Quote:
Originally Posted by Biorin
I don't think all these traits necessarily go hand in hand. Would I save my kid over my SO in a life or death situation? Kid can't help himself, boyfriend can, so, uh, yeah. Does this mean I'm going to give my kid everything and spoil him until he's a soft little boy with a victim mentality, and always side with him rather than my SO? Absolutely not.
Do I love him more than I do my SO? In a different way, but probably. I'm chemically designed to. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with my relationship, or that I can't fully love my SO. But perhaps that's just my experience.
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I didn't mean to offend anyone.
By life and death i meant if a psychopath held them both at gunpoint and said chose. Or if you prefer, a situation where both needed assistance and which ever one you assisted would live and the other would die.
Also, and again, no offense, but i don't think you really can weigh in on the spouse vs child thing. It's not as if you chose to make a life with your boyfriend, married him, then decided to produce a child. These were circumstances you were saddled with against your will. There is no other choice for a decent person than to make the best of it as possible. And while you haven't fully committed to each other, i commend you and your SO for making strides to build your relationship together. In your case, a child is the anchor of that and done correctly, i think the child can be the beneficiary as well. Marriage isn't for everyone one and i'm not slamming your or judging you for not being married. People have to do what works. But make no mistake, just being together will not produce a well rounded child. Your life, decisions, attitude, words, etc... will always influence your child and his character.
This last part leads back to my point. Children aren't dumb, they are quite intuitive and KNOW if you love them more than your spouse. They can sense this and exploit it when possible. But the worst part is that they grow up thinking that a spouse isn't as important as a child. Argue that all you want with being chemically designed a certain way, but in most cases this breeds a lack of respect for their future significant others or spouse.
A lot of people will say if you want to see how a man will treat you look at how he treats his mother. A better clue is to see how his father treated his mother. The same goes for a woman; see how her mother treats her father and you're likely in for a similar dose.
Of course there are exceptions to all rules so try not to take it personally.