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      08-31-2011, 05:04 PM   #45
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Another possible option, depending on your finances, is to make her an offer. This is obviously going to cost you a shitload of money on lawyers for both sides, plus the alimony itself, so offer her something like $100K Cash Now and no alimony.

It may sound like a lot of money, but you may end up spending that much on lawyers and wish you just did this instead up front.

Also, see if shes willing to negotiate with a Divorce Mediator instead of lawyers. Basically, you both sit down with a non-biased mediator/lawyer and come up with a deal that both sides agree. This usually only costs a few grand, and explain to her that all the money that's going to be wasted on lawyers is money you both worked hard to save and would be better if it was split instead of given to stupid lawyers who don't give a shit about neither one of you.

Only you know her, so take advantage to her weaknesses.
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      08-31-2011, 05:05 PM   #46
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Best of luck man, I don't know what I would do if I was in your situation.

But I'll tell you one thing, as a single person not married, this thread has opened my eyes about prenups or possibly not ever getting married.
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      08-31-2011, 05:14 PM   #47
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I have never been through this and dont know anything about the matter. But what if you go for marriage counselling, keep records that you suggested it. Then when she wants to divorce you can show you tried to make it work but she didnt. Might get some leniency from the judge then.
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      08-31-2011, 05:35 PM   #48
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Tell her to fuck off and move to a non-extradition country.

Take your daughter with you or financially support her on the DL.
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      08-31-2011, 05:41 PM   #49
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feel really sorry for you man. hope all goes well.

Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand.
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      08-31-2011, 05:54 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
Thanks. I hear you. But I am not sure if thsi will work. We almost got divorced 3 times before and decided to give it a more more try. And each time we ended up the same place where we started.

If I had done this 3-4 years ago I wouldn't have had to pay her ant alimony since she was making a lot more as I was making less (almost same amount of money). I could have gotton away with just child support which is not bad.
so if the judge can assume you can earn the same amount of money if you do quit your job now, cant he assume the same for her since she earned more some time ago?
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      08-31-2011, 06:24 PM   #51
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Send her to Cuba. I bet she'll never make it back. Bitches love Cuba.
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      08-31-2011, 06:29 PM   #52
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I know a guy.. Really.. Problem solved.
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      08-31-2011, 06:42 PM   #53
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Sorry to hear about your situation. Buying a new M3 every year is a hard pill to swallow. I hope you work things out.
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      08-31-2011, 06:42 PM   #54
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Ok this happened to me in 2003, was married for 21 years, ex sought out a different lifestyle IE sleep with other people. Live in Cali makes no difference. Here's the scoop and I assume NJ is a community property state. She gets half of all assets regardless, no arguing no changing. Child custody is based on interviews with the children if of age and of age is determined by the family court when talking to the kids no strict age in Cali. Once thats decided everything is based on a formula they plug your numbers her numbers and cusotdy figures and out comes a number that's what you pay. Any marraige over 10 years is considered eligible for lifetime alimony. under 10 alimony for one half the length of the marriage.
My specifics, self employed ex wife an ER nurse but only worked 3 days a pay period, kids were 13 and 17 at the time. Niether child wanted to live with Mom as she stated she wanted to move to BF Arizona and be a "hippy"(yes thats a quote). Ok my initial settlement was alimony of 4100 per month, ouch. We dug in and proved she should have to work normal hours as in 3 days a week so that effectively cut her alimpny in half, actually 2275 a month. No child support form me, she paid $150 a month to me.
Now the difference for me was I/am self emlpoyed and incorporated and she wanted no part of the business when I started it 10 years before the divorce, actually have that in writing from the incorporation. Since I could not afford to keep the company running like that financially I had to let all my employees go (only 4 people) but that also meant less projects that I could do, we drafted that up and appealed that and they cut it again to $1300. OK that I could deal with I guess. Well lo and behold when the time came for the divorce to be final she went and got remarried because as she stated she could not live on the $1300 and did not want to work 3 days a week needed additional income form some source. So I basically only paid her 7 alimony payments.
Long and short of it is the only way I know and I obsessed researching this crap back then was to prove she had the abaility to earn more money especially with the fact that the kids lived with me and as you see they reduced mine legally thru the courts from 4100 to 1300 based on her needing to work a "normal full work schedule" and me needing to cut back on work and travel since I had the kids. Taking a lower paying job, quitting etc will not work and only get you on the courts radar for collection, I strongly suggest you find a good family law attorney, one that is reccommended by father rights groups in your area and go that approach. You will have to pay but possibly not as much but the length is up to her. Hopefully she is as stupid as my ex was and only sees the short term. Oh and it was hilarious in one of our preceedings when my ex told the presiding judge/family law commissioner she wanted to live a "free sprited carefree hippy lifestyle" and the only reason she wanted to leave was she met someone who she was more physically attracted to. The judge/comissioner was a women and she just shook her head looked at me and said sorry to hear that. Also she had an absolute idiot for an attorney and a friend who is in criminal law knew him and referred me to someone in family law who hated the guy and loved sticking it to him. Good luck buddy, it sucks but can be managed and lessened with diligence and fortitude. Oh share nothing with her or your child about legal proceeding the attorneys can hash that out.
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      08-31-2011, 06:49 PM   #55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
Hello all,

I finally decided to end my 19 years of unhappy marriage (shoud have done it long time ago but it is too late for that). Yesterday I talked to a divorce lawyer ($400 for 1 hour consultation ).

A few words about my situation: I am 42 years old. I have a 14 years old daughter. My wife lost her decent paying job 2 years ago, and now making almost 1/3 of what she used to make. Although she could make similar amount of money that she used to but she is too lazy to take a job which would require longer commute. I make about 6 times more than she does. The lawyer told me I have to pay PERMANENT alimony around $3500 and $1200 child support (join legal custody, but my wife would have physical custody). This is like $56K a year as long as she is not remarried. It is like a brand new base M3 every year.

