FORUMS
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| 01-11-2013, 06:28 PM | #265 | |
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Major General
 
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| 01-11-2013, 09:37 PM | #266 | |
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Lieutenant
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We had just been to my parents house for thanksgiving where everything had gone very well, we had come back home and were discussing taking a long overdue vacation together to New Orleans and staying at a nice little B&B. The only hint that i had that things were going to shit was that she was just not passionate...but she is from Finland and Finn and passion....don't really go together...and also we were having less sex...but again...Finn and sex...ha ha.... Any how I was at the gym parking lot getting ready to go in and realize we had not had sex in a while and thought..."well i'll be a good husband and suggest we maybe go see a specialist." So I sent her an email stating "Girl this sex diet is not working for me and we need to talk about it." Her response was "Call our lawyer i want a divorce." It was mch like getting shot in the head. My only advice to any guys is what has been said...do not date below your means. If the girl does not have an education nor a career do not marry her and if you do get a good prenup. And no they are not rational beings. I use to tell my x wife time and time again "Do you act first and ponder the outcome later?" and you know what....that's about how well they work. Also, if you live out in the country or the burbs get your ass out and move closer to a large city quickly. The worse mistake i made was moving into the burbs. After a divorce you need people around you and you need a very good dating pool. Both things which are not available if you live in the burbs. |
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| 01-12-2013, 01:10 PM | #267 | |
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There is No Substitute
Drives: Audi A6, 997 GT3 RS, E90 335i Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mission Viejo, CA
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I guess the point about dating at your level (in terms of career accomplishments) makes sense if you're being calculative. Overall though, it seems like a big jump to go from good holiday gatherings to "I want a divorce". I feel like there is something missing from the story. Not saying you have to divulge all of your personal info, it just doesn't make sense to me unless I'm missing details, or your ex-wife was a psychopath.
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'13 Audi A6
'07 Porsche GT3 RS '08 BMW E90 335i  |
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| 01-12-2013, 01:45 PM | #268 | |
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Private First Class
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| 01-12-2013, 11:13 PM | #269 |
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Lieutenant
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My most important advice to all is if you are having even minor issues before you have a kid that is an indication of the fact that you are in a wrong relationship. Get out of it as soon as you can.
That was my mistake. Because everything gets worse once you have a kid. Before my daughter was born I noticed that my X didn't take responsibly around the house. I was doing 95% all house work. I thought I could do that forever. But I was wrong. After my daughter was born I continued doing most of the work. I work nights and took care of my daughter her until she was 5. Because my X didn't want to change her life style. I averaged 3 hour sleep a day for 5 years. Also I had just graduated from college when she was born. I wasted 5 years of my carrier. This would have been ok if she thanked my EVEN once for my sacrifice but she didn't.... I don't mean to discourage anyone. I just don't want others to suffer like me because we live a country where most of the laws were written over 100 ago. And these laws allows parasites like my X to live off my hard earned money for the next 25 years, maybe even more... |
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| 01-13-2013, 12:08 AM | #270 | ||
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Major
 
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I'll quote myself here, in case anyone missed it the first time. Quote:
Last edited by carve; 01-13-2013 at 12:28 AM. |
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| 01-13-2013, 06:24 AM | #272 | |
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Captain
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Don't end the marriage. Follow the vow you made when you got married, assuming that is you said until death.... (I don't know what religion, if any, you follow, but I am following mine to great effect...) I'm not sure what is making you unhappy, you only mention about her job and money.... |
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| 01-13-2013, 02:02 PM | #273 | |
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There is No Substitute
Drives: Audi A6, 997 GT3 RS, E90 335i Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mission Viejo, CA
Posts: 677
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This isn't a knock against shah, but for every guy on here who says "Woman are snakes, only go for women who are CEO's making $500,000 a year and have a great body", there are plenty of guys who married a normal girl from their neighborhood, or college, found their best friend for life, married them, and kept it altogether while having the best time of their lives. I just wanted to point that out for the young guys who think marriage is a death sentence. If you're looking for the right woman, and most importantly, you know what you are looking for, then it can work.
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'13 Audi A6
'07 Porsche GT3 RS '08 BMW E90 335i |
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| 01-13-2013, 02:05 PM | #274 | |
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There is No Substitute
Drives: Audi A6, 997 GT3 RS, E90 335i Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mission Viejo, CA
Posts: 677
iTrader: (0)
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__________________
'13 Audi A6
'07 Porsche GT3 RS '08 BMW E90 335i |
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| 01-13-2013, 03:02 PM | #275 | |||
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Hans X2
Drives: 2008 Z4MC Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, Vancouver
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Not taking anything away from the OP who obviously has had his life turned upside down. Condolences, really. Just not buying select 'tips for success' here.
