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      08-31-2011, 02:52 PM   #1
mylydiamy
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Exremely Depressed After Talking To Divorce Lawyer. Need Advice

Hello all,

I finally decided to end my 19 years of unhappy marriage (shoud have done it long time ago but it is too late for that). Yesterday I talked to a divorce lawyer ($400 for 1 hour consultation ).

A few words about my situation: I am 42 years old. I have a 14 years old daughter. My wife lost her decent paying job 2 years ago, and now making almost 1/3 of what she used to make. Although she could make similar amount of money that she used to but she is too lazy to take a job which would require longer commute. I make about 6 times more than she does. The lawyer told me I have to pay PERMANENT alimony around $3500 and $1200 child support (join legal custody, but my wife would have physical custody). This is like $56K a year as long as she is not remarried. It is like a brand new base M3 every year.

I was hoping 2-3K a month but for maybe 3-5 years, never thought about lifetime.

I worked my ass off to get to where I am while she was parting with her friends. Financially she will be better in situation than me if I can not do anything about it. I am so pissed off that I am even thinking about quitting my job (computer programmer) and just live on my savings for a while so that she couldn’t enjoy my money. I know this sound stupid but I am so pissed of that I am afraid I will not be able to use my logic. Just thinking about she is enjoying my hard earned money with her future boyfriend is enough to make me go insane . Now I understand why people’s life go upside down after divorce.

Anyone can give me any advice in order to reduce the amount or length of the alimony?

Thanks
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      08-31-2011, 02:54 PM   #2
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get her re-married......FAST
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      08-31-2011, 02:56 PM   #3
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Don't get divorced and just live in separate homes?
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      08-31-2011, 02:58 PM   #4
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      08-31-2011, 02:59 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swhat View Post
Don't get divorced and just live in separate homes?
Sounds like a better option, but if she is what I think she is, she'll rather have the divorce. I'm sorry to hear about this.
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      08-31-2011, 03:00 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by richpuer View Post
get her re-married......FAST
I thouth about the same. Is there any voluteer? I am offering 50K...
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      08-31-2011, 03:01 PM   #7
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Sorry to hear, it sucks, I know cause I just went thru this. Best thing to do is talk to as many lawyers as you can (free consults) to get different opinions. Typically with any marriage over 10 years, you're stuck paying alimony for the rest of your life.

Don't even bother quitting your current job, cause that wont bring down the alimony or child support. Judges assume if you were making say $100K/year before, you can do it again. Or else everyone would quit their high paying jobs, get a job at Walmart for $10/hour during the divorce.

For now, just get yourself busy with your kids, hobbies and get your mind off it.
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      08-31-2011, 03:02 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swhat View Post
Don't get divorced and just live in separate homes?
That's a possibilty but then I have to suport 2 homes since she doesn't make much money
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      08-31-2011, 03:04 PM   #9
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Always hope for the best. Prove that she has the capability of making more money but is too lazy. All really depends on the judge, I've seen it go both ways. If they award her anything, you can always appeal to superior courts to try and get it over turned or lessen the amount of the spousal support. Works both ways though, and the more both parties appeal the more $$$$$$ your out. So make sure that she doesn't try and get her bills paid by you. Sounds like you'll be in for a long battle, best of luck.
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      08-31-2011, 03:04 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeeYaLater View Post
Sorry to hear, it sucks, I know cause I just went thru this. Best thing to do is talk to as many lawyers as you can (free consults) to get different opinions. Typically with any marriage over 10 years, you're stuck paying alimony for the rest of your life.

Don't even bother quitting your current job, cause that wont bring down the alimony or child support. Judges assume if you were making say $100K/year before, you can do it again. Or else everyone would quit their high paying jobs, get a job at Walmart for $10/hour during the divorce.

For now, just get yourself busy with your kids, hobbies and get your mind off it.
Thanks. The lawyer told me the same thing. I guess I have make beleive for the rest of my life that my brand new car gets stollen once a year, and insurance doesn't cover it
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      08-31-2011, 03:05 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
This is like $56K a year as long as she is not remarried. It is like a brand new base M3 every year.

