Massage Etiquette

JayKay335i · 03-03-2011, 03:44 PM

So I'm in for a full body deep tissue massage today because they effed up and called me last time as I was walking through the door that the lady couldn't make it. So here we are today. New lady that I've never had before. I'm looking pretty good, MILFS and shit checken out my junk. So I'm waiting and a decently attractive woman comes around and calls me. Interesting. I mean usually I get the same 300lb mexican woman for my deep tissue and she leaves me limping away. Ok so anyway.

I'm laying there on my back and the massage is above par for what this place usually gives. The womans semi hot. I'm pretty lubed up and shes kinda all up in my grill. Did some weird arm stretch and rested my hand on her tit. Interesting. Then shes down massaging my inner thigh and she keeps bumping into my dongle. And I mean it was out of the way. But if your butt naked and got a little towel covering your dongle and she keeps brushing against it and making noises you're going to get a chubby. So there I am laying on my back and I just bust out laughing.

Also, she was awesome, because she just shut up and did her work. I hate when the woman start bitching about their kids and their life. I dont give a fuck. I'm not a therapist. I just want a fucken massage.

So what do you do if the woman keeps touching your dongle and your wood turns the towel into a flag pole?

DougLikesBMW · 03-03-2011, 03:45 PM

Bang her....duh.

TK-421 · 03-03-2011, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

So what do you do if the woman keeps touching your dongle and your wood turns the towel into a flag pole?

Make her pledge allegiance

Verbiage · 03-03-2011, 03:47 PM

ROFL.

Verbiage · 03-03-2011, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

So what do you do if the woman keeps touching your dongle and your wood turns the towel into a flag pole?

Quote:

Originally Posted by TK-421

Make her pledge allegiance

Nice. You take that from somewhere?

Tondtar · 03-03-2011, 03:48 PM

.

.:bHd:. · 03-03-2011, 03:48 PM

lmao "get chubby." The whole time i was thinking of massagecreep.com

FDfranklin · 03-03-2011, 03:51 PM

hahaha that shit made me laugh.

I would have mad a move, did she have a ring on?

darkcloud · 03-03-2011, 03:52 PM

request that she either goes to work or to stop teasing your "dongle".

Personally I'm surprised she knew you were a man in the first place....

BTM · 03-03-2011, 03:52 PM

Should've told her about your bimmer

Verbiage · 03-03-2011, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkcloud

Personally I'm surprised she knew you were a man in the first place....

OH SANP!!!11!!!!

JayKay335i · 03-03-2011, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bavarian III

Nice. You take that from somewhere?

Nope

Quote:

Originally Posted by FDfranklin

hahaha that shit made me laugh.

I would have mad a move, did she have a ring on?

No ring. Said she was a nurse too but she liked this better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkcloud

request that she either goes to work or to stop teasing your "dongle".

Personally I'm surprised she knew you were a man in the first place....

I dont know how it works in the "other" states, but us dudes from the coast enjoy attractive woman serving us and rubbing us down

Quote:

Originally Posted by BTM

Should've told her about your bimmer

Told her about the Dr. thing

solefald · 03-03-2011, 03:55 PM

ask for happy ending

Tondtar · 03-03-2011, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

....So what do you do if the woman keeps touching your dongle and your wood turns the towel into a flag pole?

Then you *HAVE TO* choose the $100 upgrade package because Mr. Happy says so.

Verbiage · 03-03-2011, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

Nope

Wasn't talking about you. I was talking about TK-421 lol.

jlspeed29 · 03-03-2011, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

I'm looking pretty good, MILFS and shit checken out my junk.

CMONSON GTFOHWTS!!!!

soo...what happened after you bust out laughing? what was her reaction?
we all know there are some hella dicey massage places..dont be a fool

Wakka · 03-03-2011, 04:02 PM

Great post, I'm gonna start calling my junk 'dongle' from now on in tribute to you good sir. Go back there again and see if she still is trying to play with your dongle

JayKay335i · 03-03-2011, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jlspeed29

CMONSON GTFOHWTS!!!!

soo...what happened after you bust out laughing? what was her reaction?
we all know there are some hella dicey massage places..dont be a fool

This place isn't "dicey". Its in an extremely upscale shopping plaza with LV, Hermes, Bloomingdales, etc. But then again, you get the same amenities all the way at the bottom of the food chain and all the way at the top, if you get what I'm saying.

After I laughed she kinda stopped and looked at me for a second. I told her she can move it out of her way if she wants. She didn't respond and just kept going...

infinitekidM2C · 03-03-2011, 04:07 PM

LMAO

TiAg335i · 03-03-2011, 04:07 PM

Hot damn. That's a tough situation. I would guess the only thing I could do is laugh too. Or think about your Grandma.

Dackz · 03-03-2011, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

So I'm in for a full body deep tissue massage today because they effed up and called me last time as I was walking through the door that the lady couldn't make it. So here we are today. New lady that I've never had before. I'm looking pretty good, MILFS and shit checken out my junk. So I'm waiting and a decently attractive woman comes around and calls me. Interesting. I mean usually I get the same 300lb mexican woman for my deep tissue and she leaves me limping away. Ok so anyway.

