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      04-20-2011, 01:34 PM   #133
NBRider88
I gave her my heart, she gave me crabs
 
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      04-20-2011, 02:18 PM   #134
Wakka
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A little long, but worth it. Break up letter:

"Dear Susan :
I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I
swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little
boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make
contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I
guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot
of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about
looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as
one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our
hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts
of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two
weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I
don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my
desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies
that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a
tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch
being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made
important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect
body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see
what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a
better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd
never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just
growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I
found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't
just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but
something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so
incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do
you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan,
I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of
you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year?
Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she
figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what
she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a
few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in
our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's
giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not
hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.
And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's
old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we
can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too.
'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on
the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never
used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on
her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in
general. She’s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really
is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times.
Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is
think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just
about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole
anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured
you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness
between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby
sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan.
In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just
wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can
you let me know where the remote control is.

John"
fucking awesome. I can only hope to break a relationship in such a way...

This one happened to me:

So i had been dating my friends little sister (First mistake) for a while. We kept it fairly secret because i didnt really want my friend to know i was banging his sister. She was really cute and had an amazing body. Anyway maybe two months into the relationship it hit me that this girl was straight up insane. If she would text me and i did not respond instantly... i was clearly fucking someone else. In reality most of the time i was just high and playing video games and forgot about my phone.

Anyway so i would respond to her texts like 10-15 mins later, and catch tons of shit about cheating on her ect ect. This would just make me ignore her harder, whatever the fuck.

4 months in... she calls me, completely obliterated. Tells me that shes sick of me cheating on her and whatnot... i tell her its probably time to end this bullshit relationship. She gets super upset and tells me that she has cheated on me. with not 1, not 2, but 6 dudes and one girl. All of this apparently occured over the course of one weekend (Thurs-sunday).

I was pretty stunned at this point. Damn! what a slut, her nudes that she had sent me (Quite a few actually, including a sharpie in the pooper shot) all went up to 4chan with her phone number and a story about her included.

She called me crying, and telling me i was an asshole. Told her brother about it too. Thankfully he wasnt really too upset about it, he was more pissed at her for taking stupid slutty pictures then cheating on his best friend.

He also later on got back at me by fucking this girl that i had been with for a while.

Needless to say we've both agreed to stay the fuck away from family/girls that we have attachments too.

inB4 CSB, Shitty story wakka, Wakka = worst poster
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      04-20-2011, 02:28 PM   #135
Kroy
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fucking awesome. I can only hope to break a relationship in such a way...

This one happened to me:

So i had been dating my friends little sister (First mistake) for a while. We kept it fairly secret because i didnt really want my friend to know i was banging his sister. She was really cute and had an amazing body. Anyway maybe two months into the relationship it hit me that this girl was straight up insane. If she would text me and i did not respond instantly... i was clearly fucking someone else. In reality most of the time i was just high and playing video games and forgot about my phone.

Anyway so i would respond to her texts like 10-15 mins later, and catch tons of shit about cheating on her ect ect. This would just make me ignore her harder, whatever the fuck.

4 months in... she calls me, completely obliterated. Tells me that shes sick of me cheating on her and whatnot... i tell her its probably time to end this bullshit relationship. She gets super upset and tells me that she has cheated on me. with not 1, not 2, but 6 dudes and one girl. All of this apparently occured over the course of one weekend (Thurs-sunday).

I was pretty stunned at this point. Damn! what a slut, her nudes that she had sent me (Quite a few actually, including a sharpie in the pooper shot) all went up to 4chan with her phone number and a story about her included.

She called me crying, and telling me i was an asshole. Told her brother about it too. Thankfully he wasnt really too upset about it, he was more pissed at her for taking stupid slutty pictures then cheating on his best friend.

He also later on got back at me by fucking this girl that i had been with for a while.

Needless to say we've both agreed to stay the fuck away from family/girls that we have attachments too.

inB4 CSB, Shitty story wakka, Wakka = worst poster
oh snap, so sharpieinthebutt girl was bestfriend's sister? tv was never as interesting as ot is. wtf was she on that weekend? did she mix up ecstasy with roofies?

a little too late for waka=worseposter. that tag's gotta be in every single thread you post in lol.


