Extremely Depressed After Talking To Divorce Lawyer. Need Advice

[_Jono_]

Lol^!!!!

[mylydiamy]

I don't want to scare anyone but strongly advice everybody to be carefull.

If you are planning to get married, talk to a lawyer about prenup for your present and future assets.

If you are married and have a feeling that your marriage does not have a brigth future, start moving your assets : move your money to your thrustworty friends/family members, hide as much of your income as possible. And remember, the magic number is 10. After ten years of marriage, you are stuck with life time alimony in most cases. And do not let your wife catch you cheating. That would put you in deep sh%#.

[gonzo]

I don't read many OT threads anymore but read this one.
I feel for you fella.

Middle aged myself and have never married and no kids. Sometimes I want to or would like to leave a little gonzo behind but I just can't do it.

I witness couples that I thought were the happiest people on earth getting divorced way too often. It's no picnic and takes tooooooooooooo much work for myself.

IMO they all turn FREAKING CRAZY eventually.
Good luck and as said, get the nastiests/results lawyer you can afford.

Hang in there!

[ideliver]

Originally Posted by Greenkirby21

just curious, what happens if the woman makes more, does she pay the man if they get a divorce?

in most states...yes...my wife's friend pays palimony...she's a senior VP and he's Mr. Mom...

It's only fair...

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by ideliver

in most states...yes...my wife's friend pays palimony...she's a senior VP and he's Mr. Mom...

It's only fair...

Nothing about divorce is fair.

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by gonzo

I don't read many OT threads anymore but read this one.
I feel for you fella.

Middle aged myself and have never married and no kids. Sometimes I want to or would like to leave a little gonzo behind but I just can't do it.

I witness couples that I thought were the happiest people on earth getting divorced way too often. It's no picnic and takes tooooooooooooo much work for myself.

IMO they all turn FREAKING CRAZY eventually.
Good luck and as said, get the nastiests/results lawyer you can afford.

Hang in there!

Thanks. You are a lot smarter than me

The other day I read some statistics that I couldn't believe. 50% of first time marriages end up in divorce.

You may think that second marriages would be more successful because first one would teach lessons and you are more experienced. WRONG. 65% of second marriages end up in divorce. And it gets worse for 3rd and followings.

Again, I don't want to scare anyone but if I had known half of what I know now 19 years ago I wouldn’t have gotten married, regardless of who she was. I think the old fashion marriage concept does not fit in today's modern life style. And family laws are completely out dated.

Good luck to all

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

Nothing about divorce is fair.

BEST QUOTE OF THE DAY

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by ideliver

in most states...yes...my wife's friend pays palimony...she's a senior VP and he's Mr. Mom...

It's only fair...

Palimony is different... that refers to a domestic partnership that lasts for an extended period of time without legally being married. Since they both depended on each others income and shared the same living space they are considered indebted to each other. Even without being married.

What "I think" you are talking about is just alimony. Unless they never got married and he knocked her up and takes care of the kids. The person's sex doesn't effect the word.

[gonzo]

I think a lot of it has to do with the mind set of our times.
Me Me Me.
A friend told me a little one liner..
Women are like monkeys. They don't let go of one branch until another one is within reach. I thought about it for a second and found it to be pretty much fact from past relationships.

My folks married in their early twenties and I have never heard them yell or fight once. I'm sure they have their episodes when alone but I just think people these days are much different than older generations. Those statistics would be interesting to see.

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by gonzo

I think a lot of it has to do with the mind set of our times.
Me Me Me.
A friend told me a little one liner..
Women are like monkeys. They don't let go of one branch until another one is within reach. I thought about it for a second and found it to be pretty much fact from past relationships.

My folks married in their early twenties and I have never heard them yell or fight once. I'm sure they have their episodes when alone but I just think people these days are much different than older generations. Those statistics would be interesting to see.

Divorce rate is certainly getting higher as result of woman are having more opportunity to make living alone. That gives them confidence that they don't have to depend on man.

My parents have had unhappy marriage. But because of financial reasons they stayed together and have had miserable life. I am trying to avoid duplicating it

[ES_TRADER]

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Thanks for not letting me be wrong for thinking someone would tell me that. Also thanks for your support.

I am glad you chose not to fight and let her get whatever she wanted.

I am not like that. I always fight to death if I believe I am right.

