Originally Posted by BMWsky
Going through it myself, right now. Here are my impressions, YMMV:
I agree that the "yes dear" types are what kill most of us males. Screw that, I've never been that guy and I never will be.
Divorce is a negotiation, do your negotiating better than your spouse.
Your attorney works for YOU!!! Outline what you want and make it clear that if he/she doesn't deliver, you will find an attorney that will. You need to make that clear on the FIRST consult so you don't pay 15 different lawyers 15 different retainers.
Don't be afraid to be a prick, ever. During my marriage, I went above and beyond the call of duty but wouldn't tolerate being taken advantage of. There's a difference between doing the right thing and rolling over.
Document EVERYTHING just in case you have to litigate. I have notes, files, proof, etc, of everything I had to deal with.
In my particular case, my (soon to be) ex has a daughter from a previous marriage that is the main reason we're getting a divorce. My current wife has no job, and no income. We've been married 7 years which entitles her to a little over 2 years in alimony. We have a son together. I'm filing for primary guardianship and my wife was fighting me on this. I hired "someone" to put a program on my computers that can gain passwords used on my computer. I found out that her daughter has been dealing drugs, I presented that evidence to the attornies, and my ex is now accepting my position for guardianship. The reason that happened is because so much other BS was discovered about the daughter...and her mother knew about it, she's in danger of losing both kids if I choose to press the matter.
Bottom line is that my divorce is just about to be finalized and I am not paying child support and I'm only paying a fraction of the alimony she is entitled to. I got the house, cars, everything. My salary is a good one as I'm a managing director for a global bank, she has no income...but she now knows she has about 2 1/2 years to get a good job.
I know I come off sounding like a prick, but divorce doesn't have to mean the male loses his genitals. Stand up for yourself and fight for what you've earned, don't accept what your lawyer tells you at face value, you have MUCH more control over the situation than you think.
Like the OP, I work long hours as well...rather than spend the money on child support and have my son in a potentially bad environment, I spent the money on a nanny. We do have joint custody, but my son's physical address is my house.
FYI, I find divorce lawyers to be the worst form of humans on the planet; they have access to all your financials and know just how long they can drag things out to keep getting paid. My first meeting with my attorney wasn't the most pleasant for either of us, but I made it very clear he would have a "win" and what I expected from him...and how much I was going to spend doing it. If I felt that half way through the proceeding we weren't far enough, I would fire him and he would have to pay me back the remainder of the retainer.
Sorry for such a long post...I just don't want to see anyone getting raked over the coals unnecessarily.
To the OP, best of luck with your situation and feel free to PM me if you need anything.
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