Lol, nice post spence! I just fixed a crazy rattle at lunch today. It was like giving birth the next time I drove my car.
This happened to be a clip that fell of a panel an was rattling agains the metal.
As for the crazy creaking. I get it everytime I enter a driveway. It the rubber seals in the door jambs. I have thought of using a dry lube or something but didn't want to mess anything up.
I think it's more for us e90 guys. If you drive an e90 and say you don't have this, YOU ARE LYING OR DEAF!!! :-) it's even worse if you are lowered and drive with M on all the time.
My 328 did not have this at all. This car is just soo much stiffer. Tradeoffs! Lol