[jasonn]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

This.

Let me ask the OP this question: If you were to stop buying her all of these things right now without any change in your career or earnings, how would she react? You also dodged the question about whether or not she works.

My wife really wants a Cartier love bracelet but I've made it abundantly clear that a $5,000 gift just isn't happening. I splurged on her engagement ring and paid for our entire wedding and honeymoon myself but those are major life events. If you're spending $4,500 on a Chanel bag 'just because', my only advice is to be very careful in the future. Those things just should not be a necessity or an expectation in any relationship.

If I were to stop buying her all of these things, she would probably inquire about my current financials and make a judgment from there. If I were doing poorly or encountering hardship, as stated earlier, I am confident she would sell her personal property to help me out. If I were doing well, she probably not be too happy.

Again, this brings me back to my "sacrifice" epiphany. I used to fight with my GF a lot using the argument "what if I couldn't afford it". My GF is stubborn and would never admit directly, but if I couldn't afford it or if she perceived I couldn't afford it, she would never ask.

I did dodge the question about working because I don't really ask her about it. She is a real estate broker; I know when I purchased my house in December she made a $15k commission. I have no idea how much she makes now.

Originally Posted by kits135i

....Maybe I'm stupid. But one thing I know from my last failed marrage that ended in divorce is I did not provide enough time or effort. ...

In the beginning of my relationship I fought with my GF all the time. I used to be of the philosophy "if she really liked me for who I am she wouldn't ask for or care about these material things...she should just like for who I am." This was like 3 months in when we would start having these fights. I really thought about it, and I realized that in actuality her expectations did not change, but rather I was the one who changed. In the courting phase I was so nice to her and took her out to places. When I got comfortable I became a lot cheaper and asked her to split the bill and asked her why she wanted me to buy her anything lol. So basically, I didn't want to put any time and effort in. I took her for granted and I felt I was entitled to it.

Originally Posted by kits135i

...My take is a 4500 Chanel bag will last the rest of a persons life and then some. So would a Cartier bracelet. ...

Sorry if I gave off an air of "just because" but I am confident there was a mutual understanding of the significance of the purchase. GF knows my financials very well, and always tells me I am cheap and should think broader since you only live once and plus I already have a house. We still have disagreements on what to spend money on. She likes vacations and purses. I like cars and technology.

Originally Posted by MidwestGolfBum

No, what they are saying is that their significant others could give a rats ass less if they have these nice possessions as it isn't what defines their relationship. Sure, there is a want, but that doesn't mean that they are going to up and leave because they didn't get some expensive gift they want. They are just as happy to spend time with that person and have to need to give them things so they are happy.

Hope I illustrated more clearly what I meant by expectations. My GF always had wants. But now she feels these wants can be a reality. She's talked about Chanel purse since I've been with her. I bought it for her 2 years later cause she mentioned it again, and I thought I could do it for her why not.

Originally Posted by MidwestGolfBum

You continue to avoid if she works, as well.

above referenced

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

love languages. Figure our the woman's love language and your job is much easier. Knowing is half the battle.

My wife for instance. I used to buy her many small inexpensive items early on in the relationship. When it seemed like they weren't making her happy anymore i started buying more expensive gifts. When that didn't work i started figuring out what makes her happy. Once i found out that that doing the dishes and laundry (before there is a HUGE pile) makes her feel loved, i stopped buying crap. Washing her car, cleaning her bike(s)... basically doing things for her that she would otherwise have to do, makes her day. Figuring out what makes her tick unveiled that just choosing dinner without the whole "what do you want for dinner" crap makes her very happy. These small things go along way and now when i bring home an inexpensive thoughtful gift it means alot more to her. It also makes me happier to buy her something expensive for say our 10 year anniversary and it means much more to her.

Dropping $4k on a bag for no reason makes everything less meaningful. However, if you come from a wealthy family and have stacks of cash, for the women you'll date, hardly anything you buy for them will have that much meaning.

So even if girls like being showered with that garbage, it may not make them feel loved. Save some money and figure out the woman.

Thanks for your post. I agree with you RE the "love languages". Sorry if I misled anyone, but I do believe my purchases have a large significance for my GF. In addition to those purchases I have to make other significant sacrifices.

The formula for my GF is a sacrifice of my comfort and my money: the two things I value most currently. More emphasis on my comfort. So sacrificing my comfort for hers' makes her really, really, really happy. For example, I love the cold. She loves warmth. Simply turning the A/C off when she is around, she gets really happy and she tells me to turn it back on.

When you demonstrate your willingness to sacrifice, often times the woman will give the benefit of the doubt. If she ever asks for a demonstration, you better deliver otherwise all good will built is lost.

TBH it is easier to spend money on her than to sacrifice my comfort for her.