Why do people WANT kids?

[ddk632]

Originally Posted by Sara504

This is true. Im considering just being at SAHM

The best advice I can give you is don't.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by ddk632

The best advice I can give you is don't.

Some women were built for that and some weren't. The ones that aren't are typically miserable within a 18 months of being out of the work place. And by miserable i mean they crave adult conversation, adult interaction, etc... But usually don't get it because when daddy comes home he's all about the kids. Then it's time to put the kids to bed and there isn't much time for adult conversation because it's usually focused on what the kids did today and what not.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Some women were built for that and some weren't. The ones that aren't are typically miserable within a 18 months of being out of the work place. And by miserable i mean they crave adult conversation, adult interaction, etc... But usually don't get it because when daddy comes home he's all about the kids. Then it's time to put the kids to bed and there isn't much time for adult conversation because it's usually focused on what the kids did today and what not.

This is true. I was a "Beverly Hills house girlfriend" for the past 5 months and the only reason Im working now is because I was so bored at being home all the time. There's only so much shopping and watching tv and laying out at the pool one can do before she goes insane. There is no cooking dinner for him when he gets home because he'd rather go out to dinner every single night. So he bought me a puppy in November but that just wasnt enough. He let me start working and I love it. It gives me a reason to get up every morning and socialize with my co workers. Its great. Once the baby comes I dont know if I'll go back to work or not. We'll have to see.

[Billup]

I'm sorry, but I really like how you say "He let me start working again".

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Billup

I'm sorry, but I really like how you say "He let me start working again".

Ball and chain

[M_Six]

My best friend has a 17 y.o. daughter who is dating this complete loser 2 years older than her. The bum sits around playing video games all day and takes her money. My friend has tried to make her see what a loser/user this jackass is, but she won't listen to him or her mother. Has to be one of a father's worst nightmares. I suppose if she turns up pregnant it'll be even worse.

I never had kids and won't now, so I'm in no position to offer him advice. I'm just glad I'm not in his shoes.

[128Convertibleguy]

Originally Posted by Sara504

This is true. Im considering just being at SAHM

The best advice I can give to you is great, provided your spouse is fine with it, and that you have the flexibility to change your mind if it doesn't work for you.

There's been some people saying it's a bad thing. Here's the flip side. My Mom went back to work when I was quite young because it was financially required. Not "desirable" to maintain a lifestyle, flat out required. My sister and I were raised by a succession of housekeepers, which were very cheap back then in our city.

I attribute the fact that neither of us has chosen to have children largely to that. Just not enough quality family time for us to see the joys of a parent - child household. And certainly a distaste for two working parents, and being raised by hired help. They were nice enough, but the connection just wasn't there.

[chumley]

Originally Posted by ddk632

The best advice I can give you is don't.

Though there is no advice that applies to every situation, assuming you have financial flexibility, I could NOT disagree more - especially during the early years. Why on earth would you want to have some $10/hour daycare worker raising your kid?! They will spend more waking hours with them than you will during those crucial years. That is just nuts.

I see this every day at work. Kids get dropped off at 7:30am and picked up at 5pm. When they start school they get left in "aftercare". Sometimes they have no choice financially but more often than not it's because they value the ability to buy "stuff" more than who is raising their kids.

[ddk632]

Originally Posted by chumley

I could NOT disagree more

If you read my previous post on the subject you'll see I wasn't referring to early stages, infancy, even toddlers. But for 18 years? Kids go to school man, we are not talking about daycare any more when that happens.

[KingOfJericho]

This guy sounds like a trip...

[chumley]

Originally Posted by ddk632

If you read my previous post on the subject you'll see I wasn't referring to early stages, infancy, even toddlers. But for 18 years? Kids go to school man, we are not talking about daycare any more when that happens.

Agreed.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by 128Convertibleguy

The best advice I can give to you is great, provided your spouse is fine with it, and that you have the flexibility to change your mind if it doesn't work for you.

There's been some people saying it's a bad thing. Here's the flip side. My Mom went back to work when I was quite young because it was financially required. Not "desirable" to maintain a lifestyle, flat out required. My sister and I were raised by a succession of housekeepers, which were very cheap back then in our city.

I attribute the fact that neither of us has chosen to have children largely to that. Just not enough quality family time for us to see the joys of a parent - child household. And certainly a distaste for two working parents, and being raised by hired help. They were nice enough, but the connection just wasn't there.

We are financially stable to only have one income. As I stated before I havent worked since October of last year and just barely started working at the beginning of this month. All the money I make is "play" money. He still pays for everything and he likes that he is the "provider." His last wife was at SAHM. My goal when the baby comes is to Mother during the day and take care of the house and when he comes home, everything is done so that way he can just relax and play with baby and the dog or watch tv and drink beer whatever he wants to do. When the baby is older I may consider day care and start working again but I just dont know yet. If he and I ever were to split up then I dont mind working. I love to work. Its why Im at a desk right now lol

[AtlantaDude]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Its why Im at a desk right now lol

Working.....

Wait... Same here.....