I was hoping 2-3K a month but for maybe 3-5 years, never thought about lifetime.


good luck partner, for what I heard the one with the best lawyer wins.
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      08-31-2011, 03:05 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
I thouth about the same. Is there any voluteer? I am offering 50K...
I might be interested, but i would need pics first...
you can't sell your car without a pic,
so you can't sell your wife without a pic
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      08-31-2011, 03:21 PM   #13
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you should definitely talk to more attorneys. the law is what your attorney can make of it and nothing is a certainty. depending on the attorney, your situation can result anywhere from you giving her a ferrari every year to her paying you!

-Research your attorney before consults
-Word of mouth is the best way to find a good attorney
-And never pay an attorney for the first consult unless you know for a fact that they are the best.

Lastly you should target an attorney who has some business/asset management background so they can also advise you on the myriad of ways to "re-organize" your assets leaving her with very little to fight this legal battle.
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      08-31-2011, 03:25 PM   #14
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I find it hard to believe at 42yrs old you just now find out how beyond screwed guys are in a divorce? Did you not see what has been going on around you divorce wise all these years?

Besides a good lawyer, seeing a counselor would be probably be a good start.

GL!
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      08-31-2011, 03:25 PM   #15
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and this is why hit men will always have work...
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      08-31-2011, 03:27 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MEMMEZZ View Post
you should definitely talk to more attorneys. the law is what your attorney can make of it and nothing is a certainty. depending on the attorney, your situation can result anywhere from you giving her a ferrari every year to her paying you!

-Research your attorney before consults
-Word of mouth is the best way to find a good attorney
-And never pay an attorney for the first consult unless you know for a fact that they are the best.

Lastly you should target an attorney who has some business/asset management background so they can also advise you on the myriad of ways to "re-organize" your assets leaving her with very little to fight this legal battle.
this
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      08-31-2011, 03:28 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post
Hello all,

I finally decided to end my 19 years of unhappy marriage (shoud have done it long time ago but it is too late for that). Yesterday I talked to a divorce lawyer ($400 for 1 hour consultation ).

A few words about my situation: I am 42 years old. I have a 14 years old daughter. My wife lost her decent paying job 2 years ago, and now making almost 1/3 of what she used to make. Although she could make similar amount of money that she used to but she is too lazy to take a job which would require longer commute. I make about 6 times more than she does. The lawyer told me I have to pay PERMANENT alimony around $3500 and $1200 child support (join legal custody, but my wife would have physical custody). This is like $56K a year as long as she is not remarried. It is like a brand new base M3 every year.

I was hoping 2-3K a month but for maybe 3-5 years, never thought about lifetime.

I worked my ass off to get to where I am while she was parting with her friends. Financially she will be better in situation than me if I can not do anything about it. I am so pissed off that I am even thinking about quitting my job (computer programmer) and just live on my savings for a while so that she couldn’t enjoy my money. I know this sound stupid but I am so pissed of that I am afraid I will not be able to use my logic. Just thinking about she is enjoying my hard earned money with her future boyfriend is enough to make me go insane . Now I understand why people’s life go upside down after divorce.

Anyone can give me any advice in order to reduce the amount or length of the alimony?

Thanks
I just went through a similar situation last year myself. Here is what I did:

I hired a top of the line lawyer (For the Denver area anyways) that specialized in fathers rights. Paid him 350hr.

I make just about 100k myself and my ex is on welfare so I thought I was going to be paying out of the ass however, I wanted physical custody and we were only married for 5 years so that helped me.

Every time I went to court my lawyer was already there well before me smooth talking the judge.

I knew my ex smoked pot so I asked the court to drug test her and she failed. Right then and there they awarded me primary physical custody.

Since I would be the primary parent the courts gave me the option to seek child support from my ex but I waived it. Now, I pay ZERO to my ex.

I know there are allot of other factors that differentiate my story from yours but still, I thought it might help. I guess the point of me telling you this is that the lawyer can make all the difference. You dont need the most expensive lawyer just one who specializes in this stuff.

