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      01-10-2013, 01:07 PM   #243
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Picking the right girl from the beginning?

For the guys here who went through a vicious divorce process, in retrospect, did you see the signs that things weren't going to work out early on?

I have a few friends who went through crushing divorces, and one of the things they admit is that early on they saw the signs of potential problems, but they let something blind them (beauty, denial, imagined connection, etc).
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      01-10-2013, 01:20 PM   #244
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sorry to hear this....
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      01-10-2013, 01:37 PM   #245
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Originally Posted by MediaArtist View Post
For the guys here who went through a vicious divorce process, in retrospect, did you see the signs that things weren't going to work out early on?

I have a few friends who went through crushing divorces, and one of the things they admit is that early on they saw the signs of potential problems, but they let something blind them (beauty, denial, imagined connection, etc).
Yes. See my above (re-edited) post.

That said, you'll never find someone who's absolutely perfect. You just have to recognize the shortcomings and be OK with the possibility that you might not be able to change those shortcomings. That's why I won't date a girl, who, say, would be really cute if only she lost 15 pounds.
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      01-10-2013, 02:04 PM   #246
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Yes. See my above (re-edited) post.

That said, you'll never find someone who's absolutely perfect. You just have to recognize the shortcomings and be OK with the possibility that you might not be able to change those shortcomings. That's why I won't date a girl, who, say, would be really cute if only she lost 15 pounds.
Nothing wrong with dating an overweight girl. My wife was average size when we got married, then gained massive weight after pregnancy. Thanks to lap band now she's hotter then when I first met her. You know how people say "good looking girl but bad attitude" or "great personality but overweight" well I managed to get both good ones.
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      01-10-2013, 02:16 PM   #247
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Originally Posted by texasmojo View Post
Nothing wrong with dating an overweight girl. My wife was average size when we got married, then gained massive weight after pregnancy. Thanks to lap band now she's hotter then when I first met her. You know how people say "good looking girl but bad attitude" or "great personality but overweight" well I managed to get both good ones.
LOL- there's nothing wrong with YOU dating an overweight girl because that clearly isn't one of your needs. For me, it's a deal-breaker. Not only does it dramatically reduce my physical attraction, but it tells me something about the respect she has for her own body, her will-power, and how likely she's able to keep up with me. I don't want a girl who'll lose weight because i want her to- I want her to take care of herself because it's important to HER. If she can't take care of herself now, it's even less likely she'll be able to as she ages. If you're willing to accept that limitation, that's fine.

Last edited by carve; 01-10-2013 at 02:52 PM.
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      01-10-2013, 02:17 PM   #248
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Let me tell you how greedy my X is. When we started taking about divorce I made a generous offer to her. This was my offer:

1 – Let me buy you out on the house
2 – I will help you to buy a town house you like
3 – After you put down the money that you get for the current house on the new town house, I will pay for the mortgage until the house is paid off.
4 – I will pay the association fee, taxes, property insurance
5 – If your new town house need any kind of repair or upgrade (kitchen, bathroom, paint..) I will either do myself or pay for it
6 – Take any furniture you want from the current house. If you need any other furniture or appliance I will pay for it.
7 – I will continue to pay for every single bill you will have : Car insurance, cell phone, medical insurance, every single utility bill (gas, electricity, phone, cable, internet, water, sewer…)


Believe or not she didn’t accept it.

Then I made an another offer : Take the house which has over $300,000 equity and $200,000 cash on top of it. She did not accept it either!

Because she figured she would get more money through alimony ($3400 a month, 25 years (earliest I can retire) = $1,020,000 plus $67,000 in child support.

Guys, please don’t let your feelings effect your judgment. My X is the most irresponsible and the laziest person I have ever met but I never thought she would go after me so hard to get every single penny she can get from me!!! When it comes to divorce woman become greedy monsters because they feel that they will never find another guy who would take care of them. So they try to get as much as possible to financially secure themselves. The older the woman the worse this gets.
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      01-10-2013, 02:39 PM   #249
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My wife made twice my salary when I first met her.

