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      10-23-2011, 06:35 PM   #199
panicos81
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so you killed her yet?
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      10-23-2011, 07:16 PM   #200
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humans are born to be self-destructive, getting married is one of them...
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      10-24-2011, 02:43 PM   #201
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so you killed her yet?
Were the OP's children fathered by other dudes?
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      10-24-2011, 02:54 PM   #202
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Were the OP's children fathered by other dudes?
nah, just the wife "dissapearing" would be a lot cheaper
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      10-24-2011, 04:00 PM   #203
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I can't speak for NJ, but here in Colorado, you can file and do everything without an attorney and having to show up to court.

My ex-wife and I were married for 16 years and when we called it quits, it cost a whopping $235. BUT..the fine print is that we had to agree on the splitting up of things, finances and real estate. Once we were in agreement, the way was a whole 90 days and we were out. If you can I would suggest doing the same thing. Give her a settlement to be happy and bounce....
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      10-24-2011, 04:07 PM   #204
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Lol take her on a fishing trip.
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      10-24-2011, 06:56 PM   #205
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Lol take her on a fishing trip.
Or skydyving
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      10-25-2011, 06:20 AM   #206
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Is it an option to try and settle out of court?
Assuming at 42 you have a decent 401k, mutual funds, IRA, etc.... maybe offer her enough money upfront that she leaves you alone when it comes to alimony.
I know paying lump sum is a pita, but most people are greedy and when they see upfront money they tend to take it.
I personally would rather pay it all up front then see it go out every month! I would get sick!

Now your kids on the other hand, I can see paying for and you should willingly pay for.

I on the other hand was wise in my marital selection, MARY UP!!!!!
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      10-26-2011, 01:39 AM   #207
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Thanks.

I called 6-7 lawyers and none of them offered free conculatation. Only 2 of them offer "complimentary" conculatation : fee becomes part of your retainer if you decide to go with him.

No offence to anyone one but I am beginning to think that there are not much difference between lawyers and thieves excepth lawyer do it legally
Finding a good lawyer is about as hard as finding a good wife.


A blind snake meets a blind rabbit. To figure out what kind of creature it has come across, the snake coils itself around the rabbit. "You're warm and fluffy, you have long ears, strong hind legs and a cold, twitching nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!"


"Right," says the rabbit. "Now let me try to feel what you are." The rabbit cuddles up next to the snake. "You're cold, you're slimy, and you have a forked tongue," the rabbit says. "You must be a lawyer!"
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      10-26-2011, 06:47 AM   #208
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Originally Posted by E92_SID View Post
Usually alimony is paid for half of the length of the marriage.
this

OP, I hope this is something that holds true in your case. You can probably always negotiate a settlement with your wife, but if shes smart, or greedy, probably not.

As others have said, get a good lawyer that specializes in these matters.
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      01-08-2013, 04:15 PM   #209
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Hi everyone,

Yesterday, I finally concluded my divorce. I felt that everyone should know as there is so much to learn from my experience.

The details of my situation is on the first page of this thread but I will briefly mentioned it again for those who doesn’t have time to read. I live in New Jersey. I had been married for about 19 years until yesterday. I have a 16 years of daughter. After a long and unhappy marriage I decided to divorce about year and a half ago. My X used to make decent money but she lost her job about 4 years ago and never look for a similar type of job since it required longer commute. Instead she took a job a few minutes from home paying 1/3 of what she used to make.

After long negotiations and mediator sessions this is the divorce agreement I signed yesterday : She will get PERMANENT alimony of about $3,400 a month for life. The only way for alimony to be terminated is if I or she dies, or if she get remarried, or I retire. Also about $700 child support am month until my daughter graduates from college. I will have to cover 3/4 of my daughter’s college, medical and all other expenses.

The reason the child support is relatively low is because my daughter will stay with me 3 nights a week. Otherwise it would have been around $1600 a month.

So as you can see if I totally f***ed for long time. I am 43, so I have 25 years before I retire. I am pretty sure she will never get married again since she will be getting more money from me than she makes.

There is a BIG lesson for everyone to learn. Although each state has different laws (NJ is the worst if you are the one giving, and the best if you are the one getting) if you feel that your marriage is not going to last much longer, YOU SHOULD TALK TO A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER. If I had known what I know now a few years ago, my loss would have been a lot less But it is too late for it now…

When I think about what I can do with the money she will get from me I go crazy. But lately I find a way to convince myself to accept it and look at it as “cost of my freedom”.

