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Top Ten Reasons Not To Vote For Mike Huckabee

by John Hunt - November 14, 2007
After a surprise second-place finish in a South Carolina straw poll, Mike Huckabee's star appears to be on the rise. He has captured favorable attention from pundits, reporters, comedians, and even Chuck Norris. At least as far as the media is concerned, Huckabee has moved from the ranks of the Tancredos and Hunters and into consideration as a viable presidential candidate. It is stunning.

Stunning, at least, to this observer from Huckabee’s home state. Huckabee’s tenure as governor of Arkansas didn’t exactly lend itself to the idea that he was presidential material. Huckabee spent his ten years in office appearing on the Don Imus show, dodging inquiries from the State Ethics Commission, duck hunting, and gathering up gifts from supporters. The idea that he might one day become the most powerful man in the world was laughable. Nobody would be fooled by this guy.

I’ve tried to do my part, posting diatribe after diatribe on my blog, all apparently to no avail. Perhaps I’ve diluted my venom over too many posts. Here, in an easy-to-read format, is an annotated list of the top ten reasons why you just can’t vote for Mike Huckabee for President of the United States of America:

10. He has an awful family. If you thought Billy Carter and Roger Clinton were embarrassing, wait until you get a load (word chosen advisedly) of David Huckabee. Mike Huckabee’s son first stepped into the limelight when he was fired from a Boy Scout camp for allegedly torturing a dog to death. While a student at Arkansas State University, David Huckabee was president of the Student Activities Board, and figured out a way to get the university to pay him $5,000 to “provide services.” This year he tried to board an airplane at the Little Rock airport while carrying a “forgotten” handgun. Huckabee’s wife Janet is no Dolly Madison; she’s often referred to in Arkansas as “Jethrine.” She was constantly in the news during Huckabee’s tenure. Active politically (she ran unsuccessfully for Arkansas Secretary of State), she once got in trouble for intimdating voters while volunteering at a polling place during an election in Little Rock. She apparently isn’t too impressed with her own son John Mark, comparing him to a radio station that “you don’t quite get.” In a move that seems to be plucked from the plot of a bad sitcom, Mrs. Huckabee went to work as the marketing director for an aluminum siding company while her husband was governor. Imagine this family in the White House, and imagine pining for Neil Bush and Donald Nixon.

9. He’s petty. Huckabee was constantly under scrutiny by the Arkansas press for questionable ethics during his term as governor. He was vindictive and hateful to the reporters who covered him accusing them of making up stories, and refusing to send routine press releases to those who printed or broadcast unfavorable reports.

8. He’s unqualified. Huckabee holds a degree in theology from Ouachita Baptist University, and attended Southwest Baptist Theological Seminary. He spent ten years as governor of Arkansas, during which time his greatest achievement was to lose 100 pounds. He had a reputation among legislators as being difficult to work with. He has disowned the few decent accomplishments of his administration, since they involved small tax increases. In other words, he has done nothing to recommend him as Chief Executive of the most powerful country in the world.

7. He doesn’t believe in science. Huckabee doesn’t believe in evolution. He famously raised his hand during a Republican presidential debate when candidates were asked which ones disbelieved in Darwin’s theory. He doesn’t believe in global warming. In fact, he says he’ll always choose his religious beliefs over science. He’s quoted in Salon: “Oh, I believe in science. I certainly do. In fact, what I believe in is, I believe in God. I don't think there's a conflict between the two. But if there's going to be a conflict, science changes with every generation and with new discoveries and God doesn't. So I'll stick with God if the two are in conflict." If that quote doesn’t scare you, then your voting privileges need to be revoked. Is this the guy you want deciding policy on public health, or stem cell research, or weapons research, or the space program?

6. He’s in favor of the war. He thinks the Iraq War is World War III, and wouldn’t rule out using nukes on Iran. ‘Nuff said.

5. He has no respect for the law. He flaunted the state’s Ethics Commission several times when they tried to slap him on the wrists for major infractions of election funding. He ignored the Freedom of Information Act on numerous occasions. On leaving office, he had the hard drives from the computers from his office destroyed. Here’s a random little blast from the past—a bit from the “10 Years Ago” feature in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette: “Gov. Mike Huckabee insisted that complaints made through a taxpayer-funded hotline aren’t subject to public disclosure despite an attorney general’s opinion that they are.” In other words, the law is whatever he says it is.

4. He’s a crook. Huckabee used the Arkansas State Police airplane as his personal jet and as campaign transport. He accepted thousands of dollars worth of gifts from supporters and hangers-on. He charged personal items to official accounts (google “Huckabee” and “Velveeta” and see what you get). When he left the governor’s mansion, he tried to take some of the furniture with him.

3. He’s a loose cannon. His term as governor was one embarrassment after another. He referred to Arkansas as a banana republic on the Don Imus show. He moved from the governor’s mansion to a triple-wide mobile home while the mansion was being renovated (he claimed it was to save money—it wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that the trailers were donated by political supporters). He referred to environmentalists as “wackos.” He re-married his wife in a Moonie-style mass covenant marriage. He’s a veritable font of offensive one-liners and off-color jokes. Just the guy to restore dignity of the United States.

2. He’s another Dubya. Huckabee is a so-called “compassionate conservative,” with an anti-gay, anti-choice, theocratic agenda. Like Bush, Huckabee was an undistinguished governor of a southern state who made his name by executing criminals (three in one day) and fighting with the legislature. Like Bush, Huckabee is a religious nut who believes that Armageddon is at hand, and that he might be just the guy to speed it up. Since he has no cadre of associates from Arkansas, if he somehow gets into office, he’s liable to fall right in with the same bunch of half-wit incompetents that are running the country now.

1. He’s a liar. Of course, all politicians tend to bend the truth, but Huckabee seems to be pathological. In the most recent exposure, Huckabee claimed that he only raised taxes while governor because the court ordered it. Unfortunately for him, his speech to the legislature asking for new taxes was video-taped. Huckabee has stated that most of the founding fathers were clergymen, and that many of the current presidential candidates were atheists. His “Willie Horton” incident is his release from prison of convicted rapist Wayne Dumond, who subsequently raped and murdered a woman in Missouri. Huckabee has repeatedly lied about his role in Dumond’s case, even claiming that Bill Clinton was responsible for the release.

These are ten good reasons to vote for anyone besides Mike Huckabee, but there are countless others. He seems to think that cutting out sweets for children is a substitute for health-care reform. He keeps blathering on about replacing the income tax with a regressive, unworkable flat tax. Huckabee is an incompetent, glad-handing boob. You know, we’ve had enough of that.