I averaged 3 hours sleep a day for years to get to where I am. I started with nothing, literally nothing. I just don't want a lazy person like her to live with my money that I worked my ass off to earn

No offense OP, and i mean this sincerely, but do you think that maybe you fighting to death is what got you here in the first place? You know, women are seriously SERIOUSLY emotional wrecks...anyone who's married can attest to this but sometimes to "fight" them, you kinda have to Not fight...regardless of how right you know you are deep down inside....you get what i mean? I was like you before...always had to have my say and get my point across...if she said something i didnt like or agree to, i had to counter it.....the wife and I, we would just play ping pong all day long...until one day, i got sick and tired of all the bickering, i just said u know what honey? You are right, i am wrong...im sorry...and it was DONE...no more fighting, talks of divorce, etc etc..and its quiet now...women want to fight, cause drama or controversy, especially women in todays age...DONT give them the satisfaction...its not a matter of pride or right or wrong...most of the time, men are right because we have less hormones and think more rationally...but to voice your rightness to a woman that is your wife, you're just asking for it.

[ES_TRADER]

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

I don't want to scare anyone but strongly advice everybody to be carefull.

If you are planning to get married, talk to a lawyer about prenup for your present and future assets.

If you are married and have a feeling that your marriage does not have a brigth future, start moving your assets : move your money to your thrustworty friends/family members, hide as much of your income as possible. And remember, the magic number is 10. After ten years of marriage, you are stuck with life time alimony in most cases. And do not let your wife catch you cheating. That would put you in deep sh%#.

A good friend of mine just got married recently...i asked him if he got a prenup..he said no but prior to the date he transferred all his assets to his parents and had him named as the beneficiary upon their death....at the time of marriage, he had no property and $600 in his checking account and the clothes on his back

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by richpuer

No offense OP, and i mean this sincerely, but do you think that maybe you fighting to death is what got you here in the first place? You know, women are seriously SERIOUSLY emotional wrecks...anyone who's married can attest to this but sometimes to "fight" them, you kinda have to Not fight...regardless of how right you know you are deep down inside....you get what i mean? I was like you before...always had to have my say and get my point across...if she said something i didnt like or agree to, i had to counter it.....the wife and I, we would just play ping pong all day long...until one day, i got sick and tired of all the bickering, i just said u know what honey? You are right, i am wrong...im sorry...and it was DONE...no more fighting, talks of divorce, etc etc..and its quiet now...women want to fight, cause drama or controversy, especially women in todays age...DONT give them the satisfaction...its not a matter of pride or right or wrong...most of the time, men are right because we have less hormones and think more rationally...but to voice your rightness to a woman that is your wife, you're just asking for it.

I guess I misunderstood your comments. I apoligize for that.

I totally agree with you on avoiding fights. Looks like I have the same type of relation that you had (constant fighting, arguing...) That’s why I want to end it. But I just can not picture my life time hard work would eventually make her life better, not mine. It is really tough to swallow.

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by richpuer

A good friend of mine just got married recently...i asked him if he got a prenup..he said no but prior to the date he transferred all his assets to his parents and had him named as the beneficiary upon their death....at the time of marriage, he had no property and $600 in his checking account and the clothes on his back

Regardless of how much monet your friend had, he is a very smart guy. I wish I were long time ago...

[Augenbrauezug]

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

I thouth about the same. Is there any voluteer? I am offering 50K...

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

Thanks man. Options 1, 2 and 3 are suitable since our marriage is too far gone and I don't want to stay married. The longer I stay married the worse it will get as I will eventually have to divorce one day. 5 is not an option as I don't want to stay away from my dougther.

Option 4 is the best way. The only thing is I can not sit around and wait for it to happen. So I need to find a way to make it happen Just don't know how yet.

As you suggested I am trying to see as many lawyer as I can (each visit is costing $300-400 but I don't care)

So are you now offering 50k to bang your wife?

[MCS]

I know a guy going through a particularly nasty divorce.

He's a forex trader and made a lot of dough. HIs ex was getting so nasty, he literally quit his job to minimize her claim on alimony.

Divorce proceedings have been dragging on for 26 months and counting.

He's doing fine - just living off of his pile of cash (which I'm sure he's squirrelled away somewhere) I think he told me that he bought a lot of gold bars back in 2008 when the split was starting to happen and put them in various safety deposit boxes... Dumb luck

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by richpuer

No offense OP, and i mean this sincerely, but do you think that maybe you fighting to death is what got you here in the first place? You know, women are seriously SERIOUSLY emotional wrecks...anyone who's married can attest to this but sometimes to "fight" them, you kinda have to Not fight...regardless of how right you know you are deep down inside....you get what i mean? I was like you before...always had to have my say and get my point across...if she said something i didnt like or agree to, i had to counter it.....the wife and I, we would just play ping pong all day long...until one day, i got sick and tired of all the bickering, i just said u know what honey? You are right, i am wrong...im sorry...and it was DONE...no more fighting, talks of divorce, etc etc..and its quiet now...women want to fight, cause drama or controversy, especially women in todays age...DONT give them the satisfaction...its not a matter of pride or right or wrong...most of the time, men are right because we have less hormones and think more rationally...but to voice your rightness to a woman that is your wife, you're just asking for it.