__________________
 |Euro Headers|SS X-Pipe|REMUS|UUC|Zeck CDV|AFE Intake|H&R Springs|RPI Scoop|ZHP|AC Schnitzer Side Skirts|ESS DirectFlash|APEX|RE RaceBrace| the very last TiAg Coupe |
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| 01-13-2013, 11:14 PM | #276 |
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Lieutenant
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tip for success?
simple 1) Prenup 2) Don't marry a woman who is uneducated 3) Don't marry a woman who does not have a career 4) Don't marry a woman unless you have lived with her for a solid 2 years And remember if it goes to shit, and there is a good 50/50 chance it will. Society will blame you the the man for the failure. You cleaned the house and made dinner every night because she did not know how or wanted to? How dare you? It's your fault because you took away her sense of responsibility? You paid for her education and backed her up and supported her in improving her mind? How dare you? Was she not smart enough for you? She cheated on you? How dare you? Not fulfill all of her whims and be there every second that she wanted you there? And what gets me....it's one thing to hear this shit from women....because let's face it a woman can crash her car into a crowed of people killing dozens while she is putting her make up on while driving and other women will blame the crowed for getting in her way....it's when bros throw you under the bus and blame you....even if they are your best friend or so you thought...that pisses me off to no end. I know I hold the notion of being a Bro very close to my heart. A friend is going through tough times..I'm there...no judgement at all...I'm there! If you are going through a divorce or have survived one, don't talk to any one who has not been married....they will think you are lying. Don't talk to any one young...they just don't get it. And for the love of GOD don't you dare talk to anyone who is married..for in the eyes of a married man...a divorced friend is like a walking pathogen. As for me, yup got the note via a text. And no I nor any one of my friends or family had any idea what was coming. Perhaps her family did but they didn't tell me. |
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| 01-14-2013, 11:51 AM | #277 | |
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Major
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That's why I'm giving advice now- live and learn. |
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| 01-14-2013, 11:53 AM | #278 | |
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Major
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| 01-14-2013, 01:24 PM | #280 | |
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Lieutenant Colonel
 
Drives: Red Flyer Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: 38.8977° N, 77.0366° W
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__________________
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| 01-14-2013, 02:18 PM | #282 |
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Lieutenant General
Drives: MW E93 M3/E89 Z4 35i Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: The Valley, SoCal
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so the only way to get out of paying alimony is if she gets remarried or she disappears right?
Prenups are the way to go. If you don't pay alimony, i assume it's like any other debt? and simply hurts your credit/goes to collections right? Find a family member you trust and just give him/her all the cash you get. then claim bankruptcy. Should clear the debt right? I know nothing about alimonies :/. And hope to never need to find out
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 Next track day: http://www.m3post.com/forums/showthread.php?t=651089 Sorry I'm just someone who comes on here to fill a void..I dont have the $ to own a BMW. This is a nice E93:http://www.e90post.com/forums/showthread.php?t=434032 |
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| 01-14-2013, 02:55 PM | #283 |
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Lieutenant
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Like anything else in the world there are some common issues which can lead to divorce.
1) MONEY! Money issues will kill a relationship fast! 2) Family! Does your mom hate her or does her mom hate you? 3) Sex! No I’m not kidding! If you are ready to rock and roll every day and she’s a once a month girl….ha ha you are dead! 4) Predisposition to divorce…in the family, her friends or other. And all these apply to you as a dude! She may be a once a day kind of girl and you may be a once a week kind of guy? You may have issues with your job and be worried about money while she is doing well and you can bring that stress home and blame it on her. And you may come from a whacked out family. So assuming you have a stable job, come from a good family and match your partners sexual requirements then well things may be ok and there is nothing to worry about. But as any good investor / gambler (can you tell the difference?) will tell you. You should always make smart bets and if you can’t you should hedge and hedge well. So in this case the facts are the facts. What you should be looking for is a woman who is educated. Now if you are a high school dropout….forget about it. But if you have a masters she better have at least a bachelors in something slightly more difficult than say communications. This will allow both of you to have a common lexicon to pull from when it comes to communication. I have a masters, I have attempted to date women who have no more than a high school degree. It’s a disaster…ever attempt to explain odds to someone who can’t even do basic math? Next career. So you can speak a common language but if there are money issues you are screwed! So only marry a woman who is career minded and has worked hard on having a career. This simply means she is a long term thinker and can at some level work and live above the chicken heads and their drama. So if you do hit a tough patch she can see into the future and see that it is just that…temporary. And due to have a stable career she will help with the finances of life. Athletic. If someone does not care about their body do you think they care about their home or let alone their relationship? Note many of us divorced guys are saying we did the cooking and cleaning…it wasn’t because we liked doing it. Rather we were doing what needed to be done to live in a civilized and clean home. And let’s face it…if she starts packing on the pounds because she is preparing to hibernate for winter…you my friend will not want to fuck that thing and well we have issues. And you may wish to have a prenup. If you make any real money so that you have some sort of savings and or own assets…have a prenup. |
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| 01-14-2013, 03:18 PM | #284 | |
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There is No Substitute
Drives: Audi A6, 997 GT3 RS, E90 335i Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mission Viejo, CA
Posts: 677
iTrader: (0)
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__________________
'13 Audi A6
'07 Porsche GT3 RS '08 BMW E90 335i |
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| 01-14-2013, 03:19 PM | #285 |