I could have made out big time.
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      01-10-2013, 03:08 PM   #250
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carve View Post
LOL- there's nothing wrong with YOU dating an overweight girl because that clearly isn't one of your needs. For me, it's a deal-breaker. Not only does it dramatically reduce my physical attraction, but it tells me something about the respect she has for her own body, her will-power, and how likely she's able to keep up with me. I don't want a girl who'll lose weight because i want her to- I want her to take care of herself because it's important to HER. If she can't take care of herself now, it's even less likely she'll be able to as she ages. If you're willing to accept that limitation, that's fine.
How do you tell this to a girl?
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      01-10-2013, 03:09 PM   #251
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Originally Posted by carve View Post
LOL- there's nothing wrong with YOU dating an overweight girl because that clearly isn't one of your needs. For me, it's a deal-breaker. Not only does it dramatically reduce my physical attraction, but it tells me something about the respect she has for her own body, her will-power, and how likely she's able to keep up with me. I don't want a girl who'll lose weight because i want her to- I want her to take care of herself because it's important to HER. If she can't take care of herself now, it's even less likely she'll be able to as she ages. If you're willing to accept that limitation, that's fine.
It is one of my needs but most women naturally gain weight after babys and age. In the summer she looks great at 115 but at winter I prefer her at 125..lol. Off topic here but lap band is great! Skinny till death do us apart..
Its one of the best investments I've ever made, even over my lasik surgery.
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      01-10-2013, 03:14 PM   #252
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Moral of this thread is 1) Marry a rich girl 2) Don't have kids 3) Find a job at McDonald's
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      01-10-2013, 06:28 PM   #253
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Originally Posted by PSUSMU View Post
How do you tell this to a girl?
I don't have to- I only go out with them if I already find them attractive, so I only have to tell them how good they look

I went out with one girl I met online who carefully selected her pics to hide her body. She wasn't obese or anything, but much chunkier than you'd expect from pics of her face. Great chemistry, pretty face, lots of fun, super smart and active. I wanted to like her so I even went on a second date and had fun, but I just couldn't feel attracted to her. I didn't want to make her feel bad so I just didn't ask her out for a third date.

Last edited by carve; 01-10-2013 at 06:44 PM.
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      01-10-2013, 07:03 PM   #254
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Since you work in software development. Have you ever considered working as a contractor and not reporting any cash payments?
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      01-11-2013, 09:41 AM   #255
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sohcpunk View Post
Since you work in software development. Have you ever considered working as a contractor and not reporting any cash payments?
I thought about it but it doesn't work that way. I can not stop making alimony payments just because I lost my job. I have file t court and have to prove that I lost my job unintentionally and can't find another job. My likely the judge won't be convinced because this is the most common way of getting out of alimony. Maybe and only maybe after a long time of not having a job can give you break on alimony payments but during that time period you will still have to make the payments.
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      01-11-2013, 10:11 AM   #256
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All I can say is, I would wish these divorce judges getting a divorce and would get hit with a permanent alimony payment with ridiculous amount to see how they would feel.
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      01-11-2013, 12:46 PM   #257
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Not married and hope I meet the right girl so I do it right the first time. A few of my coworkers have gone through divorces for various reasons and they all express gratitude for living in Texas as apparently we have very good divorce laws, certainly don't require alimony for life ~5 years max. That sounds absolutely awful.
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      01-11-2013, 06:45 PM   #258
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I'm not scared of too many things in life.

A hurricane, WWIII, maybe a demon possesed baby with rabies would frighten me...

But this thread right here, scared shitless.

I pray that I never get into these situations and although no one passed away, I send my condolences to those who went through what you guys mentioned post divorce

Keep ya head up G's.
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      01-11-2013, 07:28 PM   #259
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Originally Posted by FwdFtl View Post
I'm not scared of too many things in life.

A hurricane, WWIII, maybe a demon possesed baby with rabies would frighten me...

But this thread right here, scared shitless.

I pray that I never get into these situations and although no one passed away, I send my condolences to those who went through what you guys mentioned post divorce

Keep ya head up G's.
Agreed. I cringed after reading this thread. I'm sorry that the OP had to go through it. I can only imagine how he must feel. This thread has given me a lot to think about.
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      01-11-2013, 10:37 PM   #260
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Originally Posted by MediaArtist View Post
For the guys here who went through a vicious divorce process, in retrospect, did you see the signs that things weren't going to work out early on?.
Me? No, maybe i had my head down and was working too hard but no.
We had just been to my parents house for thanksgiving where everything had gone very well, we had come back home and were discussing taking a long overdue vacation together to New Orleans and staying at a nice little B&B.
The only hint that i had that things were going to shit was that she was just not passionate...but she is from Finland and Finn and passion....don't really go together...and also we were having less sex...but again...Finn and sex...ha ha....
Any how I was at the gym parking lot getting ready to go in and realize we had not had sex in a while and thought..."well i'll be a good husband and suggest we maybe go see a specialist."
So I sent her an email stating "Girl this sex diet is not working for me and we need to talk about it."

Her response was "Call our lawyer i want a divorce."

It was mch like getting shot in the head.

My only advice to any guys is what has been said...do not date below your means. If the girl does not have an education nor a career do not marry her and if you do get a good prenup.
And no they are not rational beings. I use to tell my x wife time and time again "Do you act first and ponder the outcome later?" and you know what....that's about how well they work.

