So I will be the first to publicly admit my own stupidity so please ease on the flame
. From reading things on the forum, most notably the spark plug DIY, I always thought that bank 1 was drivers side and bank 2 was passenger side. Well that was wrong, and it took me this long to figure it out that plugs 1-4 are passenger, and 5-8 are drivers. Stupid stupid stupid.... anyways, after my troubleshooting on the wrong cylinder, I ordered a new plug. On saturday I swapped it out with cylinder "3" (which is now 7). Still did not work. I still wanted a notable solution before I reported back, but there was nothing I could do until tonight. Today (Tuesday) I texted my SA to ask a tech WTF could have happened. First response was coil packs. When I said that I had switched them as a troubleshoot, he said he would get back to me tomorrow (Wednesday). I decided to look at my car again. After an hour of starring at the engine and switching the packs on cylinder 7 AGAIN, I decided to would just make sure I had the right one. After about ten seconds of googling, I found my mistake, popped off the passenger side cover, unplugged the coil pack, double checked to make sure there was no damage/dust/etc, plugged it back in, and started the car. Everything is back to normal; no errors, car is smooth again, and I feel stupid for not checked the internet first. My guess is that it wasn't plugged in correctly or maybe a little dust was impairing the connection.
Long story short, know your stuff >_>