Originally Posted by M3takesNYC
I could have written the exact same words to express my experience in residency. I honestly felt my role ended up being closer to a medical student some rotations it was ridiculous. At the end of the day it served its purpose and I did learn. I feel well prepared to handle my field and to perform at a high level but I can only speak to my field or experience. The less indepedence and experience (especially the lack of call experience which honestly was the ONE time I had true autonomy and probably learned 30 percent of what I needed to in residency on call) I can't say that future docs will leave unprepared. Glad we were not quite there yet.
I just cannot sit back and take instruction and orders when I simply don't even agree with them. It was tough I will say that but I learned its all part of the game. The whole process of medschool is a game. Its tougher to play for some than others which for a guy who absolutely hated memorization and kissing ass, was a nearly futile game!! I am the type who wanted to understand mechanisms, pathophysiology etc. Not memorize for tests yet that is what is demanded in most of medschool. Hence the game I had to learn to play.
Clinical years and residency is the "You need to learn to suck up, kiss ass and take orders" to play the game. Simply won't make it through without doing much of this.
So I can atleast encourage you it is heavenly when you are done so keep at it, bite your tongue and work on hoaning your skills so you can be the best doc possible upon leaving.
I did much better when I stopped looking at residency as something that should be: fair, enjoyable or for the best interest of the resident's education. Instead I learned its: politics, dealing with attendings own control issues, problems and burnout, and realizing its one more hoop and game in the process.
With that new understanding I instead focused on finding atleast one thing, no matter how minute, I could learn from each different attending or fellow resident, even when I absolutely despised them, and figured I would have the widest set of tools to use when done. Instead of getting distracted by my distaste and focus on how boneheaded the attending was, I just focused on that one little thing they did well. Honest to god there was only one attending out of dozens that I truly found NOTHING worth learning from lol. Sometimes it was something in the way they documented or whatever-usually something there.
So with that mindset my last couple years of residency were much more enjoyable!!
It feels good to not be alone!
I was/am the exact same way as far as hating "memorizing" everything. I was the guy in medical school that was hated for actually wanting to know they WHY's of pathophysiology. How dare I.
And I am finally getting to the point you're talking about...just suck it up and try and learn all I can, and realize life is short and that this part of the "game" will be over before I know it.
And on that note, I'm on call tonight