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First Lieutenant
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Traits unhappy couples have in common
David Bakke never thought he’d get divorced. At the start of his marriage in 2006, the 45-year-old from Atlanta, GA adored his wife’s intelligence — and was magnetically attracted to her to boot. Nonetheless, soon after tying the knot, cracks appeared in their relationship. “I was a saver, and my wife was a spender,” Bakke says. “She liked to leave a big mess in the kitchen and clean it up afterwards; I liked to leave as little to clean up as possible.” While each disagreement was small on its own, “You’d be surprised what an effect it can have on a relationship,” he says. “Not necessarily the habits themselves, but the unwillingness of one spouse to attempt to change them. Many more than one of our arguments began with, ‘If I can’t even get you to put the toilet seat down, how can I ever expect you to…’” By 2010, Bakke was divorced, and baffled about how he’d gotten there. He was also worried about whether he could trust his instincts for relationships in the future: How could he know whether the next woman he was with would stick around? While none of us has a crystal ball, scientists have found that certain traits are common amongst those relationships that founder. Here are some of the most common ones to watch for — and what to do if you encounter them in your own love life. Browse Local Singles at Match.com on Yahoo! I am a: Seeking a: Near: Identifying the “four horsemen” of failed relationships Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute, has studied thousands of couples for decades. By dissecting every nuance of their rapport from eye rolls to shrugs, he can predict with 94 percent accuracy whether a relationship will eventually dissolve. Four traits turned out to be the most reliable predictors of a breakup (especially when they’re combined in some fashion), so Gottman named them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These traits include: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism involves attacking your partner’s personality or character by saying something like, “you never help with the dishes” or “why are you always so late?” Contempt involves putting your partner down (i.e., “you’re stupid for believing that”). Defensiveness often involves rebuffing your partner’s complaint with one of your own (“I may be late, but you’re way too uptight about it.”) Stonewalling involves clamming up and refusing to hash things out with your partner at all. “We all do all of these things — that’s not the problem,” says Katie Ramsburgh, a counselor at the Gottman Institute. It’s when these flaws run unchecked that they can drive a couple apart. To keep this from happening, all you need to do is learn some techniques to combat them. For example, if your partner says, “You haven’t been helping much with the dishes,” don’t immediately volley back with, “Yes, but you haven’t been pitching in with the dog-walking much.” Instead, hear what your partner has to say, and then acknowledge it. Replace negative generalizations (“you never make an effort with my family”) with constructive specifics (“It would mean a lot to me if we spent more time with my family over the summer”). Based on exit surveys, 86 percent of couples make progress on a major gridlock issue in their relationship using Gottman’s methods, which are taught to them in a two-day workshop. Enough about the bad stuff…what about the good? While couples tend to hone in on the prevalence of negative interactions to predict whether or not they’ll split, the prevalence of positive interactions is equally critical. According to Gottman, the ratio of positive-to-negative interactions should be 20 to 1 during normal conversations — or 5 to 1 during an argument. These results were echoed by Terri Orbuch, project director for the NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage Project at the University of Michigan and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship. In her research, she found that 67 percent of happy couples say their spouse “often” made them feel good about themselves, whereas only 27 percent of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The moral of the story: While you might assume your partner already knows you think he or she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re grateful he or she cooked dinner, it’s important that you reiterate your appreciation for each other often. Marital affairs are rarely the culprit Think infidelity must be the top cause of divorce? On the contrary: William Doherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota and director of the Couples on the Brink project, found in his research that the main causes of divorce weren’t the highly dramatic ones people might expect (like adultery or domestic violence), but rather the “soft” reasons, like “we just grew apart.” Doherty isn’t sure why this is the case, although he has his theories. “We think that it may be that the softer reasons are ones where they don’t have a lot of loving feelings anymore,” he says. “If your spouse cheated on you, you may still be in love with [this person], and still might ideally want it to work out. But if the fires have just gone out, that may mean you’re less optimistic.” The upshot? Don’t assume that just because you two don’t fight constantly or get in jealous spats that everything is OK. You two need to continue working on the “soft” side of your relationship, too. In particular, engaging in new activities together — from taking a Thai cooking class to salsa lessons — will add additional sparks. And here’s why: novelty drives up your levels of dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that’s also released when we first fall in love. In one study, Arthur Aron at the University of New York in Stony Brook asked couples to spend 90 minutes a week together engaged in familiar pastimes, such as dinner out or a movie. The other group of couples spent 90 minutes a week engaged in more unusual activities. After 10 weeks, couples filled out a marital satisfaction survey. Those that had gone on unfamiliar dates were much happier than the ones who had stuck with doing the usual stuff — proof that staying in love isn’t as mysterious as we might think.
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| 01-14-2013, 03:24 PM | #286 | |
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Lieutenant
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In order to get of of alimony : 1 - You should not have any assets on your name. But you can't simply transfer your assets to someone else and claim you have no money! This has be to done gradually and cleverly 2 - You should have low or no income. But you simply can not quit your job and don't get a job or get a very low paying job. You need to to prove to court that you unintentionally lost your job and you are doing everything you can to get a similar paying job but unable to do so. 3 - Another way id to prove to court that your X is making enough money now to provide herself the same standard of living (she lives with someone, or she is making more money than she used...) |
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).
. Now I understand why people’s life go upside down after divorce.