@ wakkayunoflokkamycocka
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      04-20-2011, 02:30 PM   #136
Verbiage
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oh snap, so sharpieinthebutt girl was bestfriend's sister? tv was never as interesting as ot is. wtf was she on that weekend? did she mix up ecstasy with roofies?

a little too late for waka=worseposter. that tag's gotta be in every single thread you post in lol.


@ wakkayunoflokkamycocka
That's what I said lmao. Sheesh wakka flocka.
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      04-20-2011, 02:35 PM   #137
Freakazoid
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wakka where are those pics man?
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      04-20-2011, 02:36 PM   #138
Wakka
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Originally Posted by Kroy View Post
oh snap, so sharpieinthebutt girl was bestfriend's sister? tv was never as interesting as ot is. wtf was she on that weekend? did she mix up ecstasy with roofies?

a little too late for waka=worseposter. that tag's gotta be in every single thread you post in lol.


@ wakkayunoflokkamycocka
yes sharpie in butt girl is my best friends little sister. Apparently 2 of the guys were roommates so she cleared 2 dudes fairly quickly.

There was also a time i drove her up to her best friends college and when i picked her back up at the end of the weekend she had a terrible confession to make.

She had made out with some dude and almost blown him apparently... but his dick was too small.

She gave me some seriously solid road head on the way back to make up for it. I will give her props on her blow job skills. They will get that woman far in life.
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Entourage sucks. BTM hates everything
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      04-20-2011, 02:38 PM   #139
Wakka
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wakka where are those pics man?
all over the place brah, they're on a different computer so send me a PM about it and ill get around to it.
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      04-20-2011, 02:50 PM   #140
CollinsE90
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I never saw the sharpie pic
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      04-20-2011, 03:18 PM   #141
tHegeRm
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I'm no where near the pro (like some here) but here is my one story.

Dated this chick I met a Knott's Berry Farm here in SoCal, nothing serious we would hang out at the park and occasionally I'd get my d#$k sucked on Kingdom of the Dinosaurs. She was a big time slut tho, running into random dudes she'd sucked off on a random basis all while at the theme park still. The long and short was I caught her at the park with some other dude and caught her giving him head on the same god damned ride. My friends tell me on the ride I should go throw my drink on them. I decide I'm just not gonna talk to the girl anymore, this was before the cell phone age (at least for teens) so I just happened to have this girls address and the knowledge that her birthday was coming up. So spend the next week keep all the dog shit in the backyard into a bucket and I fill a box with it. Taking care to seal it up really good before I wrap it in Dalmation print wrapping paper and ship it on over to her, with her friends return address. Unfortunately this is one of those pranks you'll never know if it worked out I just cross my fingers that she was sitting in her living room opening presents on her 16th birthday with all her family around.
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      04-20-2011, 03:25 PM   #142
bmwmthree
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In reality most of the time i was just high and playing video games and forgot about my phone.
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      04-20-2011, 04:30 PM   #143
Kroy
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yes sharpie in butt girl is my best friends little sister. Apparently 2 of the guys were roommates so she cleared 2 dudes fairly quickly.

There was also a time i drove her up to her best friends college and when i picked her back up at the end of the weekend she had a terrible confession to make.

She had made out with some dude and almost blown him apparently... but his dick was too small.

She gave me some seriously solid road head on the way back to make up for it. I will give her props on her blow job skills. They will get that woman far in life.
lol sloppy 7ths ftw. that's my new nickname for her. pretty clever if i say so myself.

glad you're over that beezy though.

Last edited by Kroy; 04-20-2011 at 04:37 PM.
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      04-20-2011, 04:39 PM   #144
Wakka
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lol sloppy 7ths ftw. that's my new nickname for her. pretty clever if i say so myself.

glad you're over that beezy though.
oh she saved me a huge headache honestly. I was thinking about how to dump her for a while without getting owned by her brother for destroying her life bla bla bla whatever she would say.

Then the bitch goes and bangs half of BU. I was in the clear.
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