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Originally Posted by kits135i
I do not feel I'm doing it wrong as she does not expect it. So if she expected it like your example I would understand. I do it to show that I thought of her. This is because I'm terrible at know how to do it in another way. I went to the store so I got some flowers. I take her to something she was talking about during the week. Or she really had a need for something but cant get it for herself or whatever the case is. I just do it. Maybe I'm just too nice. Maybe I'm stupid. But one thing I know from my last failed marrage that ended in divorce is I did not provide enough time or effort. So maybe this time I am going overboard because I do not want to loose this one.
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Time & effort > expensive gifts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kits135i
I guess I don't get what you are saying. But here is how I read it. You are saying its pointless to work hard and have zero nice things to show for it? You are worried she is going to take your gifs and leave you, so you would never buy her nice things because no relationship "needs" them. My take is a 4500 Chanel bag will last the rest of a persons life and then some. So would a Cartier bracelet. Sure you can be cheap and buy a Walmart handbag or bracelet and save thousands, but it will only last a few months to a year max. So after replacing them time and time in your lifetime you spent more money than just buying the nice object to begin with.
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One thing you didn't learn from your last marriage was that women don't want just one bag.
For our last 4 anniversaries i've buy my wife a bag, she likes to switch up bags about every 2 months. I don't spend more than $300 on a bag. Is it walmart? no. Is it $4500? no. But somewhere in between and as far as i can tell, comparing expensive bags with the ones i buy doesn't yeild much of a difference. Other than several people will have a knock off of that $4500 bag an will have only paid $50 for it. It's mostly for the name. But don't think a Chanel bag will out last another quality leather bag because it's more expensive. Everyone is different though. She has a $6k bike, but she puts almost as many miles on that bike every year as she does her car. To me, that makes sense.
There is nothing wrong with what you're doing. It just may not be necessary and you may be missing a deeper connection. Worst case is that you're missing that she's a money grubbing female. (Not saying she is, just saying getting to the bottom of what makes her happy could reveal that)
Don't replace real emotional and intellectual connection with gifts. Figure out what makes you guys happy.