Originally Posted by bbbbmw
I've been married for 25+ years, to my first wife. We have grown kids. Been through lots of "life" together, and are both very strong-willed. We butt heads a lot. Some things I've found:
-It takes two to argue. So if you are tired of it, don't engage in an argument. Whatever the situation, you always have the opportunity to say "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to offend you", and then quit responding. STFU. And if you are a man, be a man and take the leadership role. It's that simple.
-If you have kids, be about the kids. Again - be the adult - be the leader. If you had to choose between the kid and the SO, choose the kid. Every time. You both should agree on that - it's biological. If you feel like your wife/husband is a complete bitch on skates, and you can't live under the same roof, why would you move out and leave your innocent, defenseless kid(s) with her/him? Your kids are fun, at every age. Look for it, and enjoy it - it won't last. And as adults, they can be awesome.
-Life is not about what happens to you - it's about how you react to what happens to you. So for whatever you find lacking or annoying, ask yourself how you can change your outlook. Lots of money/no money, exciting/boring sex, etc. - it's your choice in how you look at it.
-Never cheat. Be above deceit. An "open marriage" is no marriage - don't deceive yourself.
-Recognize that there is something greater than yourself. Lead your spouse and children in the same recognition. To reject it is to lead a life and a family without hope - and that won't end well.
great advice here. I know lots of married men who struggle with both. Thanks!