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Sara504

We are financially stable to only have one income. As I stated before I havent worked since October of last year and just barely started working at the beginning of this month. All the money I make is "play" money. He still pays for everything and he likes that he is the "provider." His last wife was at SAHM. My goal when the baby comes is to Mother during the day and take care of the house and when he comes home, everything is done so that way he can just relax and play with baby and the dog or watch tv and drink beer whatever he wants to do. When the baby is older I may consider day care and start working again but I just dont know yet. If he and I ever were to split up then I dont mind working. I love to work. Its why Im ON E90 POST right now lol

Fixed that for you...

[Uber V8]

Originally Posted by chumley

I see this every day at work. Kids get dropped off at 7:30am and picked up at 5pm. When they start school they get left in "aftercare". Sometimes they have no choice financially but more often than not it's because they value the ability to buy "stuff" more than who is raising their kids.

I remember reading an article that the average father spends 15 mins of quality time with their kids per day.

When you really think about it, I can see how that's true specifically for father's.

Morning: father is already at work or getting ready for work, so doesn't have time

Afternoon: Still at work

Evening: Getting home from work, might ask how was school today, help with a little homework, kids takes bath and goes to bed. wash rinse repeat.

The weekends might be the only chance for quality time with kid (s), but then when do you get time to yourself?

*end of thinking out loud via web*

[Nkc]

Originally Posted by FwdFtl

I remember reading an article that the average father spends 15 mins of quality time with their kids per day.

When you really think about it, I can see how that's true specifically for father's.

Morning: father is already at work or getting ready for work, so doesn't have time

Afternoon: Still at work

Evening: Getting home from work, might ask how was school today, help with a little homework, kids takes bath and goes to bed. wash rinse repeat.

The weekends might be the only chance for quality time with kid (s), but then when do you get time to yourself?

*end of thinking out loud via web*

I spend a solid 3-4 hours with my son everyday excluding his numerous naps as a 6 month old. Both my wife and I do our work at home which is around 3-4 hours of work for each person per week. Of course, this is a special case and we personally take care of our child 24/7. Its awesome.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Fixed that for you...

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by Nkc

I spend a solid 3-4 hours with my son everyday excluding his numerous naps as a 6 month old. Both my wife and I do our work at home which is around 3-4 hours of work for each person per week. Of course, this is a special case and we personally take care of our child 24/7. Its awesome.

You work 3-4hrs a week?

[Nkc]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

I don't know man, I'm 32 and ever since graduating from college, I've been working hard and living hard. I got to drive a fun little sports car, travel all over the place, snowboard whenever I wanted to, golf every weekend, and go out for dinner many times each week - but now that I have a kid, I would trade it all for her. I don't have to, nor have I done so, but I would. If not having those things will make you miserable, then you're just not ready. But you can still trave the world with your kids, and you'll both be better off because of it.

You're in a thread filled with two types of people, those who have kids, and those who don't yet. I have not seen one parent tell you that they regret having kids or think they made the wrong decision.

The decision not to have kids seems like the easy choice, but it's one you have to be absolutely sure of because when the door closes, it doesn't reopen.

+1 Spot on sir.

Its amazing that I'm already planning all the things that I would love to be doing with my son as he grows older. Things like swimming, biking, basketball, golfing, snowboarding, gaming, travelling, camping, taking the dogs out etc and whatever he wants to do too. I try to stay fit so that I can at least try to keep up when he's 10 and i'm 40 or when he's 15 and I'm 45.

Aside from not being able to go out and watch movies with my wife, I really don't see any current downside of personal freedom. A 100" projector home theater does the job quite well. I always hated those dirty theater seats anyways.

Of course, we try our best to see our close friends as much as possible but as we all grow older, friends naturally drift a bit further as we all have our own families. I still golf with my buddies once a week and ball twice a week. It's all about keeping a balance and not shifting your priorities too much.

On the subject of regret. I honestly feel that having a child was the best decision that I've ever made in life. I found meaning for my existence and everything sort of makes sense now. Cheesy I know but just telling it like it is.

[MidwestGolfBum]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

You work 3-4hrs a week?

And so can you if you click this bullshit link...

On the topic of kids, I have none, eventually would like to have a child, though right now, I travel too much with work that I feel as though I would be doing a disservice to both mom and child.

[ddk632]

Working from home makes a huge difference. Not everyone has that opportunity, unfortunately. But it is awesome.

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by Nkc

+1 Spot on sir.

Its amazing that I'm already planning all the things that I would love to be doing with my son as he grows older. Things like swimming, biking, basketball, golfing, snowboarding, gaming, travelling, camping, taking the dogs out etc and whatever he wants to do too. I try to stay fit so that I can at least try to keep up when he's 10 and i'm 40 or when he's 15 and I'm 45.

Aside from not being able to go out and watch movies with my wife, I really don't see any current downside of personal freedom. A 100" projector home theater does the job quite well. I always hated those dirty theater seats anyways.

Of course, we try our best to see our close friends as much as possible but as we all grow older, friends naturally drift a bit further as we all have our own families. I still golf with my buddies once a week and ball twice a week. It's all about keeping a balance and not shifting your priorities too much.

On the subject of regret. I honestly feel that having a child was the best decision that I've ever made in life. I found meaning for my existence and everything sort of makes sense now. Cheesy I know but just telling it like it is.

Well put. I feel the same way.