromises.... its deff not a one way thing...

my thoughts on arranged marriages is that its just different... theres nothing wrong or right about it. its just a cultural thing... all of my friends that either had or were going to have an arrange marriage were fine with it and the ones that had it were happy with their husband/wifey... and their parents were married for like a billion years so i guess it has to work.

in my culture we dont have arranged marriages... but if we did i personally would not like it becase my parents would deff pick someone ridiculous who would probably be a virgin nerd + a bible hugger.... deff not my thing. lmao

[shah269]

Yes men can change....and we are easy to change.
You don't like how you man dresses? Go shopping for him and bingo presto in 30 the guy has gone from looking like a slob to a GQ model. Want him to smell good...same thing...want him to work out and get in shape.....if the gal joins the gym the guy is not that far behind. The same goes for eating well and hell even education.

You want your girl to get rid of those freaking granny panties and rock sexy unides....ha ha! Your kidding me right? Your wife/girl has the sex drive of a dead and decomposed nun…you want to get her libido going….and as a man you think you can do that…ha ha….better chance of meeting jesus! She’s uneducated and you really really want her to go off to university to make something of herself so that you and her will be in a better economic position….really have you tried stopping lava. Long story short and I hate to sound like a dick…but women make up their minds and that’s the way things go…..and if as a man you want to change her for the better…..either get a divorce and find one who already had those traits or just go find a mistress who wears only thongs and loved so cook for you in high heel shoes while asking you to taste test what she is making (FYI ladies, we men are very easy to please to keep).

That said for me personally arranged marriages have a very high ICK factor. My mom married my dumb fuck father via an arranged marriage. Needless to say he was a dumb fuck trust fund baby with no trust fund and it took her 13 years to smarten up and toss his ass to the curb. On the other it also pisses me off…I don’t know if you can tell or not but I don’t think too highly of engineers and scientists and I think even less of engineers or scientists who are from near asia and east asia. Maybe it’s the culture of showering with curry fresh soap and skipping out on the deodorant or the propensity to desire to be in total sausage fest parties and call it fun, Arab/Persian guys WTF is this shit all bout!?. But what I recall truly disliking about the arranged marriages was how one near asian guy put it to me….. “Why should I go out to bars and hang out with you guys or to hit on women? I’m just going to sit here and study really really hard and get my engineering degree and let my mom find me a wife when it’s the right time.”
1) That’s fucking lazy!
2) That’s fucking chicken shit!
3) Motherfucker you are throwing the fucking curve I need to keep my lazy mans 3.0 in engineering!
Now before I get all you fan boys panties in a twist I do have a point in my bigotry. If you never grow a set of balls and learn to deal with and accept failure of hitting on a woman and getting rejected, shot down, made fun of and turned into dog food in front of her friends…..what the fuck makes you think you will have the balls to stand and deliver your brilliant idea in front of a CEO of a major company? And what if said CEO or supervisor is a woman? And she rejects you…which she will 50% of the time!

And I really do appreciate all of your thoughts but well……I think in my opinion….dating, failing, falling in love, have your hear broken and all that messiness that is America makes us better people. For as we say in skydiving, “you are not judged on how you fall, rather on how you get back up.”
But maybe its just my very American centric view of the world of dating. But please please please don’t stop……I want to understand and I want to be less judgmental.

[Maestro]

I work with a number of younger Indians who recently graduated from college and they went home and came back with wife.

Here is my observation on this, a few of these guys I would say are okay looking, I would say handsome for an Indian, but they come back with a ugly wife (many look frail and weak). It is kind of like the parents of the ugly girl realize she is ugly and she may get stuck with a ugly street guy, so they find some older woman with a successful son in the US and arrange a marriage and offload the ugly daughter to some poor unexpected Indian guy.

[shah269]

How are they dealing with the culture?

*this will be offensive*
So looking forward to August when the heat is off in the building!