Quote:
Originally Posted by carve
My ex and I had never really seriously dated anybody but each other. Although exceptionally friendly, she didn't do anything to further our goals and maintain the household, was totally driven by fear, didn't take the best care of herself, and had about 5% of my sex drive (after the "I do" and some weight gain). Basically, my messy roommate and travel buddy. I'd ask her in counseling "what do you think I'm getting out of this marriage" and she could never answer beyond "being there" (uhhh....you have to do a lot more than just show up and smile to make a relationship work). I felt that's the best I could do...like I was doing something to deserve this due to being an asshole and flawed. I'd try even harder, and she'd respond by doing even less. My self confidence was in the gutter and I became depressed. On paper though I felt I had a lot going for me...athletic, quick-witted, decent career and $, adventurous, etc. I eventually couldn't take it, so took the big risk. We took a break for a few months and I immediately started dating to find out if it was my fault and that was the best I could hope for. It only took a few weeks to meet a woman I felt vastly more compatible with, and in the 1.5 years since I've met MANY who are even more compatible than that one, have had many women fall crazy in love with me, a mind-blowing sex life (last night was some of the wildest sex I've ever had), and even taking care of the house and stuff is easier alone. I'm happier in every way and don't miss my ex and my old life in any way, and haven't seen or spoken to her since the day the moving truck pulled away. I'm no longer depressed. Anyway, my point is, as long as you're not needy and willing to take a risk, a break made me realize how BAD I had it and how FANTASTIC I could have it.
Of course, the abundance of interesting women has now given me the opposite (much preferable) problem; I'm a total commitment phobe because things just keep getting better and better, and there's always some characteristic I prefer about someone else. The girl I'm primarily dating now is not the best in most areas, but damn near the best in most. She broke up with her ex because he wanted a pre-nup (although it was kind of understandable as she put a lot of money into the things they had). I suppose what's in it for a man to commit is to have someone to help you in rough times and to prevent the best girl you can land from leaving. I'm kind of leaning that way with her, but due to the abundance of great women I've discovered I'm much less afraid of someone leaving now. I'm not even sure if I can fall head-over-heels in love any more. Ironically, the lack of neediness you exhibit when you realize this makes you even more attractive to women.
A nice way to avoid paying alimony (adult support!? Really? Are you fcuking kidding me?!) is to only date women who make, or will make, similar money to you and are very independent natured.
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Yikers.
I was terrified of the legal implications of marriage before reading this thread. Ho-lee-fuk-that now.