Got this in a "funny" email. Call me a ***, but I like the E60.
Top 10 Gay Cars
One of the perks of living in the Motor City is the North American International Auto Show. 2006 promised to be the most exciting show ever, and since gay business is my business I decided to take work on a pleasure cruise through the car exhibits. Out came the gayest cars of 2006. But before all of you straight and curious readers speed to the nearest trade in lot, know that this list is based on a combination of the humor, style and sophistication. Open the door to the gayest cars of 2006:
1) Best Car for the Gay Professional
2006 BMW 5 Series Sedan
I was a skeptic when BMW unveiled a new style direction for arguably the best midsize sedan on the planet. However, as with all things forward-thinking, once a look and feel has been perfected, it's time to push the envelope again. This car embodies the essence of today's gay man.
2) Best Car for the New Gay Family
2006 Saab 9-5 Wagon
Saab began as a jet engine company until it's side gig in the auto industry put it on the household map. It's often quirky design and features make it a true enthusiasts ride. The 9-5 isn't your traditional boring cruiser and even in the SportCombi Wagon version onlookers see the driver as one who desires unique style. The Saab 9-5 is an individual that refuses to follow the pack, just like the new gay dad and his family.
3) Best Dragwagon
2006 Kia Sorento
The Korean automaker has figured out a way to give top-dollar value in a package that won't rip your pocket. Kind of like a drag show- all that entertainment for a couple of bucks in tips. Plus, drag queens need an economical, but classy ride with optimal space for all their gear. That way they can spend those bills on costumes instead of high monthly payments. The 2006 Kia Sportage is the perfect solution and this year's top dragwagon.
4) Most Likely Down Low Cruiser
2006 Chevrolet Impala
Of course you can't tell a down low man by his car, but it sure seems like all the ones I know have the same dealership connection. Impala driver's seats can be seen leaning far back with just enough visibility to cruise the passing cars. Chevy's midsize isn't flashy so look closely to see the quality and refined styling of the otherwise discrete sedan.
5) Best Twinkmobile
2006 Mini Cooper
The Mini Cooper is annoyingly small to some, but simply irresistible to others. The cult classic from the BMW group means fun for anyone who sits behind the wheel (and passengers too). The Mini may look tiny on the outside, but there is a surprising amount of depth on the inside. Thanks to it's great handling, fast engine and fun ride, the Mini Cooper is our Best Twinkmobile winner.
6) Best Ride for the Trendy Gay Man
2006 Honda Element
The Element was made for the young, active and versatile. Freshened for its forth year, most of the plastic side molding has been removed for a more upscale look. The same people that wonder what kind of car this oddly shaped vehicle is, can't help but respect (or even envy) the driver. The mammoth interior is easily accessible with an intelligent tug on the suicide doors. It's just unique enough to satisfy the trendy in all of us.
7) Best Ride for the Trendy Gay Man (Urban)
2006 Chrysler 300C
I'd like to say DCX had no idea what an impact the 300 would have on the auto industry, American styling and bottom line of West Coast Customs, but I'm sure they did! This car is just hot and so is the trendy urban gay man that drives it. It's broad stance, chrome grill and "get out of the way" attitude has redefined the American sedan.
cool.gif Best Retail Queen Carriage
2006 Pontiac G6
We've all seen 'em. We've identified our goal, mapped out our destination and may even be excited about the journey until we hear a high pitched voice that takes all the enjoyment out of the ride. "Can I help you?" it says from thin air. You tell them you're just looking, but they never seem to completely go away. We all appreciate the styling effort, but in the mall or on the road, the retail queen and the G6 are just in the way!
9) Best Lesbian Moving Van
2006 Subaru Outback
Subaru pumps a lot of money into gay advertising and their efforts have paid off with our sister's in queerness. This crossover wagon is versatile enough to accommodate a wide range of haulers. There's plenty of space for the cat cage and those boxes that can't fit in the storage bin. The Outback is a long-running lesbian champion.
10) Queerest Car
2006 Ford Focus
By it's position and title you may think the Queerest Car of 2006 is a good thing. To the contrary, it's usually an entry level vehicle frequently driven by gay men on a budget. (Translation: I just need a car to get from work to the bar to home.) Saving a dime can be cool too, but must styling be sacrificed? I surveyed many gay men to find the queerest car of 2006 and they all turned their nose up a the same vehicle- the 2006 Ford Focus.