Quote:
Originally Posted by Billup
This is some good input, and I value your statement. Being blunt, is also being honest. I still question if she is the right woman. I do have the satisfaction of knowing that neither of us would ever stay from one another, and she is a great person with a huge heart, she just tends to be a real bitch at times. I know she wants to get married some day, however, that road still has a lot of miles to be traveled.
How well do you both handle opposing opinions on certain matters? Raising children (if you have any), financials, etc?
Our conflicting ideologies tend to cause heated conversations that I feel should easily be handled with a few comments and let be done, but end up turning into 2 hours of nonsense.
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I think you raise a very good question, and one you've evidently thought about a fair bit - how do others handle opposing opinions on certain matters?
To be honest, it depends on the what the opinion is about. If its little stuff, then we can quibble a little, ultimately, its usually a compromise or one of us decides its not too important and the other opinion is conceded to.
But when it comes to the big stuff, its stuff we talked about and already agree about before we got married. IMO, there are probably four "pillars" that I would suggest both need to be aligned to, because if you are not, then I think it will drive you apart.
These are: Money (spender / saver), Religion, Kids (how many, do each agree on the type of discipline that will be used, etc), and Politics.
My wife and I discussed all four - for me, politics is completely unimportant to me, and its only moderate to her, but we do share a similar view anyways, and for the remainder, we are exactly alike and agree with each other.
And I think its these bigger things that you're really asking about - the little stuff doesn't really matter at the end of the day. I would seriously encourage you to push the matter such that before you decide on anything (ie. proposal), that you definitely agree on all four areas.
I'd still be a little concerned about a couple that disagrees on an area, but agrees how to resolve such differences in the future - that MAY work, but I really feel that both parties will (when the situation arises) not realize what they really agreed to do to resolve the situation and will ultimately want their way, or at least more of their way then what they originally decided to do to resolve the disagreement.
Best of luck either way - I mean that to everyone going through that situation.
But marriage is different from a healthy long term relationship. But I think in order to really understand that, you actually need to be in a healthy marriage (to the right woman).
I would argue this is somewhat similar to having children (I don't have any). Currently, I don't understand how a mother or father can feel such deep love for their kid once they have the baby (I just don't love babies). But I talk to everyone who has had children and they say its an amazing experience and something just changes in them (and I do see a change). So I recognize that while I don't understand it, I believe that it will likely happen when I have my own.