Can we sticky this...? Every man needs to read this and understand it. I see this shit EVERYWHERE I go. Men with inflated egos thinking they need to prove their women wrong. When in the end, you always lose... whether you are right or wrong.

I almost never fought with my ex. Because her stupidity was so astounding that I would often enjoy saying, "you're right". Just to hold on to that little nugget to remember for later entertainment.

It's usually stupid men or men who have low self-esteem that choose to fight with their women. My ex's father on the golf course one day leveled with me. He said, "GP, I am gonna let you in on a little secret that took me 30 years to realize. The key to a successful marriage is as simple as two words. Yes, dear."

You are already the winner. Every day that you get to go to work and make money and sleep with your wife and hug your children is proof of just that. Do you really need to prove to her that the best way to get to the restaurant is by going straight at the intersection instead of making a left turn?

[M3Bahn]

While pru-nups sound great on paper, I bet most women would be insulted if you brought one up.

[ES_TRADER]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

Can we sticky this...? Every man needs to read this and understand it. I see this shit EVERYWHERE I go. Men with inflated egos thinking they need to prove their women wrong. When in the end, you always lose... whether you are right or wrong.

I almost never fought with my ex. Because her stupidity was so astounding that I would often enjoy saying, "you're right". Just to hold on to that little nugget to remember for later entertainment.

It's usually stupid men or men who have low self-esteem that choose to fight with their women. My ex's father on the golf course one day leveled with me. He said, "GP, I am gonna let you in on a little secret that took me 30 years to realize. The key to a successful marriage is as simple as two words. Yes, dear."

You are already the winner. Every day that you get to go to work and make money and sleep with your wife and hug your children is proof of just that. Do you really need to prove to her that the best way to get to the restaurant is by going straight at the intersection instead of making a left turn?

Yep this is so true...i used to make excuses or give reasons as to why i did something that got her mad...well, that would just cause her to respond and me not liking that response would respond again with something else to counter that response...it goes on back and forth.....now, when i do something that pissed her off, i just say "you know what baby, i fucked up...i really did, and im sorry ill remember it for the future." WHAT THE FUCK can she say to me now?? if she keeps digging at me and i got nothing to say, who looks like the idiot now? ahahahaha

[M3Bahn]

Originally Posted by richpuer

Yep this is so true...i used to make excuses or give reasons as to why i did something that got her mad...well, that would just cause her to respond and me not liking that response would respond again with something else to counter that response...it goes on back and forth.....now, when i do something that pissed her off, i just say "you know what baby, i fucked up...i really did, and im sorry ill remember it for the future." WHAT THE FUCK can she say to me now?? if she keeps digging at me and i got nothing to say, who looks like the idiot now? ahahahaha

Well... the other side of it is that if you don't stand up for yourself they will lose interest in you and think you are a wimp. I think you have to very carefully choose your battles.

[NYCGP]

Originally Posted by M3Bahn

While pru-nups sound great on paper, I bet most women would be insulted if you brought one up.

I'm sorry... does that make it any less important? If they are insulted then you should probably move on... however hard that may be to understand.

Whoever I end up marrying will be signing a pre-nup. Their life will be great and if we were to get a divorce they would be well taken care of. Pre-nups have this bad rep that make women think we are trying to cheat on them during our marriage and leave them with nothing. When in actuality a pre-nup simply maps out what would happen in the event of a divorce.

It is like not making a will because no body wants to think about dying.

[M3Bahn]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

I'm sorry... does that make it any less important? If they are insulted then you should probably move on... however hard that may be to understand.

Whoever I end up marrying will be signing a pre-nup. Their life will be great and if we were to get a divorce they would be well taken care of. Pre-nups have this bad rep that make women think we are trying to cheat on them during our marriage and leave them with nothing. When in actuality a pre-nup simply maps out what would happen in the event of a divorce.

It is like not making a will because no body wants to think about dying.

I'm just saying just bringing it up puts a hell of a look on their faces and you may end up not being in a relationship after.