I was hoping 2-3K a month but for maybe 3-5 years, never thought about lifetime.

I worked my ass off to get to where I am while she was parting with her friends. Financially she will be better in situation than me if I can not do anything about it. I am so pissed off that I am even thinking about quitting my job (computer programmer) and just live on my savings for a while so that she couldn’t enjoy my money. I know this sound stupid but I am so pissed of that I am afraid I will not be able to use my logic. Just thinking about she is enjoying my hard earned money with her future boyfriend is enough to make me go insane . Now I understand why people’s life go upside down after divorce.

Anyone can give me any advice in order to reduce the amount or length of the alimony?

Thanks

You picked her. You stayed married to here for 19 years. What do you expect???

My buddy was just telling me today that he might have to fork over $6500 a month; and he's an hourly employee. What are you complaining about?

I gave my ex everything and walked away. No headaches, no regrets.

Stop whining.
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      08-31-2011, 06:58 PM   #56
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^exactly. Radiation Joe didn't have the will to fight, so he let his ex wife walk on him like a 7-11 entrance rug.

OP, best of luck to you. No one else deserves your money except for you and who you delegate it to (except Uncle Sam), so good on you to fight this. As a side note, I'm not planning on marriage any time soon.
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      08-31-2011, 07:05 PM   #57
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I'm not married, but I'll say this - whatever decision you come to, make sure it is in your child's best interest. A nasty divorce can really have a negative effect on your daughter, so make sure that is taken into consideration.

Also, have you mentioned any of this to your wife? I assume she knows of your intention to divorce, at the least. After 19 years, you two must have some common understanding in order to come to a mutually beneficial agreement - I can't imagine that she could be so callous as to take every penny from you.

And if nothing else, thanks for this post. As others have said, it has taught me the importance of a pre-nup.
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      08-31-2011, 07:07 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crimson92 View Post
geezzus...cheaper to keep her

x1000000

op: i don't believe in marriage (everyone i know has gotten a divorce except me cause ive never been married) thou i know i will one day, but seeing this thread makes me even a less believer.

gl
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      08-31-2011, 08:52 PM   #59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeeYaLater View Post
Another possible option, depending on your finances, is to make her an offer. This is obviously going to cost you a shitload of money on lawyers for both sides, plus the alimony itself, so offer her something like $100K Cash Now and no alimony.

It may sound like a lot of money, but you may end up spending that much on lawyers and wish you just did this instead up front.

Also, see if shes willing to negotiate with a Divorce Mediator instead of lawyers. Basically, you both sit down with a non-biased mediator/lawyer and come up with a deal that both sides agree. This usually only costs a few grand, and explain to her that all the money that's going to be wasted on lawyers is money you both worked hard to save and would be better if it was split instead of given to stupid lawyers who don't give a shit about neither one of you.

Only you know her, so take advantage to her weaknesses.
Thanks.

I thought about offering her large amount of money ($150,000). But lawyer does not think that she would accept it since she would be making this money in about 3 years.

As you said mediation is my only hope. If some how I can convince her to go mediator without talking to a lawyer, I would offer her 2 options : $2000 a month forever, or $125,000 one time payment. But if she decides to talk to lawyer first, I don't think she will accept either option. I am sure her stupid sisters would try to talk to her into talking to a lawyer first. But let's see. Fingers crossed
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      08-31-2011, 08:54 PM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panicos81 View Post
so if the judge can assume you can earn the same amount of money if you do quit your job now, cant he assume the same for her since she earned more some time ago?
Yes, that's correct. But she would use the excuse of poor economy and her field not paying as much as used to. But my field is still strong and pays as much as it used to before the financial cerise.
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      08-31-2011, 08:56 PM   #61
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SehrSchnell View Post
Man that sucks... and I thought I'm having a bad day f@cking up my new bumper...

I know this has been said before, but can anybody force you to divorce her? Just don't sign any papers... no idea how that works, but can you just be separated? It only becomes an issue if one wants to get married again.

Hang in there bro!

Thanks. If I decide to separate she would keep the house while I am still paying for the mortgage and other bills. And I would living in a shitty one bedroom apertment
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      08-31-2011, 09:02 PM   #62
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCGP View Post
Fine! I will be the first to say it. It would be much cheaper if she went on a trip and didn't come back...
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      08-31-2011, 09:09 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Radiation Joe View Post
You picked her. You stayed married to here for 19 years. What do you expect???

My buddy was just telling me today that he might have to fork over $6500 a month; and he's an hourly employee. What are you complaining about?

I gave my ex everything and walked away. No headaches, no regrets.

Stop whining.
Thanks for not letting me be wrong for thinking someone would tell me that. Also thanks for your support.

I am glad you chose not to fight and let her get whatever she wanted.

I am not like that. I always fight to death if I believe I am right.

I averaged 3 hours sleep a day for years to get to where I am. I started with nothing, literally nothing. I just don't want a lazy person like her to live with my money that I worked my ass off to earn

Last edited by mylydiamy; 08-31-2011 at 09:28 PM.
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      08-31-2011, 09:24 PM   #64
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      08-31-2011, 09:27 PM   #65
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insulin injections do wonders.....
Any volunteer to do it for me??
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      08-31-2011, 09:34 PM   #66
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Sorry to hear bro. Good luck and I hope things work out to your best interest. That is one of the reasons I do not think much of women. I will never marry. Like you, I worked way too hard for my money, for some BITCH to come and live off my hard earned money.
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