I hope no one has to give away their hard earn money to someone who is lazy and irresponsible like in my case.

Good luck to all!!!
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      01-08-2013, 04:50 PM   #210
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I don't mean to drop more stones when you are down at the bottom of the well already. The next thing that will drive you crazy is not the alimony, but a 'boy friend' of your wife living with her 'on-your-dime', but never marries her. Psychologically, you should prepare yourself on this nightmare scenario.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
...

She will get PERMANENT alimony of about $3,400 a month for life. The only way for alimony to be terminated is if I or she dies, or if she get remarried,

...
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      01-08-2013, 04:55 PM   #211
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Quote:
Originally Posted by achien View Post
I don't mean to drop more stones when you are down at the bottom of the well already. The next thing that will drive you crazy is not the alimony, but a 'boy friend' of your wife living with her 'on-your-dime', but never marries her. Psychologically, you should prepare yourself on this nightmare scenario.
She already has one And soon they will be enjoying my hard earned money having drinks at pool side at some fancy hotel/resort...
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      01-08-2013, 05:10 PM   #212
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      01-08-2013, 05:15 PM   #213
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First I feel for you, friends just went through this and it was not nice at all but the guy was nut case.

You know if your wife was not beating you it would have cost less just not formalize it. Come and go as you like and and pay the house bills and nothing else. If she wants new cloths or do something with friends she would have to pay for it herself. There is no law that says if you are still married or separated and living together you have to pay for extra, many guys put their wives on a budget.

Not sure if this was pointed out, do not loose you job, they will not cut you alimony as long as you have money sitting anyway. Also was she award half of your Retirement savings I know that is a common thing these days.
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      01-08-2013, 06:32 PM   #214
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
After long negotiations and mediator sessions this is the divorce agreement I signed yesterday : She will get PERMANENT alimony of about $3,400 a month for life. The only way for alimony to be terminated is if I or she dies, or if she get remarried, or I retire. Also about $700 child support am month until my daughter graduates from college. I will have to cover 3/4 of my daughter’s college, medical and all other expenses.
Man- that's rough. These laws are ridiculous in the modern era as long as she wasn't a stay-at-home mom forever. That's slavery.

I just got a divorce, too (and I'm much happier). 13 years together, but I got off fairly clean. She got half the cash and investments (about $150k) and I bought her out of the houses and cars for pretty cheap (little equity). The bitch tried to take me for every dollar I made after my fixed expenses though. I just told her I'd fight her until we both spent our last dollar on lawyers on principle alone and she backed down after a couple of months. Fortunately, she was weak and has no stomache for a fight, and she hired some lawyer with no family law experience on the recommendation of some friend. Dodged a bullet there, and I spent $5k on my lawyer. I think she's going to come after me for her legal fees though. She won't get it. I have an record of me offering her the same amount before I even got a lawyer.

So, what is it that you know now that would've reduced your losses?
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      01-08-2013, 08:36 PM   #215
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I feel bad for the OP, I mean to work so hard and give up that brand new car money every year to a female you are not even with, it has to sting.

I realize you shouldn't look at life like this, but its definitely something to consider as in life anything can happen.


On the other hand if you are seriously thinking about marrying someone you've been with, like I have its not exactly easy to bring up a prenup/post nup agreement.

you risk the chance of the other person taking it the wrong way, and like I said I am looking to get married soon, and I am more interested in the position i will be in a few years so maybe a post nup would be better suited.

Something to think about.
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      01-08-2013, 09:51 PM   #216
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
Hi everyone,

Yesterday, I finally concluded my divorce. I felt that everyone should know as there is so much to learn from my experience.

The details of my situation is on the first page of this thread but I will briefly mentioned it again for those who doesn’t have time to read. I live in New Jersey. I had been married for about 19 years until yesterday. I have a 16 years of daughter. After a long and unhappy marriage I decided to divorce about year and a half ago. My X used to make decent money but she lost her job about 4 years ago and never look for a similar type of job since it required longer commute. Instead she took a job a few minutes from home paying 1/3 of what she used to make.

After long negotiations and mediator sessions this is the divorce agreement I signed yesterday : She will get PERMANENT alimony of about $3,400 a month for life. The only way for alimony to be terminated is if I or she dies, or if she get remarried, or I retire. Also about $700 child support am month until my daughter graduates from college. I will have to cover 3/4 of my daughter’s college, medical and all other expenses.