Also, if you live out in the country or the burbs get your ass out and move closer to a large city quickly. The worse mistake i made was moving into the burbs. After a divorce you need people around you and you need a very good dating pool. Both things which are not available if you live in the burbs.
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      01-12-2013, 02:10 PM   #261
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Originally Posted by shah269 View Post
Me? No, maybe i had my head down and was working too hard but no.
We had just been to my parents house for thanksgiving where everything had gone very well, we had come back home and were discussing taking a long overdue vacation together to New Orleans and staying at a nice little B&B.
The only hint that i had that things were going to shit was that she was just not passionate...but she is from Finland and Finn and passion....don't really go together...and also we were having less sex...but again...Finn and sex...ha ha....
Any how I was at the gym parking lot getting ready to go in and realize we had not had sex in a while and thought..."well i'll be a good husband and suggest we maybe go see a specialist."
So I sent her an email stating "Girl this sex diet is not working for me and we need to talk about it."

Her response was "Call our lawyer i want a divorce."

It was mch like getting shot in the head.

My only advice to any guys is what has been said...do not date below your means. If the girl does not have an education nor a career do not marry her and if you do get a good prenup.
And no they are not rational beings. I use to tell my x wife time and time again "Do you act first and ponder the outcome later?" and you know what....that's about how well they work.

Also, if you live out in the country or the burbs get your ass out and move closer to a large city quickly. The worse mistake i made was moving into the burbs. After a divorce you need people around you and you need a very good dating pool. Both things which are not available if you live in the burbs.
That's tough man.

I guess the point about dating at your level (in terms of career accomplishments) makes sense if you're being calculative.

Overall though, it seems like a big jump to go from good holiday gatherings to "I want a divorce". I feel like there is something missing from the story. Not saying you have to divulge all of your personal info, it just doesn't make sense to me unless I'm missing details, or your ex-wife was a psychopath.
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      01-12-2013, 02:45 PM   #262
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\ it just doesn't make sense to me unless I'm missing details, or your ex-wife was a psychopath.
First off.. sending an E-MAIL about such a thing? that could be a pretty big indicator of the lack of proper communication.. but still.. most girls these days cannot and do not want to deal with issues.. they'd rather just move on to something new.
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      01-13-2013, 12:13 AM   #263
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My most important advice to all is if you are having even minor issues before you have a kid that is an indication of the fact that you are in a wrong relationship. Get out of it as soon as you can.

That was my mistake. Because everything gets worse once you have a kid. Before my daughter was born I noticed that my X didn't take responsibly around the house. I was doing 95% all house work. I thought I could do that forever. But I was wrong.

After my daughter was born I continued doing most of the work. I work nights and took care of my daughter her until she was 5. Because my X didn't want to change her life style. I averaged 3 hour sleep a day for 5 years. Also I had just graduated from college when she was born. I wasted 5 years of my carrier. This would have been ok if she thanked my EVEN once for my sacrifice but she didn't....

I don't mean to discourage anyone. I just don't want others to suffer like me because we live a country where most of the laws were written over 100 ago. And these laws allows parasites like my X to live off my hard earned money for the next 25 years, maybe even more...
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      01-13-2013, 01:08 AM   #264
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My most important advice to all is if you are having even minor issues before you have a kid that is an indication of the fact that you are in a wrong relationship. Get out of it as soon as you can.

That was my mistake. Because everything gets worse once you have a kid. Before my daughter was born I noticed that my X didn't take responsibly around the house. I was doing 95% all house work. I thought I could do that forever. But I was wrong.

After my daughter was born I continued doing most of the work. I work nights and took care of my daughter her until she was 5. Because my X didn't want to change her life style. I averaged 3 hour sleep a day for 5 years. Also I had just graduated from college when she was born. I wasted 5 years of my carrier. This would have been ok if she thanked my EVEN once for my sacrifice but she didn't....

I don't mean to discourage anyone. I just don't want others to suffer like me because we live a country where most of the laws were written over 100 ago. And these laws allows parasites like my X to live off my hard earned money for the next 25 years, maybe even more...
Good advice, although caveat it that no relationship will be absolutely perfect. It takes work on both side. I'm SO glad I'm kid free though- my break will be totally clean. I think one reason I held out so long is that deep down I always had doubts.

I'll quote myself here, in case anyone missed it the first time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by carve
We DID do something wrong: we gave them all we could without setting boundaries on what is and is not acceptable behavior in the relationship, which made them lose respect for us. Next relationship, be just as giving, but make your needs clear and if she isn't willing to do her part, kick her to the curb. Pick a girl based on who she is, not who you want her to be. A partner and contributor is something I require, so now I typically only date seriously smart women who either already make decent money, or are in school for careers with that kind of potential. I'm on a few online dating sites and I make that clear right on my profile. I say I give a lot, and expect a lot in return and I'm looking for a partner- not someone looking to be taken care of. Boundaries set before we even meet. It's a nice cunt-filter.

Last edited by carve; 01-13-2013 at 01:28 AM.
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