I dont think you are going to get out of the alimony but forever is a long time. Usually alimony is paid for half of the length of the marriage. Child support should be greatly reduced if you can keep your daughter more often then not.
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      08-31-2011, 03:28 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MEMMEZZ View Post
you should definitely talk to more attorneys. the law is what your attorney can make of it and nothing is a certainty. depending on the attorney, your situation can result anywhere from you giving her a ferrari every year to her paying you!

-Research your attorney before consults
-Word of mouth is the best way to find a good attorney
-And never pay an attorney for the first consult unless you know for a fact that they are the best.

Lastly you should target an attorney who has some business/asset management background so they can also advise you on the myriad of ways to "re-organize" your assets leaving her with very little to fight this legal battle.
Thanks.

I called 6-7 lawyers and none of them offered free conculatation. Only 2 of them offer "complimentary" conculatation : fee becomes part of your retainer if you decide to go with him.

No offence to anyone one but I am beginning to think that there are not much difference between lawyers and thieves excepth lawyer do it legally
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      08-31-2011, 03:32 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by E92_SID View Post
I just went through a similar situation last year myself. Here is what I did:

I hired a top of the line lawyer (For the Denver area anyways) that specialized in fathers rights. Paid him 350hr.

I make just about 100k myself and my ex is on welfare so I thought I was going to be paying out of the ass however, I wanted physical custody and we were only married for 5 years so that helped me.

Every time I went to court my lawyer was already there well before me smooth talking the judge.

I knew my ex smoked pot so I asked the court to drug test her and she failed. Right then and there they awarded me primary physical custody.

Since I would be the primary parent the courts gave me the option to seek child support from my ex but I waived it. Now, I pay ZERO to my ex.

I know there are allot of other factors that differentiate my story from yours but still, I thought it might help. I guess the point of me telling you this is that the lawyer can make all the difference. You dont need the most expensive lawyer just one who specializes in this stuff.
Thanks. You were luckier as you were married for only 5 years. After 10 years it gets worse and worse. Mine is 18-19 years.

Maybe I should find someone who would get my wife into smoking pot

As you said the most expensive lawyer is not necessarly the best one. At this point I don't care about spending additional $5K as long as it can help me reduce the term/amount of the alimony.

Tomorrow I am going to see another lawyer who only handles family law (another $350). Let's see wht he says.

when teh lawyer told me I am in for life I felt like I got punched multople times by Mike Tyson when he was young.
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      08-31-2011, 03:34 PM   #20
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Hmmmm...assuming you have a lot of money, put enough for college into a trust fund for your daughter, hide as much as you can in a swiss account, get yourself fired, get a job that pays similar to your wife, find a low-paying job close to home, and tell your wife you'll look for a better job when she does.

She's probably doesn't like you any more than you like her, so once the gravy train runs dry she'll hook up with some other human wallet.

Are you self employed? If so, if you get remarried, 'sell' the business to your new wife and have her pay you, say, $20k per year. I know someone who has done this.


Or, if you want to try to make it work, I know someone this worked for.

Quit your jobs and sell your stuff. Buy a sailboat and cruise around the Carribean for a year. Start over.
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      08-31-2011, 03:42 PM   #21
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If you have to pay 1-2k in consultations to find out you may have to pay less than 56k a year sounds worth it to me.

When I get married, I'm making that bitch sign a prenup.
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      08-31-2011, 03:45 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carve View Post
Hmmmm...assuming you have a lot of money, put enough for college into a trust fund for your daughter, hide as much as you can in a swiss account, get yourself fired, get a job that pays similar to your wife, find a low-paying job close to home, and tell your wife you'll look for a better job when she does.

She's probably doesn't like you any more than you like her, so once the gravy train runs dry she'll hook up with some other human wallet.

Are you self employed? If so, if you get remarried, 'sell' the business to your new wife and have her pay you, say, $20k per year. I know someone who has done this.


Or, if you want to try to make it work, I know someone this worked for.

Quit your jobs and sell your stuff. Buy a sailboat and cruise around the Carribean for a year. Start over.
I hear you. Unfortunately I am not self employed.

But the lawyer said that even if I quit my job she would still get alimony because I have potential of getting similar paying jobs.

Life sucks
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