The reason the child support is relatively low is because my daughter will stay with me 3 nights a week. Otherwise it would have been around $1600 a month.

So as you can see if I totally f***ed for long time. I am 43, so I have 25 years before I retire. I am pretty sure she will never get married again since she will be getting more money from me than she makes.

There is a BIG lesson for everyone to learn. Although each state has different laws (NJ is the worst if you are the one giving, and the best if you are the one getting) if you feel that your marriage is not going to last much longer, YOU SHOULD TALK TO A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER. If I had known what I know now a few years ago, my loss would have been a lot less But it is too late for it now…

When I think about what I can do with the money she will get from me I go crazy. But lately I find a way to convince myself to accept it and look at it as “cost of my freedom”.

I hope no one has to give away their hard earn money to someone who is lazy and irresponsible like in my case.

Good luck to all!!!
What happens of you get fired?
I mean it's not like you can print money
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      01-08-2013, 09:54 PM   #217
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my condolences
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      01-08-2013, 09:56 PM   #218
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My first recommendation to those who are thinking about divorce to talk to a few good divorce lawyer. The length if marriage is very important. The longer you stay married the more you give. If I had divorced my alimony would have been limited to 5-10 years instead of permanent

Also try to move your assets to your friends or relatives accounts. The best way to do is go to a casino and withdraw as much cash as possible and make it look like you lost in by gambling. Then deposit that money into your relative's account. Do this as many times as you need to every a few weeks.

Also it is always a good to have a separate bank account that she doesn't know about.
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      01-08-2013, 10:00 PM   #219
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmarei
Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
Hi everyone,

Yesterday, I finally concluded my divorce. I felt that everyone should know as there is so much to learn from my experience.

The details of my situation is on the first page of this thread but I will briefly mentioned it again for those who doesnt have time to read. I live in New Jersey. I had been married for about 19 years until yesterday. I have a 16 years of daughter. After a long and unhappy marriage I decided to divorce about year and a half ago. My X used to make decent money but she lost her job about 4 years ago and never look for a similar type of job since it required longer commute. Instead she took a job a few minutes from home paying 1/3 of what she used to make.

After long negotiations and mediator sessions this is the divorce agreement I signed yesterday : She will get PERMANENT alimony of about $3,400 a month for life. The only way for alimony to be terminated is if I or she dies, or if she get remarried, or I retire. Also about $700 child support am month until my daughter graduates from college. I will have to cover 3/4 of my daughters college, medical and all other expenses.

The reason the child support is relatively low is because my daughter will stay with me 3 nights a week. Otherwise it would have been around $1600 a month.

So as you can see if I totally f***ed for long time. I am 43, so I have 25 years before I retire. I am pretty sure she will never get married again since she will be getting more money from me than she makes.

There is a BIG lesson for everyone to learn. Although each state has different laws (NJ is the worst if you are the one giving, and the best if you are the one getting) if you feel that your marriage is not going to last much longer, YOU SHOULD TALK TO A GOOD DIVORCE LAWYER. If I had known what I know now a few years ago, my loss would have been a lot less But it is too late for it now

When I think about what I can do with the money she will get from me I go crazy. But lately I find a way to convince myself to accept it and look at it as cost of my freedom.

I hope no one has to give away their hard earn money to someone who is lazy and irresponsible like in my case.

Good luck to all!!!
What happens of you get fired?
I mean it's not like you can print money
Even if you lose your job you are still obligated to make your alimony and child support payments. In the mean time you can file to court to suspend your payments but it is a lengthly process. Also you need to ve able to convince the judge that you didn't deliberately lose your job to avoid alimony.
No matter which way you look at it you are f***ed if you lose your job
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      01-08-2013, 10:48 PM   #220
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
After long negotiations and mediator sessions this is the divorce agreement I signed yesterday : She will get PERMANENT alimony of about $3,400 a month for life. The only way for alimony to be terminated is if I or she dies, or if she get remarried, or I retire. Also about $700 child support am month until my daughter graduates from college. I will have to cover 3/4 of my daughter’s college, medical and all other expenses.
Holy shit. She just won the lottery.

She gets to sit back and not do a damn thing for 3400 a month PLUS receive 700 dollars for child support until she graduates COLLEGE? The 3400 is absolutely ridiculous and I really don't understand why you'd have to pay CHILD SUPPORT to her the whole time she's in college. She's an adult - you shouldn't have to pay the moment she turns 18.

Rough.
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