I'm laying there on my back and the massage is above par for what this place usually gives. The womans semi hot. I'm pretty lubed up and shes kinda all up in my grill. Did some weird arm stretch and rested my hand on her tit. Interesting. Then shes down massaging my inner thigh and she keeps bumping into my dongle. And I mean it was out of the way. But if your butt naked and got a little towel covering your dongle and she keeps brushing against it and making noises you're going to get a chubby. So there I am laying on my back and I just bust out laughing.

Also, she was awesome, because she just shut up and did her work. I hate when the woman start bitching about their kids and their life. I dont give a fuck. I'm not a therapist. I just want a fucken massage.

So what do you do if the woman keeps touching your dongle and your wood turns the towel into a flag pole?

You do nothing....its a natural reaction. If she does something and then you dont stop her....well, what goes on behind closed doors.......

stimpy · 03-03-2011, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TiAg335i

Hot damn. That's a tough situation. I would guess the only thing I could do is laugh too. Or think about your Grandma.

I'd rather sit there full-mast than think about my grandma to bring the wood down.

03-03-2011, 03:44 PM	#1
JayKay335i Banned 189 Rep 5,046 Posts Drives: ///M323 DCT Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North Dakota; its best DUHHHHHH iTrader: (1)	Massage Etiquette So I'm in for a full body deep tissue massage today because they effed up and called me last time as I was walking through the door that the lady couldn't make it. So here we are today. New lady that I've never had before. I'm looking pretty good, MILFS and shit checken out my junk. So I'm waiting and a decently attractive woman comes around and calls me. Interesting. I mean usually I get the same 300lb mexican woman for my deep tissue and she leaves me limping away. Ok so anyway. I'm laying there on my back and the massage is above par for what this place usually gives. The womans semi hot. I'm pretty lubed up and shes kinda all up in my grill. Did some weird arm stretch and rested my hand on her tit. Interesting. Then shes down massaging my inner thigh and she keeps bumping into my dongle. And I mean it was out of the way. But if your butt naked and got a little towel covering your dongle and she keeps brushing against it and making noises you're going to get a chubby. So there I am laying on my back and I just bust out laughing. Also, she was awesome, because she just shut up and did her work. I hate when the woman start bitching about their kids and their life. I dont give a fuck. I'm not a therapist. I just want a fucken massage. So what do you do if the woman keeps touching your dongle and your wood turns the towel into a flag pole?
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03-03-2011, 03:45 PM	#2
DougLikesBMW Fapmin 399 Rep 2,660 Posts Drives: '03 E46 330Ci Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Plano, Texas iTrader: (0)	Bang her....duh.
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03-03-2011, 03:47 PM	#4
Verbiage Dismembered Member 3583 Rep 9,213 Posts Drives: F80 ZCP 6MT, R55 Clubman S 6MT Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: DMV iTrader: (6)	ROFL. __________________ My delivery experience and beach photoshoot here.
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03-03-2011, 03:48 PM	#6
Tondtar 12 yr old Juvie 1070 Rep 881 Posts Drives: His Mom Crazy Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: El Lay iTrader: (2) Garage List 2008 (RIP in 2011) ... [0.00]	.
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03-03-2011, 03:48 PM	#7
.:bHd:. Major 331 Rep 1,149 Posts Drives: E92 335i MT Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: So Cal iTrader: (0)	lmao "get chubby." The whole time i was thinking of massagecreep.com __________________
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03-03-2011, 03:51 PM	#8
FDfranklin d[-_-]b 484 Rep 968 Posts Drives: Ordered: 2023 G80 M3 6MT Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Tampa, Fl iTrader: (1)	hahaha that shit made me laugh. I would have mad a move, did she have a ring on?
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03-03-2011, 03:52 PM	#9
darkcloud Colonel 335 Rep 2,385 Posts Drives: 09 VW JSW Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: cleveland, oh iTrader: (2) Garage List 2006 325i [0.00]	request that she either goes to work or to stop teasing your "dongle". Personally I'm surprised she knew you were a man in the first place.... __________________ retired 06 E90 325i New: 09 VW Platinum Grey Jetta Sportwagen 2.0T SEL w/DSG, panoramic sunroof and Ipod adapter
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03-03-2011, 03:52 PM	#10
BTM Banned 479 Rep 10,309 Posts Drives: A///MERICAN!!! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: A///MERICA!!! iTrader: (11) Garage List 2007 BMW Z4 M Coupe [7.20]	Should've told her about your bimmer
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03-03-2011, 03:55 PM	#13
solefald Nigerian Prince 385 Rep 2,180 Posts Drives: '11 F25 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: San Diego, CA iTrader: (2) Garage List '11 BMW F25 [0.00]	ask for happy ending __________________ http://soundcloud.com/djtchort
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03-03-2011, 04:07 PM	#19
infinitekidM2C Major General 4206 Rep 5,728 Posts Drives: 2019 M2 Competition Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Orange County, CA iTrader: (4) Garage List 2019 M2 COMPETITION [9.50] 2008 135i (my old car) [7.39]	LMAO
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03-03-2011, 04:07 PM	#20
TiAg335i Trance Life 315 Rep 4,706 Posts Drives: 2007 E92 335i Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Long Island, NY iTrader: (4)	Hot damn. That's a tough situation. I would guess the only thing I could do is laugh too. Or think about your Grandma.
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